Dementia Care Through the Holidays

Hello and welcome to the EPOCH Exchange, the podcast where we have real conversations about senior life, senior living, dementia care, and the amazing people who make it all happen. I’m Erica Labb, Director of Team Member Engagement and Culture at EPOCH Senior Living, the premier provider of senior living in the Northeast.  

And I’m Sarah Turcotte, Area Community Liaison for several of our Bridges by EPOCH and Waterstone Communities. Together, we’ll be your hosts, bringing you stories, insights, and expert voices from across our organization and beyond. Whether you’re a caregiver, a family member, a professional, somebody navigating the early stages of dementia, or somebody considering assisted living, this podcast probably has something for you. We’re here to share what we’ve learned. Spotlight the work happening every day in senior care, and offer ideas and inspiration to support wellbeing at every stage of aging.  

Each episode we’ll be joined by guests who are making a difference from community leaders to care team members and clinical experts. We are delighted to welcome our friend Luidja Jean Louis, Executive Director of Bridges by EPOCH at Lexington, to share both what happens within Bridges communities during the holiday season, and to share practical advice for caregivers supporting loved ones during the holiday season at home. 
As Executive Director of Bridges by EPOCH at Lexington, Luidja is responsible for our community’s daily operations. She leads a dedicated team in carrying out the unique Bridges approach to memory care. Her goal is to ensure that every resident enjoys a comfortable, inspiring and well-focused lifestyle every single day. Luidja has more than a decade of senior living and healthcare experience. She’s a registered nurse and has multiple higher education degrees and certifications, including her associate of science degree in nursing, and a certificate in Alzheimer’s and dementia care. And we have seen it live and in person what a fabulous provider you are and what a great leader. So, so thrilled to have you on our show today. Thank you. 

And thank you for having me.  

Great to have You here. Yes, nurse extraordinaire for sure.  

Oh, Stop it. 
Yeah, no, it’s a true story. I mean, before we dive into some of these questions, can you share just a little bit about how you came into senior care and became the fabulous nurse that you are?  

So, interestingly enough, prior to veering into assisted living, I aspired to be a pediatric nurse. So  

Oh my gosh. 

After my peds rotation, I changed my mind.  

Thank God for rotations, right?  

Yeah. And so, geriatrics just spoke to me. It was, it made sense just for where I was, who I am, and the nursing home world can take a toll, the skilled nursing. And so, my first experience in assisted living, I was blown away. And ever since I went that route, I never went back. Yeah. 

And you continue to accelerate your career, going from the caring side and the wellness side into the operation side, which is quite a move.  

Yes, very true. 

And what a luxury for the folks you serve. You have an operations person who has the nursing background. I just think it’s, you know, in the acting business, they call it a triple threat. It’s like, you know, the double threat of […] it’s just fantastic. It’s like a lot of talent in, uh, in one person.  

And I think about, you know, in your role now as Executive Director, you are helping our residents, right? Primarily with your nursing background. And not only do we help our residents and people living with dementia, but when you’re working with cognitive impairment, oftentimes we’re working with the caregivers too.  

Absolutely. 

So, to come with your expertise and your knowledge and supporting families, it really goes a long way., and it really brings us to the topic we’re here to chat about today, which is caregiving through the holidays. You know, the holidays are known as an exciting time. It can stir up excitement, nostalgia, but it can also bring stress and sadness, and it’s difficult to navigate. I would just love to start, you know, can you share a little bit about what you see families going through when the holidays start to approach?  

I mean, to your point, you know, the holidays are supposed to be exciting and warm, but we do see some of that. We see a mix of emotions, for the most part. And it’s typically joy and sadness. It’s a mix. It’s bittersweet.  

Even. I want to say too, when we talk about the holidays, like we’re really talking about a wide variety of holidays. Like, because especially in communal living, you’re living with people from all different backgrounds who celebrate all different holidays. So, we’re really talking about, you know, quite a big swathe. You know, we have the American holidays of Thanksgiving, right? That, but also like various religions, and a lot of traditions tend to be highlighted this time of year because of, I think probably because of Christmas. So that a lot of other holidays get amplified to enjoy the holiday season, like culturally, and so you have to meet all these different needs of people.  

Yes. We are very inclusive. Yeah. It’s fantastic.  

And it’s a lot of planning, though. It’s a lot of planning, it’s a lot of planning and changes of routines, and, you know, can you share a little bit about the maybe patterns or emotions that you find people going through as they’re going through these changes?  

Absolutely. So, with our families, we tend to see, you know, they, they miss how things used to be, right? You think about their loved ones and, depending on where they’re at in the journey, maybe things have progressed, whether it be at home or in our communities, you know, things do progress. Unfortunately, that’s the nature of the illness. And so, depending on where they’re at, you know, it’s not when they think back to previous memories, right? ‘cause the holidays invoke so many different feelings. And mom can’t bake those cookies that you or, or host, right? And so it, it is bittersweet. They, they, you know, show up, they make an effort. , and it’s nice to see. , and my heart certainly goes out to them. It, it’s the mix of emotions and for us, you know, and what makes us special, I mean, I have a great team. I’ll start with that ‘cause it does take a village, but we, we focus on intentional connections. You know, it’s not just about the big celebrations and the noise, but really just connections and warmth and still finding opportunities. And that’s what we tell our families. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Right? You know. 

I think a lot of people hold on to what those traditions were and hold the standard in making sure it is like every other holiday. And a lot of times putting that pressure on themselves, it’s almost like unrealistic expectations that they’re putting on themselves.  

