The CDC reports that more than 11 million Americans are caring for a loved one with dementia today. The majority of these caregivers aren’t professionals. They are friends or family members stepping in to provide help and assistance.
Dementia caregiving can be a very frustrating and challenging situation for someone who hasn’t been trained in how to help manage and care for someone with cognitive issues.
If you’re looking for practical dementia caregiver tips, the good news is that small changes in how you respond can often make daily life less stressful for both you and your loved one.
How to Deal with Someone with Dementia: Creative Strategies
When we face an issue or problem, we approach it logically to try to fix it. Our VP of Memory Care, Alicia Seaver, explains that this approach doesn’t work when dealing with someone with dementia.
“Logic doesn’t work when helping your loved one with dementia. Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia cause changes in the brain that affect cognition, physical abilities, comprehension and perception, feelings, communication, and even personality. This is distressing for the person living with dementia, and it means they won’t respond to logic in the way they used to.”
That’s why a key approach to dementia care is to get creative and move away from the mindset that you can ‘fix’ the challenging behaviors through reason. We also need to realize we must always stay in the moment and adapt to today’s circumstances, not yesterday’s.
With these principles in mind, let’s explore 7 practical dementia care tips to help you deal with someone with dementia.
1. Accommodate the behavior; don’t try to control it
Your biggest role as a dementia caregiver is to keep your loved one happy, healthy, and safe. However, it can be stressful when they insist on acting in ways that seems illogical to you.
Many caregivers immediately try to control the behavior, which makes complete sense – to us. However, we can’t expect a person with dementia, dealing with cognitive burdens, to respond as they used to.
Instead, try to find ways to accommodate your loved one’s behavior. For example, if your loved one suddenly decides they don’t want to use utensils when eating, choose finger foods instead. Or, if he or she suddenly wants to sleep on the floor instead of the bed, put a mattress down for comfort.
These are examples of a simple mindset shift from a “no” that will only upset your loved one to finding a safe accommodation.
For more on reducing pushback during care, read how to handle resistance and refusals in dementia care.
2. There’s always a reason for the behavior
People with dementia often can’t tell us directly what they need or want, particularly as the disease progresses through the middle into the later stages. Instead, they act out, causing confusion and frustration for the caregiver. Why does your mother insist on taking out all the clothes from her closet every day, for example?
As a dementia caregiver, it’s essential for you to look at the “why” behind the behavior and consider what need your loved one is trying to meet by doing it.
We always say you must become a detective.
For example, Mom may be taking out her clothes because she wants to be productive and helpful. Your dad may become agitated and pace the room because he can’t express or doesn’t understand that he needs to use the bathroom.
There’s always a trigger for your loved one’s behavior. Learn to recognize certain behaviors and understand what is causing them – and then find ways to disrupt that pattern and meet your loved one’s needs. That could mean a range of things:
- Ensuring the environment is calm
- Offering opportunities to help
- Offering more choice when possible
- Trying to get more exercise
The National Institute on Aging offers helpful guidance on managing personality and behavior changes.
3. Don’t rule out medical reasons
While many behavioral problems and issues can be symptoms of the disease, some may actually have an underlying medical reason. In other words, don’t assume a sudden behavior change is the disease.
Mom or Dad may be in pain and can’t tell you, or perhaps their medication is causing them to hallucinate or feel sick. They could also have an infection or a UTI, which manifests differently in older adults and can cause severe issues if not treated.
If your loved one is suddenly exhibiting significant behavioral changes, it’s often a good idea to check in with their doctor to see if a medical issue may be the cause.
4. Your actions and emotions speak louder (and better) than words
Dementia is a confusing and scary disease for the person experiencing it. As we’ve discussed, while they may not be able to communicate through words, they can communicate through emotions. The same is true in reverse, as they may struggle to understand what you say but pick up on your emotions very easily.
It’s a surprise for dementia caregivers to understand that they can actually control the situation and their loved one’s reactions much more than they first realize. As Alicia explains:
“If your loved one is agitated, unsure, insecure, or afraid, they will look to you for how to behave. If you’re angry, anxious, frustrated, or upset, they will react to that. Often, changing your behavior and approach will result in a change in your loved one’s behavior. Try to remain patient, pleasant, and calm whenever possible.”
