How do we as humans connect? Through communication – both verbal and nonverbal. Language helps us bond, learn more about each other and nurture relationships. When your loved one is living with dementia, communication is one of the skills that starts to erode. However, there are still many opportunities to communicate with your loved one, although the style and approach will change.
Successful communication shows your loved one that you understand them, you hear them and that they are important to you. Those are all things we need and want, even for – or especially for – those with dementia.
Here are some tips to help you do just that.
Be present.
This is especially important for caregivers who often run around and multitask every minute of the day. You may be distracted when communicating with your loved one, but it’s important to sit and focus on them. Show them you are there with eye contact and even physical touch (like holding their hand). By showing them you are present and listening, communication will come easier for them (and you).
Stay calm, relaxed and quiet.
People with dementia may not understand the words you’re saying, but they do understand tone of voice and mood. Make sure you speak slowly, in a calm and happy manner. Don’t be fake, but be sure that you’re relaxed and present. This will help keep your loved one from becoming anxious, stressed or distracted.
Watch for emotional and nonverbal cues.
Even if your loved one can’t tell you verbally what they’re thinking or feeling, they can express themselves through their body language and emotions. Watch and listen for cues that will help you understand what they’re thinking, feeling or needing. Facial expressions can speak volumes, as even those who are in the late stages of dementia can express happiness or sadness through their faces.
Keep questions short and clear.
People with dementia can easily become confused by longer sentences and open-ended questions. Simple questions and sentences can help your loved one better follow the conversation and respond to what you’re saying. For example, if you’re offering a choice to your loved one (such as what they want for breakfast), say, “do you want oatmeal or eggs?” instead of asking, “what would you like to eat for breakfast?”
Give your loved one space to respond.
People with dementia require time to respond to questions – at a certain point, they can’t gather their thoughts or abilities quickly enough to give an “instant” answer or finish a sentence. It’s tempting for caregivers and other loved ones to try and prompt or finish a sentence when this happens. However, doing this will be confusing and frustrating for your loved one. Instead, take a breath and give your loved one plenty of time to respond. It’s okay to prompt your loved one or redirect the conversation if you see them spiraling or becoming anxious, but remember that it’s okay to sit in silence for a while.
Avoid “elderspeak.”
Elderspeak is a term for when someone talks to an older adult as if they’re a child – or worse, as if they’re not even there. Always remember that your loved one is an adult and deserves the respect that comes with that. Whenever possible, they should have a choice and a say in their own life. Pay attention to how you’re talking to them or making decisions. Showing respect and love in this way will help your loved one feel more secure and comfortable.
Nonverbal Communication Cues
As an individual progresses through the dementia journey, nonverbal communication becomes more and more important. As your loved one loses the ability to use words and spoken language, you’ll need to provide more opportunities for them to express themselves through their body, actions and tone of voice. It is frustrating and difficult for your loved one when they can’t express themselves, which can lead to anger, anxiety and other unwanted behaviors. Providing them with ways to get their point across helps them gain control and dignity while also being helpful. Here are some examples of how to use nonverbal communication with your loved one:
- Present options both verbally and physically. For example, if it’s snack time, show your loved one two options and allow them to pick the one they want.
- Reinforce what you’re saying. Using nonverbal or physical gestures to reinforce your point can help your loved one better direct their attention. For example, point to the television if you’re asking, “do you want to watch some TV?”
- Express your feelings. Our faces and bodies can help us get our point across very easily. Smile when you’re happy, nod yes when you agree, and shake your head no if you’re saying “no.”
- Be heartfelt. Remember always that actions speak louder than words. When you say, “I love you,” don’t just say it – hold your loved one’s hand or give them a hug. These actions can convey your love and affection much more strongly than words ever can.
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