The negative aspects of caregiving – especially caring for a loved one with dementia – receive a lot of attention. But what about the positives of the situation?
“Yes, it’s true – there are definite positives when it comes to caring for a loved one with dementia,” says Chrissy Ross, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee. “The dementia journey is a complex one, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that the emotions associated with it can be complex and multifaceted. It speaks to the resiliency and depth of human understanding that we’re able to find joy and happiness in this journey.”
A 2009 study found that caregivers who focus on the positives of their role experience better health, less burden, better relationships and greater support than their counterparts. Not only that, but focusing on the positives results in better outcomes for both the caregiver and the one being cared for.
“As with many aspects of life, there are times of sadness and stress, but there are also moments of great joy,” says Chrissy. “That’s what we choose to focus on and celebrate at Bridges by EPOCH at Mashpee. Our care team focuses on making the best possible life for our residents and their family members. We know that this journey is one that includes many people, and we are here to help in every possible way.”
Finding the Positives
We all know about “red car syndrome” (officially known as the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon or confirmation bias). It’s the phenomenon that happens after, say, you’ve bought a red car – all of a sudden, you see red cars everywhere. Stanford linguistics professor Arnold Zwicky notes that this is caused by two psychological processes: selective attention (which kicks in when you’re struck by something new; after that, you unconsciously keep an eye out for it and thus find it surprisingly often) and confirmation bias (which is our subconscious reassuring you that every sighting of said thing is proof that the item has gained “overnight omnipresence”).
In other words, if you’re looking for something – whether consciously or subconsciously – you’ll find it. It’s why when we have a negative outlook on life or a situation, all you see are negatives. By contrast, if you begin looking for the positives in any situation, you’ll train your brain to search for, recognize and celebrate the positives. And isn’t that a better way to live for all of us?
Here are just a few ways that dementia caregiving can be positive to both you and your loved one. By training yourself to look for these, you’ll be more able to recognize them when they happen – and the happier you and your loved one will be.
Find humor in the situation. Funny situations happen all the time in life, and that doesn’t stop when your loved one has dementia. When something silly or ridiculous happens, it’s okay to laugh. In fact, it’s encouraged! Laughter is a bonding experience for both you and your loved one. The important thing is to remember to laugh with – never at.
Strengthen your relationship. Many caregivers say that their relationship with their loved one has deepened and become stronger, especially when dementia is diagnosed in the early stages. By knowing what is ahead, it gives caregivers (and their loved ones) the chance to make meaningful memories and celebrate the time together – something that carries on throughout the rest of the caregiver journey.
Joy comes in the little things. Being a caregiver can help you to see the happiness in the little things, whether that’s watching birds at the birdfeeder with your loved one, enjoying a cup of coffee or watching a funny movie together. Being a dementia caregiver gives you the opportunity to be “in the moment” with your loved one and enjoy the present.
Stories of Caregiver Joy
It’s easy to say “find the joy” as a caregiver to a loved one with dementia. We also know that it can be hard to do, sometimes. So we’ve searched the internet and discovered first-hand accounts of caregivers who have found the positive moments of caregiving. We hope you enjoy them.
Celebrating the moments of recognition.
“After a visit, my father and I rose to go our separate ways. As he strolled down the hall in the nursing home, I almost reached the lobby doors when I heard my name. Clearer than anything I had heard from my father for a long time, he asked, ‘Brenda, did you take care of the papers?’ Shocked, I was flying so high, I needed to peel myself off the ceiling! He remembered me. He called me by name!” – Brenda Avadian, MA
Finding unexpected humor.
“Don is an easygoing person with a quiet demeanor. When he said or did anything out of the ordinary, I had a hard time with it at first, but I knew I had to accept his condition. As the Alzheimer’s progressed, Don would do really odd and funny things. He had been getting up at night and wouldn’t come back to bed. One predawn morning at about 3:00 a.m., he decided to get up. I was so tired of getting up with him each time, I stayed in bed and begged him, ‘Don, please come back to bed.’ He was reluctant, yet as he crawled back into bed, he replied, ‘I don’t think my wife would appreciate me going to bed with you!’” – Marion Riley
Happiness is everywhere, if you look for it.
“Notice the inherent joy in every day. Make an effort to be mindful of the joy that you might be missing when your mind is racing and your tension rages. The memory of Mom’s smile as I tucked her in bed every night will forever bring me joy. The small victories like Dad brushing his teeth by himself. The ‘Thank you, sweets’ from Dad when I adjust his pillow. Dad tapping his toes under the blanket as he listens to music. Don’t miss a precious subtle moment.” – Amy Goyer
Peace of Mind for Cape Cod Seniors and Their Families
Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community creates a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity, respects individual preferences and makes a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Dedicated Memory Care
Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee offers compassionate dementia care and unique programs that are tailored to meet the physical, cognitive and emotional needs of each resident – throughout every stage of disease progression. Residents can age in place comfortably and with dignity, while families gain peace of mind.
Supportive, Engaging Services
At Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee, we offer a program of care and services that celebrates life and supports individual strengths. Our compassionate and engaging approach adapts to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment.
Contact us today to learn more.