Like you mentioned the cookies, right? Like baking cookies is often, you know, a winter holiday tradition no matter what you celebrate. Right? And so if that’s the tradition I’ve seen, you know, on social media, you all providing that opportunity to bake cookies and talk a little bit about how you welcome other folks in to do that. And also how making cookies changes maybe with someone with dementia, but how you still relive it.  

Absolutely. So, we don’t just focus on limitations, we focus on possibilities. 
Mm-hmm. And what’s still possible is, yeah, you know, mom or dad can’t go through all the motions, but we can still sprinkle in the sugar or they can mix the batter. Is it gonna be perfect? No. Is it gonna be messy? Yes. But we make it fun, so we just focus on what’s still possible at various different levels. 
Yeah. And it’s in the moment and creating those festive Yeah. Moments and the smells.  

The taste, everything just creates this calm and just really nice atmosphere.  

Yeah. For, it’s interesting too how someone with dementia, we know, like, often their most recent, for them, for the person with the disease, right. The most recent holidays may not be what they’re thinking of, you know? So it’s like, you know, if I’m visiting a parent, I’m like, oh, this is what, what did we do? But they might be thinking about their own childhood, you know? 

It’s true. Depending on where they are on their journey. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Very true.  

Or any loss, you know, sometimes our brains go to losses during certain times of year, you know, and that’s, I think, where some of that sadness too, on top of the current losses.  

Yeah, very true.  

You know, if someone passed away, you know, five days before Christmas or you know, during Hanukkah or the day after Thanksgiving, like our bodies sort of hold that too, that grief. And then, do you see that manifesting in behavioral symptoms? You know? 

Absolutely. You know, behavior is, it is a way of communication. There are always underlying triggers, and grief certainly plays a role. You know, a lot of, we have a lot of widows, unfortunately, or, a lot of losses, right? It comes with old age. So, yes, that’s a great point. 

Yeah. And the holidays can be a blue time for some people if they’re celebrating with someone who’s no longer with them, who was special or a part of their traditions and celebrations.  

Yeah. Let’s talk a little bit about knowing that reframing like the expectations. 
So you’re working with a family, a newer family holiday season. What are some things you can help them with, or things that you might say to them to shift their idea of holidays and what is expected of them, and tricks you all use with dates and times of celebration, so that people can rethink the way they do it?  

The holidays certainly, may, you know, may look different in memory care. And a lot of what we focus on is what’s still possible. We, you know, a lot, oftentimes, some of our, you know, some folks with dementia, they, they may be disoriented, they may not know specifically that today is, you know, let’s say you celebrate Christmas, that it is Christmas. So, I always tell families, celebrate when you can. And however you can. Don’t, you know, feel that it’s a must. Oh, it’s Christmas Day, and I have to see. No, you, again, we’re not looking for perfection. It’s really, you know, yeah. It’s those moments of connection and making the best of what’s still possible 

Exactly. And I think too, like you were saying, it, it, it’s all in the how we’re, like you are doing at Bridges. You guys make the residents a part of the process and get them ready for the holidays. People are helping to put up little decorations. Yes. Or reminiscing over decorations as they’re putting them out. So again, it’s a lot of pressure ‘cause we’re getting ready for the holidays, but how can we turn this into something that’s more meaningful than stressful?  

And you can do that at home, too. Same thing, like walking around with the garland, having someone help you, and it doesn’t mean if it’s Christmas, say you don’t have to get a big tree, but even just decorating a tabletop tree. Absolutely. And, you know, some intergenerational stuff, those dates, like that was something I learned, and that kind of, like, was a head scratcher. Like also just for those of us, you know, with life changes, right? So we’re, uh, a lot of people, families we work with are in the sandwich generation of like, they’re caring for teens and their parents, and it’s like, do we have to have that big Christmas Eve party? Like maybe no. Like, maybe we don’t have to have that. Like it’s okay to like switch things up a little bit, or to pare down and say, we’re gonna have, you know, two families over and we’re gonna have a great time, but we’re not gonna, you know, have 50 people over because it’s upsetting to grandma. Mm-hmm. Or it’s too much. 
Like, ‘cause a lot of times it’s too much.  

And that overstimulation is what causes some symptoms to be triggered, right? Absolutely. Or behaviors that come up ‘cause of this overstimulation. And I think that’s a great, you know, maybe sharing a few ideas on how people can adapt, you know, as Erica was saying, is it having one family over at a time, or when the family does come, the kids play in this room. Mm-hmm. And you know, right. My memory-impaired loved one stays in this room, so it’s not so overstimulating.  

Absolutely. There are a lot of routine changes around the holidays. Right. And that can cause confusion with someone with memory impairment. And so, you know, it depends on, you know, where they’re at in terms of stages. For some, it might make sense to, you know, we have, for example, in our community, we have a, we can reserve a separate room, which is more like a conference room. And that’s where, you know, your loved ones can come get together and celebrate. Some celebrate right on the households or some are able to take their loved one home. And to your point, it’s just keeping that environment as calm and simplified, not too overstimulating. You know, music is always nice. Yeah. Music brings about a lot of nice […]you know, the smells and foods. And so it’s really just keeping that calmness and finding moments, moments of sensory connection. Not too over stimulating, but what works for one may not work for another. I’ve always really just, you know, if it, if it’s someone in the community, connect with the team and get a sense of where they’re at and what can be possible. Because again, we’re very inclusive. Whatever the stage, we can make it happen. Whether it’s at the community or home, we’re here to help.  

