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How to Stay Connected to a Friend with Dementia

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Friends are some of the greatest gifts we have in life. They laugh, cry and grow with us. They lift us up and provide a shoulder to cry on when times are tough. But what happens to this special bond when a friend is diagnosed with dementia?

“Friends and family play an important role in the health and well-being of seniors with dementia, and staying connected in ways that are meaningful is priceless,” says Addie Ricci, Executive Director at Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk, located in Norwalk, CT. “Still, it can be hard for friends to know what to do or say, especially as their friend continues further along their dementia journey.”

Even though the disease will change your friend’s abilities, it won’t change who they are as a person, Addie says. “Remember that the essential person – that spark that connected you in the first place – still remains. That doesn’t mean you have to pretend that nothing has changed, but it shouldn’t change the core aspect of your friendship.”

In a previous blog, “Memory Loss and Friendship: When Your Friend Has Dementia,” we discussed some pointers on how to be present for a friend with dementia. Here, we’ll go into more detail about some of the best things you can do to support your friend during their journey.

 

1. Stay connected. It’s a common occurrence for friends and even family members to pull away from people when they’ve been diagnosed with a life-changing illness such as dementia. Unfortunately, this is the time when the individual needs support, friendship and understanding the most. Although you may not know what to do or say, continue to stay in touch with your friend and let them know you’re there. Let your friend take the lead on how and when to talk about what’s happening. At the same time, take the initiative to reach out, whether it’s with a text, phone call, email or even cards in the mail.

 

2. Find ways to help. Dementia is a progressive disease that causes an individual to lose abilities slowly over time. Eventually, your friend will have difficulty driving, cooking or performing complex tasks, and will require a live-in caregiver or 24/7 care in a memory care facility. Oftentimes, family members serve as caregivers while also juggling other personal responsibilities. Offer to provide some respite and help for your friend and caregiver on a regular basis. This could be going grocery shopping, bringing over a home-cooked meal, driving to doctor’s appointments or simply spending time with your friend in order to give a caregiver a break.

 

3. Avoid correcting. Particularly in the early to mid-stages of dementia, individuals have difficulty recalling information and may end up misremembering or misinterpreting things from the past. They may call an item by a different name or completely make up an event that didn’t happen. Unless the situation would affect your friend’s health or safety, just go with the flow – it’s not worth it to make them upset.

 

4. Be judicious when using questions. Sometimes even asking a question like “what did you do today” can be too much for an individual with dementia. Instead, you will more than likely need to take the lead in the conversation, telling them about your day or things happening in your life. Individuals with dementia live in the here and now, so focus on the present instead of asking about the past.

 

5. Plan activities. Doing activities together is an excellent way to build rapport and even make things feel “normal” for a time, especially in the early stages of the disease. You may need to consider ways that you can simplify the things you always enjoyed doing in order for the best experience possible. Tap into their favorite hobbies or activities from their younger days.

 

6. Listen. This may seem counterintuitive, especially after we said, “don’t ask a lot of questions.” But listening is more than just listening for words and phrases. This simply means being aware of your friend’s emotions and feelings. A touch on the hand, a pat on the back or a hug can express things that words never could.

 

7. Be yourself. Be relaxed and don’t force yourself to be jovial and cheerful (unless, of course, that’s how you feel). Again, this isn’t “pretending” that everything is as it was; it simply means respecting your friend and your relationship and acting as you always have. If you’re a jokester, go ahead and make jokes as you always did. You shouldn’t act differently just because your friend has a disease.

 

8. Laugh. Dementia is no laughing matter, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find humor in everyday situations. As long as you’re laughing at a situation or an event and not at the person, humor can be a wonderful tool to bond with your friend. Watch funny videos together, or make observations on something funny that occurs in everyday life. Laughter really can be the best medicine.

 

9. Be okay with silence. As your friend progresses through the memory loss journey, conversation will become more and more difficult. Although many of us are uncomfortable with silence, realize that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Just sitting on the porch, quietly enjoying the breeze or watching the birds can be a beautiful experience you can share together.

 

10. Be kind to yourself. There may be times when a visit with your friend leaves you feeling sad or upset. Understand that these reactions are normal, and that it’s okay to feel the way you do. In a sense, you are slowly grieving a loss. Find someone to confide in and express your feelings, whether that’s a spouse, other friend or professional. Coming to terms with what you’re feeling will allow you to be the very best and present friend possible.

 

Expert, Life-Enriching Memory Care

Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community promotes a wellness-focused lifestyle that emphasizes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized, ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents.

 

 Inspiring Programs for All Stages

Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide personalized attention and programming for residents in every stage of memory loss.

 

 Purposeful Community Design

Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel at home.

 

 Contact us today to learn more. 

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