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Common Caregiver Frustrations and How to Manage Them

Friday, November 20, 2020

Frustration is an emotion that is a common companion to caregivers. Caring for a loved one with dementia or another form of cognitive decline can be challenging, overwhelming and – as previously mentioned – frustrating.

“Irritation and frustration happen to the best of us, and those are valid and normal emotional responses to the difficulties of being an everyday caregiver,” says Devon Sicard, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke, a Memory Care Assisted Living community in Pembroke, MA. “However, extreme frustration is no good for either you or your loved one. Frustration heightens stress, which can negatively impact your health in many ways. It’s not a good emotion to feel long-term, meaning it’s important to find ways to cope and manage frustrations in order to help you and your loved one live a better quality of life.”

Understanding What You Can and Can’t Change

All of us have different triggers that cause frustration. While there are some things that are within your power to change, there are many others that are not. Caregivers to someone with dementia often face uncontrollable situations, such as having their loved one get easily upset, or ask the same questions over and over. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to change these hard-and-fast realities. However, you can change your response to those situations.

“Even though it may not seem like it, you always have a choice when it comes to responding to a situation,” says Devon. “That’s why it’s so important to understand what is an unchangeable situation and what is something you can improve. If it’s something that you can change, by all means – find ways to change it for the better. If it’s not, recognize it and think about how you can react in a more beneficial and positive way instead of feeding your frustration.”

Common Caregiving Frustrations

Constantly having to do everything. Depending on how far your loved one’s dementia has progressed, you may have to do pretty much everything for him or her. Bathing, dressing, grooming, feeding, mobility … the list goes on and on. It can feel like you have to do everything for them – and in a sense, that’s true. You may be frustrated that you can’t complete another task that you need to do because your loved one always needs something.

Feeling alone. Caregiving is a lonely, isolating experience, especially in the later stages of dementia. As your loved one’s abilities decline, you end up spending more and more time at home, and less time bonding with others and doing the things you love. Not only do you feel alone in the sense that you’re lonely, but you may also feel like you’re the only one who cares about your loved one – and you’re the only person helping them, because others aren’t pulling their weight or helping as much.

Not feeling well. This is a pretty blanket statement for a wide variety of issues: not getting enough sleep, not eating right, not getting enough exercise … all these bad habits can pile up and make you feel less than great. Unfortunately, it’s a vicious cycle – the worse we feel, the more we fall into bad habits and routines, and it can be hard to shake yourself out of them.

Dealing with “the system.” Is there anything more frustrating and time-consuming than dealing with doctors, insurance and other bureaucrats? Besides physically caring for their loved one, caregivers also have to manage benefits, insurance claims, doctor’s appointments, prescriptions and other external forces that are designed to help your loved one … but can end up being a real headache.

Feeling “not good enough.” No one is harder on a caregiver than the caregiver themselves. A lot of frustration can come when things don’t go your way, or you feel like you’re not doing enough. This can lead to frustration, alongside its cousins stress and anger.

How to Manage Frustration

Know the warning signs. In order to control frustration, you need to know how it physically and emotionally manifests. If you recognize it as it’s happening, you can halt the process and adjust your mood before things get out of control. Some warning signs of frustration can include knots in the throat, stomach cramps, shortness of breath, headache, eating/drinking/smoking too much, lack of patience or a short fuse. If you notice a combination of these signs, that’s a sign to stop and slow down.

Purposefully calm yourself down. Once you recognize the signs of frustration, you can acknowledge them and change the course of your thoughts and actions. There are many ways to do this, from counting down from ten slowly, taking several deep breaths or even stopping and removing yourself by going to another room for a few minutes. All of these actions act as a “full stop” to the frustration spiral and give you a moment to choose to ratchet it back. This can be very difficult to do at first, so many experts suggest practicing mindfulness and relaxation on a regular basis to help you know what it feels like and to give you the tools you need to succeed.

Take time for you each and every day. Caregiving is a never-ending task, and although you may feel guilty about “taking time off” for yourself, remember that it is necessary – absolutely necessary. Everyone deserves breaks from work, especially caregivers. Spend 30 minutes each morning reading a book or taking a walk around the block. Take a long bath or enjoy a lunch out with a friend. If you feel like you simply can’t get away, know that there are resources available. Respite can be provided by friends, family members, in-home help, adult day care centers and other resources. The point is to ask for help and not be a martyr – you can’t do this alone, and no one expects you to.

Care for your physical health. Although it may seem like just another task on your to-do list, it’s important to get enough exercise, eat well, get enough sleep and go to doctor’s appointments on a regular basis. You can’t provide good care to your loved one if you’re not feeling good yourself, so make yourself and your health a priority.

Ask for help and support. It’s important to know and feel like you’re not alone. Find a place where you can share and voice your thoughts, frustrations and concerns. This can be an online or in-person support group, or simply the ear of a close, caring friend. Being able to voice your concerns allows you to feel less alone, and can also provide you with support and assistance from others who have been in the same position as you.

Expert, Life-Enriching Memory Care

Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community promotes a wellness-focused lifestyle that emphasizes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized, ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents.

Inspiring Programs for All Stages

Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide personalized attention and programming for residents in every stage of memory loss.

Purposefully Designed Community

Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel at home.

Contact us today to learn more.

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