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Adjusting to Life as a Spousal Caregiver

As a couple ages and enters into seniorhood, the more likely it is that at least one of the two parties will need assistance in order to stay independent and healthy. Most of the time, there is one person in the couple who requires more assistance than the other, which means that one spouse ends up becoming a caregiver as well as a partner. This can be a big adjustment for both spouses as they navigate what this means for their reality and their relationship.

“The truth of the matter is that your relationship with your spouse will change, no matter how little or how much help he or she requires,” says Jennifer Trout, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham. That truth weighs heavy on both parties, she says. “You may have a hard time becoming more of a caregiver than a lover, while your spouse may become frustrated with the fact that he or she can no longer help you in the ways they once could. Fortunately, if you enter into the situation understanding the challenges and knowing the adjustments you need to make, this can ease the situation and help you approach it with positivity.”

The impacts of becoming a spousal caregiver.

Being a caregiver for your spouse can be emotionally, physically and socially draining. While it’s been well documented that depression is common in seniors who are disabled or otherwise need assistance, it’s also been shown that spousal caregivers have a higher rate of depression than those they care for. This is due to any number of reasons, from no longer being able to communicate with their spouse to feeling grief at having lost the loved one they knew or feeling guilty for finding the act of caregiving a struggle.

Physically, the emotional strain of caregiving can lead to very real health issues such as hypertension, obesity, poor sleep and others. There are also a variety of physical challenges that can present, too, such as wives having to help husbands who may be significantly larger than them, which can lead to higher rates of accidents, injuries and falls.

On a social level, both caregivers and the spouse being cared for can end up becoming increasingly isolated due to the difficulty of getting out, or embarrassment about their changing situation. For many, it could simply be easier to “stay in” than dealing with the issues that arise from trying to do things outside the home.

Tips for dealing with your new life as a spousal caregiver. 

If you or your spouse find yourself in the position of being a caregiver for the other, here are some tools to help you adjust to the transition and make the experience a bit smoother.

  • Find other spouses who’ve become caregivers. Having a support group is instrumental for helping you be a successful caregiver, as well as giving you an outlet to get information, advice and support. Connect with others who have experience being a spousal caregiver to get first-hand stories about the experience – look around your community or find an online support group. You may also have friends or family members who have gone through the journey themselves.
  • Be kind to yourself. Caregiving is stressful and can leave you upset, depressed and overwhelmed. Don’t beat yourself up over how you feel – understand that what you’re feeling is completely normal, especially in the beginning of the journey. Your feelings are valid and it’s healthy to explore them. Find a trusted source of support, like a friend or counselor, with whom you can talk and work through what you’re feeling.
  • Create a plan for the future. It’s easy to focus on putting one step in front of the other, but as a caregiver, it is necessary to think about what will happen in the future. Will you be your spouse’s primary caregiver? Will you hire help or allow others to help you or take on a large share of the caregiving? What will happen if you end up needing support yourself? Discuss options with your spouse and other involved parties. By having a plan in place, it will help make this transition easier both now and in the future.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It’s common for spousal caregivers to feel like they have to do everything all by themselves. But doing this will lead to burnout, ill health and a world of stress. Remember that it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for a little extra help. In fact, you may find that you are surrounded by people who care about you and would jump at the opportunity to help run errands, stay with your spouse while you get some “me time” or simply be there as an extra pair of hands from time to time.
  • Take a deep breath. Patience will be your secret weapon. Being a caregiver for your spouse is not easy. Remember that you’re constantly in a state of learning and adjusting (both you and your spouse!) and give each other grace to settle in to your new space.
  • Find time for yourself. Caring for yourself is just as important as caring for your spouse. Be sure to do good things for yourself and your health, such as exercising, eating healthy and spending a little time each day doing the things you love. Not only will this help reduce your stress, but it will also help you be as happy and healthy as possible.
  • Carve out time to spend together as a couple. You and your spouse are a married unit above all else. So even though it’s easy to focus all your attention on caregiving, remember that nurturing your marriage is incredibly important. When possible, find time to do “couple” things together, such as going out to dinner, having a date night, making a meal together or simply dancing in the living room to your favorite songs. Finding the little (or large) moments together will help make memories and bring you and your spouse even closer together.

While caregiving for your spouse is definitely one of the biggest challenges you may face, it is not an insurmountable task. In fact, by having a good support system, a plan of attack and a positive attitude moving forward, you and your spouse will have a strong foundation as you move into this new chapter of your marriage.

Exceptional Care. Fulfilling Lifestyle.

Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham provides assisted living and memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.

Dedicated Memory Care

No matter what level of care or service is needed, residents and families can rest assured that our programs address the various stages of memory decline, allowing residents the opportunity to age in place.

Personalized Services

At Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham, our services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide a high level of personalized attention for every resident through all stages of memory loss.

Contact us today to learn more.

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