And at Bridges, you do that too. Like you do holiday, because I remember we did them at Westford and I know they’re still doing it like, like a community event. So someone could bring their loved one in and do like, make your own charcuterie board or whatever. And it’s at, at like, you know, and there’s 10, maybe 10 pairs of, you know, caregiver and uh, like loved one Right. In a room. And they’re at 10 different levels of like what they can do with a charcuterie. Some like, look like they’re chef-prepared, and then some  

Like they’re half eaten.  

Right. But yeah, I love that. Like, everybody’s gonna do it a little different, but everyone can participate. 

It’s so funny, just yesterday we had a pumpkin carving competition and it was so funny going across different, I mean, it was so nice. Everyone had a blast.  

That’s awesome. 

And they’re so funny. But you could see the different levels. Yeah. In terms of skills, but also depending on it’s, you know, their abilities. But overall it was fun. Everyone had a laugh. Yeah. And, you know,  so yes, to your point, depending on their levels, depending on abilities, and we can still make it happen. It’s all about focusing on what’s still possible. 

Right. And enjoying those moments and communication, and, you know, that engagement in between. Right. Because even if it doesn’t come out right, you can have a laugh at the right at the end result[…]there’s no charcuterie to serve after. Because you ate it all. You know, it’s all about that process. I also think it’s important for families and caregivers during the holiday, when they’re making these plans, to really think about what that plan B might be. Mm. Whether it’s in your home or you’re visiting somewhere, you know, if things are not going as you hoped, you know, having that plan B, and it could be even in your own home, people can get overstimulated when having company over, especially when it’s not something you do all the time. Right. You know, I think about a family member, I think it’s the twice-a-year Thanksgiving and Christmas that they’re hosting, otherwise they’re going out, they’re going places. So, you know, even having a quiet spot in your own home or having that plan B and retreating if you are out somewhere. Absolutely. Absolutely. 
Have you had any good ideas or suggestions for families on that?  

I mean, I think, you know, collaborating with us. Our families are, we, we collaborate, we have a collaborative relationship. , and so, you know, they, they’re up to date on how their loved ones are. And, we tend, depending on the situation, depending on the resident, we make plans, and it can be something as simple as, okay, you know, we’ll be picking up our loved one on such and such date, making sure they have everything they need. 
And sometimes it could be, acquiring additional support, maybe a caregiver or someone to accompany them, because you’re at a stage where they may need more help. But, ultimately it’s just collaborative. And, our doors are always open. We have a lot of resources, just to really help around the holidays. 

Yeah. And at one, sorry, one thing we, we talk about with the staff really is staying in the moment mm-hmm. Is like, the gift of the work that we do with these residents is like, it’s an opportunity to be 100% present in like, what are you’re doing? And so, like, working with families, it’s also their opportunity to try to be one to be present in whatever it is they’re doing. Mm-hmm. And it’s like presence, not perfection. Yeah. That we don’t have, it doesn’t all have to be Instagram worthy. It’s probably not gonna be, and that’s okay. That’s part of the fun. Yeah. And like, not getting caught up in the end result. 
I love that. It’s not perfection. It’s connection. Connection, yeah. 

Connection. It’s all about the connection. So, how do you and your team talk a little bit about your team during the holidays? Like, it’s, I’ve watched your Facebook page, like it gets really wild. It’s like, it looks like a nonstop party, which I know it’s not,  ‘cause you do also do your regular programming and you keep a nice schedule, but it looks super fun, super engaging. How do you all do it?  

Honestly, again, I have an amazing team and, in life enrichment and dining, I have two of the most creative leaders leading those teams. And so, they come up with some of the best ideas. And it makes a difference when you love what you do and when you’re passionate about what you do because it’s not easy. Working in this line of work and seeing so much loss. You know, loss of function, loss of memory, and whatnot. But they are somehow able to turn it around. They come up with the most creative things. And, as far as a team and how we operate, honestly, it is through teamwork. And just, you know, we’re just a group of folks who really are compassionate, have empathy, and we truly have a, you know, a caring heart. Right. And we love what we do. And so yes, we get together, we meet, we’re actually planning our holiday party. So you 

 A party with your team? 

We party with our residents. It’s always a party. It feels like a, and it’s a, I have my own events, you know, uh, decorations and whatnot. Again, such a talented team. You walk in and, you feel, from the moment you set foot in, you feel the vibe, you feel, you know, the energy. And that reflects, you know, on everyone. Our residents, especially, you know, it’s, we, and again, we are inclusive in the sense that whatever stage, whether it’s mild impairment to severe, you know, you are involved, you know, we’re holding hands. Mm-hmm. We’re dancing, we’re singing along to, you know, carols and different, you know, types of music. So, we make it inclusive, we make it fun, and we join everyone where they’re at. And we read the room. Sometimes it’s not, you know, the big noise and celebration. Sometimes it’s more calm. But sometimes, you know, it’s a party. We had Elvis at our Party last year.  

That’s awesome.  

And that was fun. 
So it’s Good to have a variety.  

Right. I’ll never forget, I was coming to your purple flag celebration when you received the honor of Purple Flag Dementia care, designation, which is a big deal in and of itself. And, like, from the street I could see the decorations, and there was like a big purple arc of balloons. Like it was, it was wild. You sure know how to decorate.  

They sure do. Kudos to my team. 

Yeah. You have a great team. And you know, you bring up a great point. You know, as caregivers, people are really trying hard to make the holidays wonderful for their loved one. 
I mean, we hear people at home, especially if their loved one’s progressing, that, you know, before we make a move, we’re gonna get through one more holiday, one last holiday. Or even if they are at the Bridges, they wanna make this a holiday that’s special for their loved one. But I oftentimes think caregivers are so busy trying to make their loved ones happy that they oftentimes forget about themselves. And I would just love, you know, for you to share, you know, I think also, like we were saying earlier, the guilt and stress that caregivers put on themselves. You know, how can caregivers recognize when they’re reaching their limit, and what are some things they can do for themselves during this time of year?  

