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Strengthening Your Relationship Through Memory Loss

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

It is never easy when someone you love is diagnosed with dementia. Whether you’re a spouse, a child or a friend of the individual, dementia means that your relationship with the person will change and evolve due to the progressive nature of the disease. This can be very difficult for all involved. Some people may end up withdrawing from the person because they don’t know the right way to react or interact. However, that’s the worst possible thing you can do for your loved one, says Fred Kelly, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke, a memory care assisted living community in Pembroke, MA.

“Even though your friend or loved one’s abilities will change over their dementia journey, they are still the same person they were prior to the diagnosis, and you still have a relationship that you will want to honor, strengthen and celebrate,” he says. “Staying connected to people they care about is so important for those with dementia, no matter what stage of the disease they’re in.”

Fred says that he’s spoken with many family members who have been able to nurture and strengthen their relationship with their loved one with dementia, especially in the early stages of the disease. “Spouses tell me that they feel that, in a way, it was a blessing to get the dementia diagnosis so early because they were able to truly focus on making memories with their loved one and celebrating that relationship,” he says. “Understanding that your relationship will change, but that it can still be nurtured, can help friends and family members process and navigate this situation themselves.”

Do you have a family member or loved one who has been diagnosed with dementia? Here are seven tips to help you improve and strengthen the relationship you have with them, no matter what stage of the disease they are in.

 

1. Honor the person they still are.

It can be very hard to watch when a loved one or family member loses memories and abilities. It’s even harder if they start to act and appear vastly different from the person you know. That’s why it’s so important to remember that it’s the disease that’s causing him or her to act or react in certain ways – it doesn’t have anything to do with you or your relationship. Inside, your friend or loved one is the same person they’ve always been, and the relationship that you’ve built over the years is still there. Remember that relationship, and find ways to honor and show your love whenever you interact with the individual. Perhaps the easiest way to do this is to follow the golden rule: treat others the way you’d like to be treated. This is particularly true in the early stages of the disease, when your friend or family member may be at the very beginning of their journey and aren’t experiencing a lot of symptoms yet. Be there for them, listen to them and continue to do the things you enjoy with them.

 

2. Be flexible.

People with dementia have good days and bad days and their abilities can fluctuate quite a bit during those days. They also may not understand or recognize that there’s anything “wrong” with them, so it can sometimes be jarring to realize that logic or reason doesn’t work in particular situations. As you’re interacting and spending time with your friend or loved one, remind yourself that it’s easier to enter into their reality rather than try and draw them into yours. This may require you to be flexible or creative in different situations, such as helping move your loved one’s attention to a different topic, or listening to your friend tell a story that you know isn’t completely true. Choose to treat each day and every interaction as if everything is natural and normal. This will hopefully help keep you from being frustrated, sad or anxious, which will result in a better atmosphere and a kinder space to help strengthen your bonds of love and friendship.

 

3. Focus on making the most of every moment.

Even though dementia steals the memories from your loved one or friend, that doesn’t mean you should stop making memories with them. It actually means that it’s more important than ever to do meaningful things together and treasure every moment as it comes. One of the things that dementia professionals say is that “life doesn’t end with a dementia diagnosis,” and it’s very true. Although throughout the course of the disease, you will need to find new ways to connect and interact with your loved one or friend, there still are countless ways to spend time together, share moments and enjoy life.

 

4. Adapt activities according to their abilities.

Doing meaningful activities together is incredibly important for building relationships. Depending on where your loved one or friend is in the dementia journey, you may need to adapt activities in order to help them be successful at it (and improve their enjoyment). Think about things that he or she enjoyed doing in the past and look for ways to tweak activities. For example, if you enjoyed going to live music performances together, choose to watch recordings of live concerts on TV to get the experience without the crowds). Whatever it is your loved one or friend can do and enjoys doing, you want to provide avenues for them to continue to do things. Doing activities he or she enjoys and being successful at them helps your friend or loved one feel valued, worthwhile and self-empowered.

 

5. Remember to laugh.

Humor is a great tool for just about any situation. At first, it can feel awkward for friends and loved ones to laugh about something funny or a silly situation. However, if you remember to laugh with or about something – and not at your friend or loved one – these funny moments can be a great opportunity to bond. You can easily get the laughter rolling by watching a funny TV show or movie, by telling jokes or laughing at something ridiculous you did. Humor can be found just about anywhere!

 

6. Reminisce together.

A great way to nurture relationships is to provide opportunities for reminiscing. This is especially fulfilling if the person has been in your life for any years. Bring out old scrapbooks and pictures, videos and mementos of times past. These can spark great conversations and opportunities for sharing memories. You can start by telling your own memories of the event, or simply observing what you’re seeing in the pictures. Even if your loved one or friend can’t remember specific memories, that’s okay – simply sitting and sharing your own stories will provide room for bonding and conversation.

 

7. Remember that silence can be golden.

As the disease progresses, your loved one or friend will be able to do less and less. It may become increasingly difficult to communicate with them. Remember that you don’t necessarily have to “do” anything or say anything to make an exchange meaningful. Simply sitting together is okay. There is so much that can be expressed by a caring touch or the simple act of enjoying nearness. As abilities wane, we find our relationships being distilled to their very core, stripping away the extras and leaving us with what’s most important: love and caring.

 

Expert, Life-Enriching Memory Care

Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community promotes a wellness-focused lifestyle that emphasizes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized, ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents.

 

Inspiring Programs for All Stages

Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide personalized attention and programming for residents in every stage of memory loss.

 

Purposefully Designed Community

Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel at home.

Bridges® by EPOCH is New England’s largest stand-alone memory care assisted living provider.

 

Contact us today to learn more.

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