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Becoming a Parental Caregiver

Wednesday, June 09, 2021

Alicia Seaver is the Vice President of Memory Care Operations for EPOCH Senior Living and a Certified Memory Impairment Specialist. Every month, she addresses a specific issue related to memory and memory care. If you’re interested in hearing about a particular topic, please send a note to [email protected].

 

Q: After many worrisome months, my mom finally went to a doctor and was diagnosed with dementia. I’ve decided to be her full-time caregiver while I can. What sort of things should I expect, and what tips do you have for a first-time caregiver?

 

A: First of all: you’re not alone. Many adults these days find themselves becoming caregivers to parents and other family members. The Family Caregiver Alliance reports that 85 percent of caregivers in the United States are caring for a relative or other loved one. Of those, 42 percent are providing assistance and care to a parent.

 

Besides dealing with the very real physical demands of caregiving, parental caregiving also comes with the weight of what’s called role reversal – that is, the emotional shift that comes from becoming the parent to your parent. Rest assured that it’s normal to be feeling a wide variety of emotions at this time. This is a tough stage to be in, but being honest and allowing yourself to feel and absorb your emotions will help you manage the situation, build confidence and help you keep and nurture your existing relationship with your parent.

 

Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate time.

 

Understand your emotions – and theirs. Your aging parent is likely anxious, depressed and/or dealing with other negative emotions – especially if they are in the early stages of dementia. This can cause them to become withdrawn, scared or simply overwhelmed. Plus, they’re going through physical, emotional and mental changes, which can be hard for an adult child to watch. At the same time, you as the caregiver are trying to manage your grief and emotions about switching from a child to the primary caregiver. It’s important to remember that all these emotions are natural, and it’s important for you to listen, understand and absorb what you and your loved one are feeling. By helping provide a calming influence, both you and your loved one will feel immensely better.

 

Give yourself the opportunity to grieve. Becoming a caregiver means that you’re saying goodbye to the previous role that you held as your parent’s child. This is a big loss, and it’s completely okay to have a lot of conflicting emotions right now. In a sense, you are dealing with a death – the death of a relationship as you knew it for so long – so give yourself the space to feel and process your emotions.

 

Join a Caregiver Support Group. One way to help cope with these difficult emotions is to join a caregiver support group. Through sharing your story and talking with others, you are sure to find others who are in similar situations and dealing with the challenges of caregiving as well. It’s a safe place to get advice, learn new caregiving or coping strategies, or share your own insight to help others. Often, members of support groups feel less isolated, have less anxiety and gain a sense of empowerment and control. By hearing the stories of others, you may also have a better understanding of what to expect in the future as circumstances inevitably change.

 

Make time for your existing relationship. It’s very easy for the caregiving relationship to overtake all aspects of your life and push your existing relationship – the parent/child relationship – to the back burner. While you’re caring for your parent’s immediate needs, don’t forget about nurturing that parental bond as well. They, just as much as you, need that opportunity to laugh, reminisce and share time together in a non-caregiving manner.

 

Ask for help – and know when you need help. This is not an easy situation for anyone, and although your knee-jerk reaction may be that ‘I don’t need any help!”’ you need to remember that dementia is a progressive disease that will require more and more from you.

Eventually your parent will require full-time care, and most of the time adult children can’t – and shouldn’t have to – manage that on their own. Turning to a respected partner like a Bridges® by EPOCH community can help you and your loved one in many ways.

 

A dedicated memory care assisted living community provides the professional, around-the-clock assistance that your parent needs while giving you the time and space to step back from caregiving and instead focus on creating memorable, meaningful moments together. At Bridges® by EPOCH, we are also committed to being a resource for families – whether their loved one is ready to move in with us or not. If you are ever in need of information, resources or support, we invite you to reach out to one of our Senior Advisors who can help you through the sometimes overwhelming journey with memory loss.

 

Enhancing Quality of Life

Bridges® by EPOCH communities have been developed from the ground up to anticipate, meet and exceed the needs of our residents and their families. Our team of remarkable people, the exceptional care and services we offer and the purposeful design of our buildings all combine to create the most rewarding, secure and nurturing lifestyle possible for our residents.

We understand the concern families feel about ensuring quality of life for loved ones. That’s why, at Bridges® by EPOCH, we offer a wellness-centered lifestyle that focuses on reinforcing individual strength, so residents enjoy heightened confidence and self-esteem. Ultimately, we provide everything residents need to thrive and rediscover a life with purpose.

 

Inspiration for Success

At our Bridges® by EPOCH communities, we work closely with families to gain necessary insight and deeper understanding into the lives of our residents upon admission. With this initial information, along with what our exceptional team members learn about our residents each and every day, we are best prepared to provide highly individualized programming for our residents.

Bridges® by EPOCH is New England’s largest stand-alone memory care assisted living provider

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