“Let me know how I can help,” is a phrase that is often said to caregivers. Obviously, it comes from a place of compassion and kindness – but even the idea of thinking of something for someone to help them with can be too much work for a stressed out, stretched-thin caregiver. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer and show support, says Trish McKay, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Trumbull, a memory care assisted living community in Trumbull, CT.
“The last thing I want people to feel is that they can’t offer help and support to caregivers in their lives simply because they don’t know what to do or say,” she says. “Caregivers do need support, especially right now, but they often don’t know exactly what they want or need. It’s a stressful situation all around.”
If you have a caregiver in your life, here are some ways you can help show support, appreciation and assistance in ways that are truly meaningful.
Check in. Caregivers can often feel cut off, socially, as they have to say “no” to gatherings, parties or even lunch dates. It’s not uncommon for friends and family to stop inviting caregivers to events, not because they don’t want them there, but because they don’t want them to feel bad about saying “no.” This can lead to a very lonely caregiver, which leads to very real physical and health issues. One of the very best things you can do to show support is to reach out, whether through a text, phone call or even a handwritten letter. Just knowing you’re thinking of them can lift a caregiver’s spirits in countless ways.
Listen. Too many caregivers will give a glib “I’m fine” if they’re asked how they’re doing. Most people, hearing that, don’t want to push. And many caregivers may not feel comfortable sharing the nitty gritty of their experience because they don’t want to feel like they’re complaining. It can be awkward to push, but depending on your relationship with the caregiver, let them know that you’re there – really there – if they need someone to talk to. You could lead the conversation by saying, “I know of others who have had a difficult time caregiving and need someone to talk to. Please let me know if you ever want to talk or meet up in person. I’m here for you.” Your caregiver may not respond at first, but knowing that you’re there means they are more likely to turn to you when and if they’re ready to talk.
Be specific with assistance. Instead of asking “how can I help?” think of concrete ways that you can provide assistance on a one-time or a regular basis. For example, if you’re running to the store for essentials, ask your friend: “Is there anything I can pick up for you while I’m at the grocery store?” Or offer to sit with their senior loved one for a few hours once a week while the caregiver runs errands, takes a nap or visits a support group (or anything else). The possibilities are endless: offering to mow the lawn, clean the bathrooms, bring over dinner once a week … think about your own skills and what might be most needed by the caregiver.
Give the gift of self-care. Most caregivers are so wrapped up in caring for another’s needs that they don’t have time to care for themselves. Giving them the gift of time – that is, the time for them to attend to their needs – is one of the kindest things you can do as a friend or family member. Offer to watch their loved one for the weekend so the caregiver can take a mini-break. Or buy them something nice, like a massage or manicure. Anything you can do to help the caregiver care for him or herself is greatly appreciated (but be sure to ask beforehand as to what would be most beneficial).
Help put together a list of needs. Hands-on help is often the greatest need for caregivers. They may have ideas of specific tasks that could take a lot off their plate, oftentimes things that are very different than non-caregivers would come up with. Consider spending a half-hour or so with your caregiver to come up with a list of very specific needs and tasks that would be helpful to him or her. Allow your caregiver to define what “help” looks like – follow their lead, and you’ll be most successful. They’ll receive the help they need, and you’ll feel good about knowing that the help you’re providing is actually help that’s needed.
Research on their behalf. There are many resources available for family caregivers, but finding those resources takes a lot of time and bandwidth – something that most caregivers don’t have. Offer to help research services and organizations in your area that provide assistance that could help your caregiver. The best place to start, of course, is the Internet – you should quickly be able to find transportation organizations, local senior centers and other great nonprofits that provide assistance and guidance to those in need.
Use your words. Everyone likes to feel appreciated. Caregivers, especially, need to know that the work they do is important and valued by those around them. Saying “you’re doing a fantastic job and you’re appreciated so much” doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but it can mean the world to a stressed-out caregiver who may be second-guessing him or herself each and every day. Sometimes it can be hard to say these words in person, so consider writing a letter or sending a card that your caregiver can read again and again when they’re in need of a lift. Give specific examples of things that you’ve noticed that you appreciate – details can turn a generic compliment into a one-of-a-kind thought that touches hearts.
“Just as every person’s dementia journey is unique, so is every caregiver’s journey,” says Trish. “There’s no boilerplate for being a good friend or family member, but these tips can give you a place to start from to find ways to show support and assist the caregiver in your life. Although your caregiver may seem resistant at first, or not want to bother you with accepting for help, keep asking and being sincere about it. Providing your support and showing your appreciation are, really, the greatest gifts you can give at this time.”
Dedicated Memory Care
Bridges® by EPOCH at Trumbull delivers highly specialized memory care assisted living for those with Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. Our resident-centered approach focuses on providing dignity, purpose and moments of joy in daily life for those in all stages of the disease. We offer a wellness-focused lifestyle that centers around a resident’s current skills and abilities, not those that have been lost to dementia.
Life-Enriching Programs
Our team members take an active role in getting to know each resident on a personal level to deliver programming that is meaningful to them. We account for the preferences, interests, needs and abilities of our residents to connect with them and encourage their involvement in daily life and boost self-esteem.
Warm, Residential Atmosphere
Featuring a stunning residential design, every inch of our community has been designed to benefit those with memory loss. Attributes such as soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel comfortable, safe and at home.
Contact us today to learn more.