Alicia Seaver is the Vice President of Memory Care Operations for EPOCH Senior Living and a Certified Memory Impairment Specialist. Every month, she addresses a specific issue related to memory and memory care. If you’re interested in hearing about a particular topic, please send a note to [email protected].
Q: Caregiving makes me feel very alone, even though logically I know that there are many people out there who experience the same things. What can I do and where can I go to get comfort and inspiration?
A: It’s true that being a caregiver can feel like a lonely journey at times. In working with families who have been affected by Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia for many years, one of the things I have found is that sharing stories with other caregivers is often what helps the most. Hearing what others have gone through in similar situations, gaining those insights and simply realizing that yes, you’re not alone – all those things are priceless resources for caregivers who are challenged and looking for inspiration.
Recognizing this, along with the unique challenges that were presented this year as a result of COVID-19, Bridges® by EPOCH memory care communities offer a virtual support group for family caregivers. The group discusses caregiving tips and strategies you can try at home to relieve your stresses and frustrations. It’s a great opportunity to tell your story, ask questions of Bridges® by EPOCH’s dementia-care experts, or simply listen as others share their own caregiving experiences. I highly recommend you join with us each month, as the truth of the matter is that it really can help you feel less isolated in your caregiving journey.
But if a caregiver support group is not your thing, one well-known source of inspiration comes from the nationally recognized Chicken Soup for the Soul® books. You know the ones – easy-to-read compilations of inspirational true stories about ordinary people’s lives. You can find Chicken Soup for the Soul in just about any variety or flavor you could want. In fact, they even have an installment titled Chicken Soup for the Caregiver’s Soul.
In honor of these books (Chicken Soup for the Soul Day is on November 12), I thought I would share a compilation of personal, true stories from dementia caregivers – just like you. These have been compiled from a wide variety of resources across the Internet – I hope you will find healing, inspiration and peace from reading their stories in their own words.
Count Your Blessings
“My father’s Alzheimer’s gradually took everything from him – except his spirit. He never stopped being ‘Dad.’ He never stopped loving, despite his inability to recognize his loved ones. The day he looked me in the eye and said, ‘I know what my name is, but I don’t know who I am,’ I knew how deeply he still trusted me … One of the greatest blessings of my life has been to be fully present with my parents as they passed from this life into the next, holding their hands and letting them go.” – Naomi Cochran
Communicate the Love
“My mother lived with me for six years, and they were years filled with not only conflict and challenges as her health continued to decline, but also great opportunities to heal everything that stood between us. I learned how difficult it is to be a caretaker – the challenges and emotions can become overwhelming, stressing us mentally and physically. The strain was so immense that there were times I wasn’t sure I would outlive her … The thing we did best was to keep communicating with each other. Because of that, we were able to heal our relationship so that by the end of her life, the only thing between us was love.” – Virginia A. Simpson
Never Give Up
“What helped me through the low points was my faith in God and the support system I had with my sisters and my husband, who are all Christians as well … It’s not always easy, but you’ve just got to try. You just can’t give up on them. And you really don’t know what they do remember or what they don’t, so don’t stop visiting them just because you think they don’t know who you are anymore, because you don’t know that. I just think it’s so important that they’re surrounded by people who love and care for them at all times.” – Kristy Dewberry
Find the Shining Moments
“Throughout my caregiving journey, there were many moments of laughter, tears, frustration, sorrow and happiness, and I worked at incorporating them all into my repertoire. Some moments stand out as very special – like the time my husband, who had not spoken for almost a year, replied, ‘You are the love of my life,’ when I asked him if he knew who I was. It is these moments that kept me going.” – Susan Miller
Remember They’re Still the Same
“My dad is so much more than his diagnosis. And I want to be respectful of that. He’s funny. He’s handsome. He’s smart. He’s principled. He’s an amazing father. He’s just the best of the best. And none of that has changed. His dementia has worsened in different ways, and we’ve worked through it in different ways, but he’s still all of those great things on any given day.”
Care for Yourself, Too
“I lost myself in caregiving. My life didn’t seem to matter as much,” she says. “But I realized I was missing out on what my mom wanted for me. She wanted me to live. So I started taking care of myself. I even hired an event planner who plans something for me to do each month. I took a train to the harbor. I went on a boat ride. And it boosted my psyche. I felt a weight lift off of me that I didn’t realize I had. I feel it is a privilege to care for my mom and my aunt and I cherish every moment I have with them because I know how this will end. But I would tell other caregivers that you need to take time for yourself and they need to see you living.”
Bridges® by EPOCH is here to support family caregivers in any way we can. To register for a virtual support group with the Bridges® by EPOCH team and other family caregivers, reach out to the Senior Advisor at your local Bridges® community for details and Zoom login instructions. We hope to see you at a future session.
Enhancing Quality of Life
Bridges® by EPOCH communities have been developed from the ground up to anticipate, meet and exceed the needs of our residents and their families. Our team of remarkable people, the exceptional care and services we offer and the purposeful design of our buildings all combine to create the most rewarding, secure and nurturing lifestyle possible for our residents.
We understand the concern families feel about ensuring quality of life for loved ones. That’s why, at Bridges® by EPOCH, we offer a wellness-centered lifestyle that focuses on reinforcing individual strength, so residents enjoy heightened confidence and self-esteem. Ultimately, we provide everything residents need to thrive and rediscover a life with purpose.
Inspiration for Success
At our Bridges® by EPOCH communities, we work closely with families to gain necessary insight and deeper understanding into the lives of our residents upon admission. With this initial information, along with what our exceptional team members learn about our residents each and every day, we are best prepared to provide highly individualized programming for our residents.