Absolutely. It’s going back to that need to make everything perfect. Right. You know, and what I have to say honestly, ‘cause uh, my heart goes out to my families, my spouses, and everyone, you know, the daughters, the sons. And, it’s not easy. 

And I, I feel they have so much guilt, so much stress, and so many different emotions. You know, am I doing enough or, it’s okay. But also, you know, self-care, right? It is so important. 
It’s a necessity. Mm-hmm. It’s not selfish, you know? And it, just telling them to take a beat and really just focus on themselves and taking care of themselves, and to, you know, take that time for them, so that they can be their best self, and not feel guilty for taking the time.  

Absolutely. That’s huge. Absolutely. It’s like that, that the oxygen mask, you have to put it on yourself first. Yes. And then you put it on the person next to you. And that is so true. 
And I think finding those when, you know, if you’re at home when someone says, Can I help you? How can I help? And week after week after week you say, oh, no, no, I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. To finally say, yeah, can you come to the house for two hours and hang out with my spouse? Cause I’m gonna go shopping, or I’m gonna go to a party, and that’s okay. Right? And to, and if you have someone living in a community like Bridges to say, I’m not gonna visit on Christmas Day because Luidja’s team have it under control, and they’re gonna have a great time, and I’m gonna do the things that I have to do, you know, at home and be the places I need to be because I can come the night before and have a great time with my loved one and not feel guilty because you’re taking care of it. You and your team are taking care of it, and that’s absolutely just fine. And most of the time, that’s what your loved one would want. If they could articulate it 

A hundred percent.  

And also meeting, you know, them where they’re at. You know, not expecting them to necessarily remember, or even if it’s not going as expected, just join the journey. Journey. You know, just really meet them where they’re at in the moment and make the best of the time spent together.  

And, you know, talking about the caregiver support, I really just want you to be able to take a moment to highlight some of the supportive programming you guys are offering at the Bridges communities. What are some of the supportive programming that you’re offering?  

So we have, we are big on support and resources. We have multiple opportunities for virtual support groups, in-person support groups. We have Alicia Seaver, our Vice President of Operations. She is our dementia guru. And such an amazing, I mean, she’s an inspiration, at least to me. So, we, we are big on support in-house. , you know, we have a supportive team and, you know, we make ourselves available to our families, to folks who even those who are not in our community, where, you know, our senior advisor plays a big role in anyone who reaches out to us. ‘Cause they may not necessarily be appropriate, or we may be a full house and not, you know, readily available to help. We are a resource and have set support groups in place, an education series. We have different partners, McLean’s Hospital is one of them. I mean, we, you know, we have a ton if you check out our website. Always welcome. 

That’s awesome.  

You know, even if you’re just thinking about it, wherever you’re at on the journey, planning ahead, we meet a lot of folks who maybe one partner has, you know, is perfectly fine. And the other has some challenges, and they wanna plan ahead. And that’s perfectly okay. 
And I think being amongst people and knowing that you’re not alone, you know, so many people who are going through this family illness because it truly does affect the family as a whole. They oftentimes feel alone. So to come to a space and a community where they can connect and share with one another is, I think is the most beautiful part of these Groups.  

Absolutely. I love when our families get together. We actually just started a family caregiver happy hour.  

Oh, that’s a great Idea.  

We had our second one last month, and then it was just nice to see, you know, the vibe being with others who are in similar situations.  

Sure. 

And the happy hour is a nice change from the support group. The support group is needed, but it’s more social.  

Absolutely. And it’s for them only, you know. Just the time away from everything else and just taking a break. Much-needed break.  

Love that. So love that. 

I love that. If you’re in need of that, reach out to our Bridges.  

Yeah, no kidding. It’s one of the great, I, you know, we’ve talked about this before, but one of the great reasons to work for EPOCH Senior Living, I have, it sounds like a commercial, but like, when you work for a company that allows you to do what’s right first. So, so creating those spaces is really like amazing. Like, I could spend a half hour, 45 minutes on the phone with someone talking about how they’re gonna manage the holidays, and that’s, that’s okay. They may never move into a Bridges, doesn’t matter. Like that’s our job is to help people, and you all do it. Your team does it. So beautiful in Lexington and our team in Westford and all around the area. But like, it’s just, we’re very grateful for the work you do. So thank you so much to you and your team.  

It’s my pleasure and my honor, it’s truly to serve. This is a terrible disease. But again, there are still so many possibilities.  

That’s True. 

And that’s the focus, Connection, connection, connection.  

And, before we wrap up, because your presence, Luidja, is always so calming, truly, for all of us. Even Erica agreed at the start of this program. So what personally keeps you grounded and brings you joy during this time of year?  

Oh my goodness, honestly, I mean, my favorite part of my job is time spent with my residents. You know, the more time I spend with them, they energize me somehow. 
That and problem-solving. Yes, you agree with that, but no, I, I just love what I do. It just makes sense for me, for who I am, and just, yeah, I love what I do. So when you love what you do, it doesn’t even, you know, it’s not work. Yeah. Yeah. But thank you. Yeah. 

No, and it shows each and every day. And I can’t thank you enough for being here and sharing your insight and advice for family members who are caregiving through the holidays. And happy holidays, everyone. Whatever you celebrate, do it well. 
Uh, do it for fun and enjoy.  

And, make sure to take time to fill your cup and fill your cup. 

Yes. Self care. 

Thanks so much. During these holidays, everyone’s gonna be getting a spa gift card.  

