Being a caregiver is a selfless act. It’s also an act that brings exhaustion, being overwhelmed and losing a sense of identity. Most caregivers are family members, meaning they are unpaid – and also untrained.
“There’s no real way to understand the depth and breadth of what being a caregiver means until you experience it for yourself,” says Michelle Pelham, Executive Director at Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua, a Memory Care Assisted Living community in Nashua, NH. “It can quickly become overwhelming, and even if you’re an experienced caregiver, you can find yourself becoming drained and exhausted unless you take steps to protect yourself.”
Protecting yourself, Michelle says, means making an internal promise to remain true to your ideals, intentions and motives. That promise also includes caring for yourself in every way possible, because the only way to be a good caregiver is to care for you first.
“A caregiver manifesto is an excellent way for caregivers to state their intentions and hold themselves accountable to carrying them out,” Michelle says. “Having specific directives that you can name and follow gives you great power as an individual. By focusing on tenants dedicated to helping you a happy and healthy caregiver, you’ll improve your quality of life – and the quality of life for your loved one.”
What is a manifesto? Simply put, it is a written declaration of the views, motives or intentions of the individual. While manifestos originated as political statements, they have evolved to become almost like mantras and personal affirmations for individuals.
There is no one individual “caregiver manifesto” because it should be personal to each person and reflect their own beliefs and intentions for their role. However, it’s a good idea to think about your manifesto seriously and do some Googling to see what statements resonate true for you. Here are some phrases to consider as you put together your personal caregiver manifesto to help guide you in your journey with your loved one.
“I will care for myself first.”
A caregiver manifesto is about you – the individual. This may seem selfish at first, since, after all, you’re dedicated to caring for your loved one. But as we mentioned previously, you must care for yourself first in order to provide the best possible care to someone else. Stating that you will care for yourself means you’ll strive to eat right, get exercise, visit the doctor, rest and get a good night’s sleep. It means you will listen to your body and treat yourself with the same care and compassion that you give your loved one.
“I will find joy – and humor – in the little moments.”
There’s a reason the saying “laughter is the best medicine” is embroidered on pillows ‘round the world. Humor is necessary in our lives, as is joy. Just because you’re a caregiver doesn’t mean that everything is serious and gloomy. In fact, caregivers and their charges need that joy and humor just as much, if not more, than everyone else. Take time each day to search for beauty and laughter. Whether you’re laughing with your loved one over something silly you did, or watching a cat video or simply relishing the moment, appreciate the little moments and cherish the joy and humor that come with them.
“I will preserve the relationship with my loved one.”
One of the biggest things that caregivers grieve – whether consciously or unconsciously – is the loss of their relationship with their loved one. The role of a caregiver becomes so large that it can push your original relationship of spouse, child or friend to the back burner. That’s why it’s so important to carve out intentional time and actions in order to nurture that original relationship. Doing so will bring joy to you and your loved one, and can even make your bond stronger. Knowing who you are to each other is an important part of your identities, so honor that and make time for it.
“I will know my limits.”
No one can do it all, that’s for sure. But for some reason, caregivers seem to think they can or should do it all. Yes, you’re a hero, but you’re also human. Professional caregivers take breaks and ask for help. So why shouldn’t you? Understanding and accepting that you can’t do it all can actually be very freeing. This goes back to listening to your body and that promise you made to care for yourself. Realize what you can and can’t do, and when you need to ask for help. Learn how to say no (to yourself and others) in order to free yourself to do the things you need and want to do. Having limits will make you a happier and healthier caregiver.
“I will be confident and know the value of the care I provide.”
We are our own worst critics, and many caregivers are familiar with the little voice in the back of our heads that whisper “you’re not doing enough” or “you’re a bad caregiver.” Isn’t it interesting that we so often say these horrible words to ourselves, yet we would never think them of someone else doing the same thing? Making a promise to know the value of the care you provide is significant. It means not just others will appreciate what you do. You will, as well. Understand what you’re sacrificing and what you’re giving, and be confident and proud of that.
A caregiver manifesto can be as long or as short as you want. The only rule when it comes to writing one is that it rings true to you and your values. By setting your intentions down on paper, you’ll be better able to stick them and emerge as the happiest, healthiest and most joyful caregiver possible.
A Fulfilling Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua provides expert memory care within an assisted living environment that is comfortable, positive and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community offers a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity, independence and fulfilment in daily life.
Dedicated Memory Care
Our programs, care and services are all designed to celebrate our residents’ lives and support each resident’s individual strengths and abilities. No matter what stage of memory loss a resident may be experiencing, our memory care professionals work to maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents every day.
Stunning, Purpose-Built Design
Featuring a stunning, purposeful design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua is so much more than a beautiful place to live . . . It’s a community focused on enriching the lives of our residents and helping their families enjoy meaningful relationships with them. Our evidence-based design features, including soft paint colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations, provide a soothing and easy-to-navigate environment.