Q. My dad always told me that honesty is the best policy, but now that he’s been diagnosed with dementia, caregivers are sharing that therapeutic fibbing has been one of the most helpful tools in their caregiving kit. I feel conflicted. Can you explain what this is and why it seems to be used so often?
A. While we want to be completely honest with our loved ones, Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia don’t always make it easy. In fact, there are times that telling the truth can lead to undue distress, both for you and your loved one with memory loss. It’s during times like this we may be led to tell what is often called a “fiblet” or therapeutic fib.
If you aren’t certain what this entails, read on to determine whether this might be useful to you during your caregiving journey with your father.
What is therapeutic fibbing?
Therapeutic fibbing is the practice of telling white lies or bending the truth to prevent distress or agitation in your memory-impaired loved one.
Why would I use therapeutic fibbing in dementia care?
Therapeutic fibbing is most often used in the stages of dementia where your loved one is no longer grounded in reality or is living in a different time in their mind, such as a young age.
Fibbing allows us to travel to their world, maintain positive emotion, understand what they are experiencing and validate their feelings – all while respecting their experience.
Isn’t telling a fib lying?
It’s important to realize that a therapeutic fib is not equivalent to a lie. To be a lie, you must tell information that is false in some way, with the intent to be deceitful or misleading. A good example is when scammers pretend to be part of a charity raising funds, only to steal money from a person with dementia. This type of lying is morally wrong and causes a great deal of harm.
In caregiving, the purpose of a fib is to promote the well-being of your loved one, helping them feel safe, validated and comfortable. Your intent is coming from a place of compassion and love.
When could fibbing help?
Sometimes family caregivers use therapeutic fibbing when they want to enhance their loved one’s self-esteem or dignity. It could also help prevent the harmful behavioral symptoms people with dementia are often prone to.
Therapeutic fibbing is also known to help create positive moments between the person with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia and the family members caring for this individual.
How can I use therapeutic fibbing?
Therapeutic fibbing is a powerful tool to help redirect an individual and avoid anxiety that can come with sharing the reality of a certain situation with them. Remember, your loved one has a disease of the brain; instead of arguing or correcting them, therapeutic fibbing gives you the opportunity to meet them in their reality.
Here are some examples of when therapeutic fibbing may be beneficial:
- When your loved one believes they have to go to work. In this situation, you could agree, but suggest that they eat prior to leaving. Use that time to live in their reality and distract them, moving on to the next activity.
- If they believe their significant other is on their way to pick them up for a date, but in reality they passed away years ago, sit and wait with them. Ask meaningful questions about their significant other. Discuss the pleasant weather and the scenery.
- When they begin to pack up their children’s lunches for school, don’t stop them or remind them their children are grown. Instead, use it as an opportunity to safely let them exercise their independence, asking questions about their children and bonding.
- If they believe they are a top chef or expert baker, then help them create a dish in the kitchen. Or, if they believe they’re an artist, break out the painting supplies and let them enjoy some art therapy.
We’re Here To Help
For more support or information about therapeutic fibbing, attend an upcoming event or support group at the community nearest you.
About Alicia
Alicia Seaver is the Vice President of Memory Care Operations for EPOCH Senior Living and a Certified Memory Impairment Specialist. Every month, she addresses a specific issue related to memory and memory care. If you’re interested in hearing about a particular topic, please send a note to [email protected].
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