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The Importance of Setting Healthy Caregiving Boundaries

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

If you’re a family caregiver, especially for a loved one with dementia, you already know that it’s a time-consuming and often stressful job. Yes, it can be very fulfilling and rewarding, but it’s also a situation where you can easily stretch yourself too thin and burn out. This leads to a lot of problems for both you and your loved one, including a variety of physical, mental and emotional issues.

“Setting healthy boundaries are essential for caregivers in order to help preserve their health, well-being and sanity,” says Reshma Nair, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover, a memory care assisted living community in Andover, MA. “It is impossible for one single caregiver to handle all the physical, emotional, financial and other demands that are required to care for someone with a cognitive impairment. Healthy boundaries will allow you to narrow your focus, put your energies towards the tasks you know that you can do best and hand off everything else with minimal levels of stress and guilt.”

Reshma says that today’s caregivers have more stress and juggle more responsibilities than any other previous generations. “It would be wonderful if you were a superhuman and could accomplish everything easily, but that’s simply not the case,” she says. “But understanding your limits and setting boundaries will help you be a better caregiver and healthier individual.”

 

Tips for Setting Caregiving Boundaries

 

Be realistic about what you can accomplish.

Most of us tend to think we can take on a lot more than we actually can. While doing everything at first is possible – for a short time – it quickly becomes untenable, leaving a caregiver frustrated, angry, guilty and exhausted. Take a hard look at your responsibilities and what you can actually accomplish. This is not the time to be a martyr. For example, if you have small children, you will have to care for them as well as for your loved one with dementia – so how will you balance that? What about your job, if you work? Understand that you can’t do everything, and that’s okay. Make a list of the things that are absolutely necessary to accomplish, as well as what you can hand off to other people (or let fall to the side entirely).

 

Have realistic expectations for your loved one.

We all want to imagine that our loved ones will be grateful and happy for the help you provide as a caregiver. But reality can be a different story. Your loved one will have days where he or she is cranky, depressed, reclusive and difficult. They may snipe at you and treat you poorly instead of thanking you for all the help you’re giving them. And, sadly, no matter how much help you provide, your loved one with dementia will never get “better.” Expect this and prepare yourself. Remember that your loved one’s disease is what’s causing them to react in this way. It’s in no way a reflection on how you’re performing as a caregiver. Give your loved one – and yourself – grace.

 

Say “no” when you need to.

Saying “no” is hard to do, especially when you are a caregiver who wants to help. But it’s something you have to get good at. Your loved one may want to do something that’s unsafe or unreasonable. Or other people in your life may have unrealistic expectations about what you can or should be doing. Your job as a caregiver is to provide your loved one with the best care possible, and that often means saying “no” to things that aren’t necessary, too much work or anything that would result in poor health for you or your loved one.

 

Ask for help.

The flip side of saying “no” is being able to say, “I need help.” Sometimes asking for help is even harder than saying no. But as we’ve mentioned several times: you can’t do everything yourself. After you’ve been realistic about what you can and can’t accomplish yourself, look for places where you can ask others to help you. One good tip is to have a list of tasks that you can easily ask others for help with (for when someone asks, “how can I help you out?”). They can be anything from little to big requests. Perhaps your neighbor can pick up some groceries for you when she does her weekly run, or your sister can watch your mom one night a week so you can run errands or do something else you need to do. You may be surprised at how willing and ready people are to help you, but they’ve just been waiting for you to ask.

 

Remember to care for yourself.

We don’t often think of “self-care” as a healthy boundary, but it is an essential part of maintaining your health and well-being. Make time every day to do something good for yourself. Eat a healthy diet, get enough exercise, practice healthy sleep habits and find time to do things you enjoy. Taking care of yourself means that you will feel better emotionally, mentally and physically. In a sense, it’s making sure your batteries stay charged so that you’re able to do everything you can to be a good caregiver for your loved one.

 

Maintain boundaries in your other relationships.

You’re a caregiver, yes – but you’re also a spouse, parent, friend and co-worker. Just as it’s important to set healthy boundaries for your caregiving role, it’s equally important for you to do the same for your family and personal relationships. Setting clear expectations and boundaries in your other relationships will help reduce stress for you and the other people in your life. You’ll be amazed at the clarity that comes when everyone knows exactly what you can and can’t do. Communication is key, and having those lines open will help you keep your relationships strong and healthy without you having to burn your candle at both ends.

 

Research respite services.

Being a family caregiver is often a 24/7 job, which ramps up the possibility of burnout. This is where respite services can help. Services like adult day care, home health aides or even short-term stays at a memory care assisted living community can provide you with a much-needed break and can actually be very beneficial to your loved one with dementia. That’s because respite services use professionals who are trained in the latest dementia care techniques, and your loved one gets to benefit from social interaction with someone other than yourself.

 

Setting boundaries can take time and cause some hard conversations at first. Nonetheless, by understanding your limits and sticking to them, you’ll become a happier, healthier and more efficient caregiver, meaning that your loved one will be happier, healthier and more fulfilled, too.

 

Exceptional Care. Engaging Lifestyle.

Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover provides specialized memory care in an assisted living  environment that is comfortable, positive and welcoming. Built solely to care for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover creates a wellness-focused, engaging lifestyle that respects individual preferences, focuses on residents’ abilities and creates meaning in daily life.

 

Dedicated Memory Care.

Through every stage of memory loss, residents and their families have complete peace of mind. Our compassionate dementia care and unique programs are tailored to meet the physical, cognitive and emotional needs of each resident wherever they are on their own journey, allowing them to age in place safely, comfortably and with dignity.

 

Supportive, Purpose-Built Design.

Featuring a stunning residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover is much more than a beautiful place to live; it’s a community where residents’ lives are enriched and families enjoy meaningful moments together. Our research-based design features soft colors and lighting, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life-enrichment stations that empower residents to explore their homes with confidence.

Bridges® by EPOCH is New England’s largest stand-alone memory care assisted living provider.

 

Contact us today to learn more.

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