Being a caregiver requires you, first and foremost, to care. And one of the main aspects of caring is having the ability to empathize with another person. This is a skill that can come easy for some, but it’s not a skill that you’re necessarily born with. Sometimes it’s just plain difficult to empathize with others – and that goes double when you’re attempting to act with empathy towards someone who has dementia.
“There’s a difference between empathy and sympathy,” says Chrissy Ross, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee. “Sympathy is the act of sharing the feelings or interests of another. Empathy refers to the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings on a personal level, and is a very useful tool for helping navigate a care situation.”
Empathetic communication means showing your loved one, in word and deed, that you hear them, understand them and their feelings/emotions/experiences are valid and important. One example of this is if your loved one has just had surgery and is in pain. While you can’t physically feel their pain, you can understand their emotions, feelings and what they’re going through. This allows you to react in a specific way to help them feel better and comforted.
How to Be an Effective, Empathetic Communicator
Be present.
Caregivers are very busy people, and multitasking can feel like second nature. However, when it’s time to have a conversation with your loved one, it’s important to stop what you’re doing and focus on him or her. Sit down, use good eye contact and offer physical touch like holding their hand or patting their back. By showing your loved one that you are fully present and listening to them, it will be easier for them to express what they’re feeling (and for you to pick up on the subtle cues that you might have missed otherwise).
Stay calm, relaxed and quiet.
Your loved one with dementia will pick up on your tone of voice and your mood, so if you’re anxious and distracted, they’ll also become anxious, fearful or confused. Keep your body language open and relaxed (avoid crossing your arms across your chest or frowning). Lean forward to show your loved one that you’re interested and engaged with them, and keep your voice calm, yet friendly. These signals will show your loved one that you’re coming from a place of caring and that what they have to say to you is important.
Watch for your loved one’s emotional and non-verbal cues.
People with dementia may not always be able to articulate what they’re feeling or what they want to see, but body language can speak volumes. Watch and listen for the emotional cues that can help you suss out what they’re “really” saying. Emotional clues can be listening to how your loved one is saying their words and the flow of their speech. For example, if your loved one keeps losing their train of thought, falters in what they’re saying or otherwise appears to be distracted, you can gently nudge them to talk about what’s bothering them or what’s on their mind.
Facial expression is another thing to watch for – it’s a very accurate barometer of how your loved one may be feeling. Even people with severe dementia are able to show anger, fear, sadness or happiness in their body language and facial expressions. Take note of what you see and respond to their emotions. Responding to their emotional state is more important than what you’re actually saying.
Ask short, clear questions.
It can be hard to figure out what your loved one is trying to express, but asking simple questions can help you understand the heart of the matter. Ask yes and no questions, or easy-to-follow open-ended questions depending on your loved one’s cognitive abilities. Even if the conversation wanders away from the issue at hand, there’s always a reason – your loved one is trying to express something that matters a lot to them at that moment.
Give your loved one plenty of time to respond.
People with dementia often need time to respond to questions. It can be tempting to jump in and prompt them or try and guess what they’re trying to say. However, not every question needs an instant response. If your loved one is trying to express something that bothers them, your attempt to be helpful can backfire and make them feel like you’re rushing them or not paying attention to what they have to say. Instead, take a breath and allow your loved one as much time as they need to respond appropriately. You’ll find that if you remain quiet, your loved one will often break the silence on their own.
Search for the meaning behind the metaphor.
One of the signatures of dementia is having difficulty finding the right words, and substituting words with a similar meaning. Your loved one may also speak in “metaphors,” although not deliberately – they’re simply trying to express what they’re feeling but can’t quite articulate it. If he or she says something that sounds a little strange, don’t just let it go – listen empathetically to try and tease out their meaning. These metaphors can help people in the early and mid stages of dementia to talk about what they’re experiencing now, and it’s important to hear and validate them.
Be thoughtful when you respond.
Your loved one with dementia is the same person he or she has always been, and – even if they can’t verbalize it – they are worried about the impact their disease has on their family and caregivers. When you’re interacting with your loved one, be respectful and treat him or her as the adult they are. It may be tempting at times to be sarcastic, talk about them as if they’re not there or even speak down to them – even if you don’t intend to do so. Pay attention to how you’re talking to your loved one, and pay attention if you feel yourself getting frustrated or snippy. Remember, your loved one can’t control the way they act – it’s a symptom of the disease, not a reflection on them personally.
Empathetic communication is a skill all caregivers can adopt, even if you feel like you’re not naturally an empathetic person. With practice and patience, you’ll be able to have meaningful, interesting and fulfilling conversations with your loved one and help nurture your relationship while providing the care possible.
Peace of Mind for Cape Cod Seniors and Their Families
Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Age in Place
While many memory care assisted living communities are unable to care for those whose memory loss has progressed, Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee can continue to provide a home and care no matter the stage. Our age in place philosophy helps residents avoid the stress often associated with moving to another community and offers peace of mind to their families. Perhaps the best benefit, your loved one remains in the care of those they’ve grown to know and trust.
Supportive, Engaging Services
At Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee, we offer a program of care and services that celebrates life and supports individual strengths. Our compassionate and engaging approach adapts to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident. No matter what stage of memory loss a resident may be experiencing, families can be sure their loved one will receive a full array of services and a high level of personalized attention.
Contact us today to learn more.