Well, thanks for joining us, everyone. This has been EPOCH Exchange, and we’ll see you next time. 

Until the next time, take care. Hello and welcome to the EPOCH Exchange, the podcast where we have real conversations about senior life, senior living, dementia care, and the amazing people who make it all happen. I’m Erica Labb, Director of Team Member Engagement and Culture at EPOCH Senior Living, the premier provider of senior living in the Northeast.

And I’m Sarah Turcotte, Area Community Liaison for several of our Bridges by EPOCH and Waterstone Communities. Together, we’ll be your hosts, bringing you stories, insights, and expert voices from across our organization and beyond. Whether you’re a caregiver, a family member, a professional, somebody navigating the early stages of dementia, or somebody considering assisted living, this podcast probably has something for you. We’re here to share what we’ve learned. Spotlight the work happening every day in senior care, and offer ideas and inspiration to support wellbeing at every stage of aging.

Each episode we’ll be joined by guests who are making a difference from community leaders to care team members and clinical experts. We are delighted to welcome our friend Luidja Jean Louis, Executive Director of Bridges by EPOCH at Lexington, to share both what happens within Bridges communities during the holiday season, and to share practical advice for caregivers supporting loved ones during the holiday season at home.
As Executive Director of Bridges by EPOCH at Lexington, Luidja is responsible for our community’s daily operations. She leads a dedicated team in carrying out the unique Bridges approach to memory care. Her goal is to ensure that every resident enjoys a comfortable, inspiring and well-focused lifestyle every single day. Luidja has more than a decade of senior living and healthcare experience. She’s a registered nurse and has multiple higher education degrees and certifications, including her associate of science degree in nursing and a certificate in Alzheimer’s and dementia care. And we have seen it live and in person, what a fabulous provider you are, and what a great leader. So, so thrilled to have you on our show today. Thank you.

And thank you for having me.

Great to have You here. Yes, nurse extraordinaire for sure.

Oh, Stop it.
Yeah, no, it’s a true story. I mean, before we dive into some of these questions, can you share just a little bit about how you came into senior care and became the fabulous nurse that you are?

So, interestingly enough, prior to veering into assisted living, I aspired to be a pediatric nurse. So

Oh my gosh.

After my peds rotation, I changed my mind.

Thank God for rotations, right?

Yeah. And so, geriatrics just spoke to me. It was, it made sense just for where I was, who I am, and the nursing home world can take a toll, the skilled nursing. And so, my first experience in assisted living, I was blown away. And ever since I went that route, I never went back. Yeah.

And you continue to accelerate your career, going from the caring side and the wellness side into the operation side, which is quite a move.

Yes, very true.

And what a luxury for the folks you serve. You have an operations person who has the nursing background. I just think it’s, you know, in the acting business, they call it a triple threat. It’s like, you know, the double threat of […] it’s just fantastic. It’s like a lot of talent in, uh, in one person.

And I think about, you know, in your role now as Executive Director, you are helping our residents, right? Primarily with your nursing background. And not only do we help our residents and people living with dementia, but when you’re working with cognitive impairment, oftentimes we’re working with the caregivers too.

Absolutely.

So, to come with your expertise and your knowledge and supporting families, it really goes a long way., and it really brings us to the topic we’re here to chat about today, which is caregiving through the holidays. You know, the holidays are known as an exciting time. It can stir up excitement, nostalgia, but it can also bring stress and sadness, and it’s difficult to navigate. I would just love to start, you know, can you share a little bit about what you see families going through when the holidays start to approach?

I mean, to your point, you know, the holidays are supposed to be exciting and warm, but we do see some of that. We see a mix of emotions, for the most part. And it’s typically joy and sadness. It’s a mix. It’s bittersweet.

Even. I want to say too, when we talk about the holidays, like we’re really talking about a wide variety of holidays. Like, because especially in communal living, you’re living with people from all different backgrounds who celebrate all different holidays. So, we’re really talking about, you know, quite a big swathe. You know, we have the American holidays of Thanksgiving, right? That, but also like various religions, and a lot of traditions tend to be highlighted this time of year because of, I think probably because of Christmas. So that a lot of other holidays get amplified to enjoy the holiday season, like culturally, and so you have to meet all these different needs of people.

Yes. We are very inclusive. Yeah. It’s fantastic.

And it’s a lot of planning, though. It’s a lot of planning, it’s a lot of planning and changes of routines, and, you know, can you share a little bit about the maybe patterns or emotions that you find people going through as they’re going through these changes?

Absolutely. So, with our families, we tend to see, you know, they, they miss how things used to be, right? You think about their loved ones and, depending on where they’re at in the journey, maybe things have progressed, whether it be at home or in our communities, you know, things do progress. Unfortunately, that’s the nature of the illness. And so, depending on where they’re at, you know, it’s not when they think back to previous memories, right? ‘cause the holidays invoke so many different feelings. And mom can’t bake those cookies that you or, or host, right? And so it, it is bittersweet. They, they, you know, show up, they make an effort. , and it’s nice to see. , and my heart certainly goes out to them. It, it’s the mix of emotions and for us, you know, and what makes us special, I mean, I have a great team. I’ll start with that ‘cause it does take a village, but we, we focus on intentional connections. You know, it’s not just about the big celebrations and the noise, but really just connections and warmth and still finding opportunities. And that’s what we tell our families. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Right? You know.

I think a lot of people hold on to what those traditions were and hold the standard in making sure it is like every other holiday. And a lot of times putting that pressure on themselves, it’s almost like unrealistic expectations that they’re putting on themselves.