This helps your loved one feel secure, safe, and loved. It’s natural for all of us to mirror the emotions of those around us. This dynamic is often heightened for those with dementia.
For more advice, review these effective communication tips for dementia caregivers and the National Institute on Aging’s advice on communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s.
5. Laughter really is the best medicine
Humor is a wonderful therapeutic tool for everyone.
While dementia is a profoundly sad and challenging disease to deal with, it doesn’t mean that humor and laughter no longer have a place in your loved one’s life. In fact, shared laughter and moments of joy can reduce tension and strengthen connection.
Look for the humor in everyday life, and also seek out opportunities to laugh with your loved one. Watch funny movies or a TV show, perhaps their old favorites, so they can reminisce, too. Feel free to laugh at yourself if you’ve done something silly or humorous. Crack jokes if you think they would be welcome.
The most important thing to remember is that the humor should be a shared thing; you’re not laughing at your loved one; you’re laughing with your loved one.
6. When in doubt, exercise
The majority of us don’t get enough exercise in our everyday lives. People with dementia often live very sedentary lifestyles due to their declining abilities.
Regular physical activity is incredibly important for those with dementia because exercise can help maintain abilities and support overall well-being. Exercise also helps “wear them out,” which can reduce unwanted behaviors and help them sleep at night. Alicia explains:
“Try to get at least 20 minutes of exercise with your loved one each day. It doesn’t have to be a huge effort: gardening, walking around the block, or helping out around the house all add up towards that physical activity threshold.”
For more ideas and advice, visit our caregiver tip page on exercising for brain and body health.
7. If it doesn’t work, try, try again
Dementia is an ever-changing disease, and what works with your loved one today may not work tomorrow. Because of the progression of dementia, you may need to adjust your solutions regularly, or you may find that some of them cease to be helpful. That’s okay. The trick is to be flexible, be creative, and understand the ever-shifting demands of the disease.
The fundamental idea is to approach care with kindness, compassion, and patience, rather than frustration or logic. This approach should reap rewards over time.
Sometimes it also helps to step into your loved one’s reality instead of correcting every misunderstanding. Our article on fiblets: embracing their reality in dementia care explains this idea further.
When It May Be Time for More Support
There may come a point when caring for your loved one with memory loss at home risks their safety. It may become unsustainable for your stress levels, too. If that happens, it can help to compare memory care vs. home care vs. assisted living so you can better understand your options and decide what kind of dementia support makes the most sense for your family.
Bridges® by EPOCH provides memory care assisted living in a comfortable, positive, safe, and engaging environment for those living with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia.
We also offer educational events and support groups, both online and in person, that anybody can join.
Contact us to learn more – you can fill out the form at the bottom of the page.
Frequently Asked Questions on Dementia Caregiving
How do you calm someone with dementia?
A calm voice, simple language, reassurance, and a peaceful environment can often help soothe somebody with dementia or another form of memory loss. It’s also important to look for the reason behind the distress, such as pain, fear, overstimulation, or needing the bathroom.
What should you not do when caring for someone with dementia?
Try not to argue, correct harshly, rush them, or overwhelm them with too many words or choices. In many situations, a flexible and reassuring approach works better than trying to force logic.
Why do people with dementia have sudden behavior changes?
Behavior changes can be triggered by confusion, discomfort, boredom, fatigue, medication side effects, pain, or other medical issues. If a behavior or personality change is sudden or severe, it may be worth checking with a doctor.
When should a family consider memory care?
Families may want to consider memory care when daily caregiving becomes unsafe, overwhelming, or no longer manageable at home, especially if the person with dementia needs more supervision or specialized care. At that point, it’s time to look for a care partner.
How can humor help in dementia care?
Laughter relieves stress, boosts endorphins, and strengthens bonds. Watching comedies, sharing lighthearted moments, or finding humor in daily life can ease tension for both caregiver and loved one.
Why doesn’t logic work when caregiving for someone with dementia?
Dementia changes cognition, perception, and communication, so logical reasoning may not make sense to your loved one. Creative, flexible strategies are often more effective.