There are many changes that occur in life following a diagnosis of dementia. Beyond planning for the future, getting finances in order and coordinating care for today and tomorrow, you or your loved ones also have to deal with the changing roles that will occur as the disease progresses.
“Since dementia is a progressive disease, the relationship that you or your loved one currently have will shift as abilities change and dementia systems surface,” says Cindy Wirth, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury, a memory care assisted living community in Sudbury, MA. “This can sometimes be the hardest part of the disease to accept, especially for spousal caregivers.”
Cindy says that your relationship will constantly be shifting and changing and can bring new waves of grief and difficulty throughout those changes. However, it’s still possible to have a rich, fulfilling relationship with your spouse or family member even throughout the progression of the disease.
If your loved one has been diagnosed in the early stages of the disease, Cindy says that you can actually use this time as an opportunity to draw even closer to your loved one. “Dementia doesn’t just flip a switch and suddenly your loved one has changed completely,” she explains. “There still is time to make memories, create meaningful moments and nurture your existing relationship to enjoy every moment. Building those connections now will help both you and your loved one find comfort and happiness throughout your journey.”
After a dementia diagnosis, you and your loved one will need to work together to determine a course of action. Family caregivers (like a spouse or child) will need to start handling an increasing number of responsibilities in order for their loved one to live the best possible lifestyle. As soon as possible, sit down with your loved one with dementia and make sure that financial and legal papers are in order. You’ll also want to talk about future care options and how to manage transitions as they come up.
There are no specific courses to follow when adjusting to the new roles that will come about due to the dementia disease. Still, there are many things you can do to help you and your loved one move forward together.
Remember your loved one is the same person they’ve always been.
Even though dementia will cause your loved one to change and act differently, they are still the same person you have always known and loved. That relationship that you’ve built together is still there, too. It’s easy for the healthy spouse or family member to step fully into a caregiving role, but remember that you still are a spouse, lover, child or friend even before the “caregiver” role. It’s important to find ways to nurture that existing relationship, even in the later stages of the disease.
Accept your emotions and give yourself time to grieve.
Both individuals with dementia and their loved ones will experience grief and other emotions due to the changes taking place. For those with dementia, they may feel upset, sad and guilty that their loved one has to handle these changes. Caregivers can mourn the loss of the future that they had once envisioned for themselves. It’s important to recognize these emotions and allow yourself to feel them fully. Be sure to share those feelings with your loved one, too, as long as it’s in a productive and positive way. For example, it’s okay to let your spouse know you’re sad by the changes but that you still love them and are there for them. Being vulnerable with our feelings helps draw us closer to the people we care about, even in the most trying times.
Take a deep breath and go with the flow.
Dementia can be an unpredictable disease, so using logic and common sense doesn’t always work when trying to handle a charged situation. The best thing you can do for yourself and your loved one is to be flexible, calm and positive, no matter what happens. Trying to force things the way you want to go or not accepting the changes can cause undue anxiety and stress. Instead, give yourself (and your loved one) grace, which will lead to a warmer, more welcoming and kinder atmosphere that will help you and your loved one continue to nurture and strengthen relationships.
Reach out to others.
Many family caregivers report feeling lonesome or isolated. It’s a fact that, when you become a caregiver, your relationships with other people around you change as much as the relationship you have with your loved one. Remaining socially connected with friends and family members will help you keep balance and also bring joy into the life of the loved one you’re caring for. Although it may seem hard at first, reach out to others and find people you can rely on. Having a close friend with whom you can spend time is great – finding a support group can also be a boon. You will more than likely be the one who has to take the initiative to reach out to others, but make the effort – it will benefit you and your other relationships in innumerable ways.
Always look for ways to make memories.
Even though dementia eventually takes away your loved one’s memories, that doesn’t mean that you both can’t still make meaningful memories each and every day. Living in the moment and sharing experiences together can cause joy, happiness, laughter and deep connection.
“We often remind friends and family members that life doesn’t end with a dementia diagnosis,” says Cindy. “There are still many opportunities for you and your loved one to enjoy each other’s company and adapt your relationships, so they remain meaningful and fulfilling for years to come.”
Exceptional Care & Engaging Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury provides exceptional memory care in a comfortable and engaging environment. Designed specifically to support those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community delivers a wellness-focused lifestyle that respects individual preferences and abilities. Our teams receive ongoing, specialized training so they may help residents safely exercise their independence in a secure, calm environment.
Dedicated Memory Care
Our expert dementia care and comprehensive services are tailored to meet the unique needs of our residents, wherever they are on their journey with memory loss. Our life-enrichment programs are personalized to residents’ interests and abilities, providing joy and meaning in daily life and enhancing emotional well-being.
Purpose-Built Design
Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury is more than a safe, beautiful place to live; it’s truly a home where compassionate, dementia-educated caregivers help people with memory loss live more fulfilling lives. Our research-based design features, including soft lighting and colors, nonglare flooring, directional cues, and aromatherapy, empower residents to comfortably move about their homes with confidence.
Bridges® by EPOCH is New England’s largest stand-alone memory care assisted living provider.