Like you mentioned the cookies, right? Like baking cookies is often, you know, a winter holiday tradition no matter what you celebrate. Right? And so if that’s the tradition I’ve seen, you know, on social media, you all providing that opportunity to bake cookies and talk a little bit about how you welcome other folks in to do that. And also how making cookies changes maybe with someone with dementia, but how you still relive it.

Absolutely. So, we don’t just focus on limitations, we focus on possibilities.
Mm-hmm. And what’s still possible is, yeah, you know, mom or dad can’t go through all the motions, but we can still sprinkle in the sugar or they can mix the batter. Is it gonna be perfect? No. Is it gonna be messy? Yes. But we make it fun, so we just focus on what’s still possible at various different levels.
Yeah. And it’s in the moment and creating those festive Yeah. Moments and the smells.

The taste, everything just creates this calm and just really nice atmosphere.

Yeah. For, it’s interesting too how someone with dementia, we know, like, often their most recent, for them, for the person with the disease, right. The most recent holidays may not be what they’re thinking of, you know? So it’s like, you know, if I’m visiting a parent, I’m like, oh, this is what, what did we do? But they might be thinking about their own childhood, you know?

It’s true. Depending on where they are on their journey. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Very true.

Or any loss, you know, sometimes our brains go to losses during certain times of year, you know, and that’s, I think, where some of that sadness too, on top of the current losses.

Yeah, very true.

You know, if someone passed away, you know, five days before Christmas or you know, during Hanukkah or the day after Thanksgiving, like our bodies sort of hold that too, that grief. And then, do you see that manifesting in behavioral symptoms? You know?

Absolutely. You know, behavior is, it is a way of communication. There are always underlying triggers, and grief certainly plays a role. You know, a lot of, we have a lot of widows, unfortunately, or, a lot of losses, right? It comes with old age. So, yes, that’s a great point.

Yeah. And the holidays can be a blue time for some people if they’re celebrating with someone who’s no longer with them, who was special or a part of their traditions and celebrations.

Yeah. Let’s talk a little bit about knowing that reframing like the expectations.
So you’re working with a family, a newer family holiday season. What are some things you can help them with, or things that you might say to them to shift their idea of holidays and what is expected of them, and tricks you all use with dates and times of celebration, so that people can rethink the way they do it?

The holidays certainly, may, you know, may look different in memory care. And a lot of what we focus on is what’s still possible. We, you know, a lot, oftentimes, some of our, you know, some folks with dementia, they, they may be disoriented, they may not know specifically that today is, you know, let’s say you celebrate Christmas, that it is Christmas. So, I always tell families, celebrate when you can. And however you can. Don’t, you know, feel that it’s a must. Oh, it’s Christmas Day, and I have to see. No, you, again, we’re not looking for perfection. It’s really, you know, yeah. It’s those moments of connection and making the best of what’s still possible

Exactly. And I think too, like you were saying, it, it, it’s all in the how we’re, like you are doing at Bridges. You guys make the residents a part of the process and get them ready for the holidays. People are helping to put up little decorations. Yes. Or reminiscing over decorations as they’re putting them out. So again, it’s a lot of pressure ‘cause we’re getting ready for the holidays, but how can we turn this into something that’s more meaningful than stressful?

And you can do that at home, too. Same thing, like walking around with the garland, having someone help you, and it doesn’t mean if it’s Christmas, say you don’t have to get a big tree, but even just decorating a tabletop tree. Absolutely. And, you know, some intergenerational stuff, those dates, like that was something I learned, and that kind of, like, was a head scratcher. Like also just for those of us, you know, with life changes, right? So we’re, uh, a lot of people, families we work with are in the sandwich generation of like, they’re caring for teens and their parents, and it’s like, do we have to have that big Christmas Eve party? Like maybe no. Like, maybe we don’t have to have that. Like it’s okay to like switch things up a little bit, or to pare down and say, we’re gonna have, you know, two families over and we’re gonna have a great time, but we’re not gonna, you know, have 50 people over because it’s upsetting to grandma. Mm-hmm. Or it’s too much.
Like, ‘cause a lot of times it’s too much.

And that overstimulation is what causes some symptoms to be triggered, right? Absolutely. Or behaviors that come up ‘cause of this overstimulation. And I think that’s a great, you know, maybe sharing a few ideas on how people can adapt, you know, as Erica was saying, is it having one family over at a time, or when the family does come, the kids play in this room. Mm-hmm. And you know, right. My memory-impaired loved one stays in this room, so it’s not so overstimulating.

Absolutely. There are a lot of routine changes around the holidays. Right. And that can cause confusion with someone with memory impairment. And so, you know, it depends on, you know, where they’re at in terms of stages. For some, it might make sense to, you know, we have, for example, in our community, we have a, we can reserve a separate room, which is more like a conference room. And that’s where, you know, your loved ones can come get together and celebrate. Some celebrate right on the households or some are able to take their loved one home. And to your point, it’s just keeping that environment as calm and simplified, not too overstimulating. You know, music is always nice. Yeah. Music brings about a lot of nice […]you know, the smells and foods. And so it’s really just keeping that calmness and finding moments, moments of sensory connection. Not too over stimulating, but what works for one may not work for another. I’ve always really just, you know, if it, if it’s someone in the community, connect with the team and get a sense of where they’re at and what can be possible. Because again, we’re very inclusive. Whatever the stage, we can make it happen. Whether it’s at the community or home, we’re here to help.

