Everyone needs to take a well-deserved break now and then. All work and no play makes for a very unhappy individual. Even caregivers deserve – and need – to take some time off, relax and spend some time away from their responsibilities. But that can be easier said than done.
“For many caregivers, going on a vacation feels like a luxury they can’t afford,” says Brittney Jones, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham. “Caregiving can be a 24/7 job, so the idea of taking time away can feel selfish or impossible. On the rare occasions they are able to get away, caregivers can feel so guilty about it that they can’t really relax and enjoy their time off.”
It’s important, says Brittney, to remember that taking time for yourself is something that’s essential to your well-being. “It’s not being selfish, and you aren’t a bad caregiver when you want and need to spend time away from your charge,” she says. Actually, if you don’t take the time, you risk becoming burned out, which can lead to a whole variety of issues for you and your loved one.
Brittney suggests thinking of vacation as a way of caring for yourself. “Whether you’re taking a long trip overseas or you’re simply getting away for a weekend, going on vacation gives you the chance to take a deep breath, refocus and fill up your well of energy. You aren’t running away from your responsibilities – you’re doing what’s necessary to allow you to be the best caregiver possible.”
While scheduling a vacation is one thing, moving past the guilt you may feel is another. Here are four steps to help caregivers get past the feelings of guilt and have a happy, relaxing and restful vacation.
1. Find someone to fill in for you.
The first step in having a guilt-free vacation is having someone step in and take over your responsibilities to your loved one while you’re away. First, check with trusted friends and family members to see if one of them might be able to help out. You can also look into hiring a temporary caregiver or connecting with a senior living community to see what forms of respite care they have available. Think creatively about a solution, as well. If one person can’t commit to the entire length of your trip, are there two people who would be willing to split the responsibility? Be open, be honest, be flexible and be bold about asking for what you need. You may be surprised at how quickly people are willing to help.
2. Set your temporary caregiver up for success.
In order to make everything run smoothly for your senior loved one and a new caregiver, it’s important to give the temporary caregiver an opportunity to learn as much as he or she can about their responsibilities. Start by showing them how care is provided, including managing medication, dealing with transportation and errands, how to help with activities of daily living and so on. Write down everything and include pictures, if possible, so your helper has something to reference while you’re away.
Then, have the temporary caregiver (whether it’s a family member or a hired caregiver) come over while you’re there and watch you perform the activities in-person. This gives him or her the opportunity to ask questions and get a feel for what really needs to happen. Next, have your substitute fill in for you while you’re still there so you can observe or be nearby if assistance is needed. Do this as often as you wish or need before you and your substitute feel completely comfortable.
3. Think through communication while you’re away.
Just because you’re away doesn’t mean you don’t want to be in contact. Once you’ve found your substitute, think about how you’d like to stay in touch and be updated during your trip. Do you want daily check-ins, or would you prefer to only be contacted if there are questions? What’s the best way to contact you if there is an emergency (and what do you consider to be an emergency)?
You’ll also want to make sure that your temporary caregiver will be able to communicate with medical personnel if it’s necessary. In order to provide medical care for your loved one, the temporary caregiver will need to be on record with your doctor and other health professionals. Spend some time connecting with the appropriate parties and putting together information that your substitute will need in the event of an emergency, like a list of medications, insurance information, contact information of doctors and so on.
4. Give yourself permission to have fun.
The biggest barrier to a guilt-free vacation is, surprisingly, the caregiver themselves. It’s natural to feel guilty that you’re “running away,” or think you should be as close as possible in the event that “something happens.” This sort of irrational, unproductive guilt is admirable, but it also gets in the way of helping you be the best caregiver possible.
To get over these feelings, you need to give yourself permission. Remind yourself that you work hard and you deserve a vacation (after all, even professional caregivers get time off). If you’re worried about something happening while you’re away, accept that you are only human … and you can’t control what might happen. Meditation, positive affirmations and practicing being in the moment are all ways for you to stop and refocus if your mind starts spinning out of control.
Caregiver guilt is a natural part of caregiving, but it shouldn’t rule your life or keep you from doing good things for yourself. By giving yourself permission to go on vacation, taking steps to ensure that your loved one is well cared for and making sure all your bases are covered for when you’re away, you can have a relaxing, enjoyable and guilt-free vacation that leaves you rested and recharged.
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