And at Bridges, you do that too. Like you do holiday, because I remember we did them at Westford and I know they’re still doing it like, like a community event. So someone could bring their loved one in and do like, make your own charcuterie board or whatever. And it’s at, at like, you know, and there’s 10, maybe 10 pairs of, you know, caregiver and uh, like loved one Right. In a room. And they’re at 10 different levels of like what they can do with a charcuterie. Some like, look like they’re chef-prepared, and then some

Like they’re half eaten.

Right. But yeah, I love that. Like, everybody’s gonna do it a little different, but everyone can participate.

It’s so funny, just yesterday we had a pumpkin carving competition and it was so funny going across different, I mean, it was so nice. Everyone had a blast.

That’s awesome.

And they’re so funny. But you could see the different levels. Yeah. In terms of skills, but also depending on it’s, you know, their abilities. But overall it was fun. Everyone had a laugh. Yeah. And, you know,  so yes, to your point, depending on their levels, depending on abilities, and we can still make it happen. It’s all about focusing on what’s still possible.

Right. And enjoying those moments and communication, and, you know, that engagement in between. Right. Because even if it doesn’t come out right, you can have a laugh at the right at the end result[…]there’s no charcuterie to serve after. Because you ate it all. You know, it’s all about that process. I also think it’s important for families and caregivers during the holiday, when they’re making these plans, to really think about what that plan B might be. Mm. Whether it’s in your home or you’re visiting somewhere, you know, if things are not going as you hoped, you know, having that plan B, and it could be even in your own home, people can get overstimulated when having company over, especially when it’s not something you do all the time. Right. You know, I think about a family member, I think it’s the twice-a-year Thanksgiving and Christmas that they’re hosting, otherwise they’re going out, they’re going places. So, you know, even having a quiet spot in your own home or having that plan B and retreating if you are out somewhere. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Have you had any good ideas or suggestions for families on that?

I mean, I think, you know, collaborating with us. Our families are, we, we collaborate, we have a collaborative relationship. , and so, you know, they, they’re up to date on how their loved ones are. And, we tend, depending on the situation, depending on the resident, we make plans, and it can be something as simple as, okay, you know, we’ll be picking up our loved one on such and such date, making sure they have everything they need.
And sometimes it could be, acquiring additional support, maybe a caregiver or someone to accompany them, because you’re at a stage where they may need more help. But, ultimately it’s just collaborative. And, our doors are always open. We have a lot of resources, just to really help around the holidays.

Yeah. And at one, sorry, one thing we, we talk about with the staff really is staying in the moment mm-hmm. Is like, the gift of the work that we do with these residents is like, it’s an opportunity to be 100% present in like, what are you’re doing? And so, like, working with families, it’s also their opportunity to try to be one to be present in whatever it is they’re doing. Mm-hmm. And it’s like presence, not perfection. Yeah. That we don’t have, it doesn’t all have to be Instagram worthy. It’s probably not gonna be, and that’s okay. That’s part of the fun. Yeah. And like, not getting caught up in the end result.
I love that. It’s not perfection. It’s connection. Connection, yeah.

Connection. It’s all about the connection. So, how do you and your team talk a little bit about your team during the holidays? Like, it’s, I’ve watched your Facebook page, like it gets really wild. It’s like, it looks like a nonstop party, which I know it’s not,  ‘cause you do also do your regular programming and you keep a nice schedule, but it looks super fun, super engaging. How do you all do it?

Honestly, again, I have an amazing team and, in life enrichment and dining, I have two of the most creative leaders leading those teams. And so, they come up with some of the best ideas. And it makes a difference when you love what you do and when you’re passionate about what you do because it’s not easy. Working in this line of work and seeing so much loss. You know, loss of function, loss of memory, and whatnot. But they are somehow able to turn it around. They come up with the most creative things. And, as far as a team and how we operate, honestly, it is through teamwork. And just, you know, we’re just a group of folks who really are compassionate, have empathy, and we truly have a, you know, a caring heart. Right. And we love what we do. And so yes, we get together, we meet, we’re actually planning our holiday party. So you

 A party with your team?

We party with our residents. It’s always a party. It feels like a, and it’s a, I have my own events, you know, uh, decorations and whatnot. Again, such a talented team. You walk in and, you feel, from the moment you set foot in, you feel the vibe, you feel, you know, the energy. And that reflects, you know, on everyone. Our residents, especially, you know, it’s, we, and again, we are inclusive in the sense that whatever stage, whether it’s mild impairment to severe, you know, you are involved, you know, we’re holding hands. Mm-hmm. We’re dancing, we’re singing along to, you know, carols and different, you know, types of music. So, we make it inclusive, we make it fun, and we join everyone where they’re at. And we read the room. Sometimes it’s not, you know, the big noise and celebration. Sometimes it’s more calm. But sometimes, you know, it’s a party. We had Elvis at our Party last year.

That’s awesome.

And that was fun.
So it’s Good to have a variety.

Right. I’ll never forget, I was coming to your purple flag celebration when you received the honor of Purple Flag Dementia care, designation, which is a big deal in and of itself. And, like, from the street I could see the decorations, and there was like a big purple arc of balloons. Like it was, it was wild. You sure know how to decorate.

They sure do. Kudos to my team.

Yeah. You have a great team. And you know, you bring up a great point. You know, as caregivers, people are really trying hard to make the holidays wonderful for their loved one.
I mean, we hear people at home, especially if their loved one’s progressing, that, you know, before we make a move, we’re gonna get through one more holiday, one last holiday. Or even if they are at the Bridges, they wanna make this a holiday that’s special for their loved one. But I oftentimes think caregivers are so busy trying to make their loved ones happy that they oftentimes forget about themselves. And I would just love, you know, for you to share, you know, I think also, like we were saying earlier, the guilt and stress that caregivers put on themselves. You know, how can caregivers recognize when they’re reaching their limit, and what are some things they can do for themselves during this time of year?

Absolutely. It’s going back to that need to make everything perfect. Right. You know, and what I have to say honestly, ‘cause uh, my heart goes out to my families, my spouses, and everyone, you know, the daughters, the sons. And, it’s not easy.

And I, I feel they have so much guilt, so much stress, and so many different emotions. You know, am I doing enough or, it’s okay. But also, you know, self-care, right? It is so important.
It’s a necessity. Mm-hmm. It’s not selfish, you know? And it, just telling them to take a beat and really just focus on themselves and taking care of themselves, and to, you know, take that time for them, so that they can be their best self, and not feel guilty for taking the time.

Absolutely. That’s huge. Absolutely. It’s like that, that the oxygen mask, you have to put it on yourself first. Yes. And then you put it on the person next to you. And that is so true.
And I think finding those when, you know, if you’re at home when someone says, Can I help you? How can I help? And week after week after week you say, oh, no, no, I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. To finally say, yeah, can you come to the house for two hours and hang out with my spouse? Cause I’m gonna go shopping, or I’m gonna go to a party, and that’s okay. Right? And to, and if you have someone living in a community like Bridges to say, I’m not gonna visit on Christmas Day because Luidja’s team have it under control, and they’re gonna have a great time, and I’m gonna do the things that I have to do, you know, at home and be the places I need to be because I can come the night before and have a great time with my loved one and not feel guilty because you’re taking care of it. You and your team are taking care of it, and that’s absolutely just fine. And most of the time, that’s what your loved one would want. If they could articulate it

A hundred percent.

And also meeting, you know, them where they’re at. You know, not expecting them to necessarily remember, or even if it’s not going as expected, just join the journey. Journey. You know, just really meet them where they’re at in the moment and make the best of the time spent together.

And, you know, talking about the caregiver support, I really just want you to be able to take a moment to highlight some of the supportive programming you guys are offering at the Bridges communities. What are some of the supportive programming that you’re offering?

So we have, we are big on support and resources. We have multiple opportunities for virtual support groups, in-person support groups. We have Alicia Seaver, our Vice President of Operations. She is our dementia guru. And such an amazing, I mean, she’s an inspiration, at least to me. So, we, we are big on support in-house. , you know, we have a supportive team and, you know, we make ourselves available to our families, to folks who even those who are not in our community, where, you know, our senior advisor plays a big role in anyone who reaches out to us. ‘Cause they may not necessarily be appropriate, or we may be a full house and not, you know, readily available to help. We are a resource and have set support groups in place, an education series. We have different partners, McLean’s Hospital is one of them. I mean, we, you know, we have a ton if you check out our website. Always welcome.

That’s awesome.

You know, even if you’re just thinking about it, wherever you’re at on the journey, planning ahead, we meet a lot of folks who maybe one partner has, you know, is perfectly fine. And the other has some challenges, and they wanna plan ahead. And that’s perfectly okay.
And I think being amongst people and knowing that you’re not alone, you know, so many people who are going through this family illness because it truly does affect the family as a whole. They oftentimes feel alone. So to come to a space and a community where they can connect and share with one another is, I think is the most beautiful part of these Groups.

Absolutely. I love when our families get together. We actually just started a family caregiver happy hour.

Oh, that’s a great Idea.

We had our second one last month, and then it was just nice to see, you know, the vibe being with others who are in similar situations.

Sure.

And the happy hour is a nice change from the support group. The support group is needed, but it’s more social.

Absolutely. And it’s for them only, you know. Just the time away from everything else and just taking a break. Much-needed break.

Love that. So love that.

I love that. If you’re in need of that, reach out to our Bridges.

Yeah, no kidding. It’s one of the great, I, you know, we’ve talked about this before, but one of the great reasons to work for EPOCH Senior Living, I have, it sounds like a commercial, but like, when you work for a company that allows you to do what’s right first. So, so creating those spaces is really like amazing. Like, I could spend a half hour, 45 minutes on the phone with someone talking about how they’re gonna manage the holidays, and that’s, that’s okay. They may never move into a Bridges, doesn’t matter. Like that’s our job is to help people, and you all do it. Your team does it. So beautiful in Lexington and our team in Westford and all around the area. But like, it’s just, we’re very grateful for the work you do. So thank you so much to you and your team.

It’s my pleasure and my honor, it’s truly to serve. This is a terrible disease. But again, there are still so many possibilities.

That’s True.

And that’s the focus, Connection, connection, connection.

And, before we wrap up, because your presence, Luidja, is always so calming, truly, for all of us. Even Erica agreed at the start of this program. So what personally keeps you grounded and brings you joy during this time of year?

Oh my goodness, honestly, I mean, my favorite part of my job is time spent with my residents. You know, the more time I spend with them, they energize me somehow.
That and problem-solving. Yes, you agree with that, but no, I, I just love what I do. It just makes sense for me, for who I am, and just, yeah, I love what I do. So when you love what you do, it doesn’t even, you know, it’s not work. Yeah. Yeah. But thank you. Yeah.

No, and it shows each and every day. And I can’t thank you enough for being here and sharing your insight and advice for family members who are caregiving through the holidays. And happy holidays, everyone. Whatever you celebrate, do it well.
Uh, do it for fun and enjoy.

And, make sure to take time to fill your cup and fill your cup.

Yes. Self care.

Thanks so much. During these holidays, everyone’s gonna be getting a spa gift card.

Well, thanks for joining us, everyone. This has been EPOCH Exchange, and we’ll see you next time.

Until the next time, take care.