Staying positive in the face of difficult times is a skill that caregivers understand the importance of all too well. While putting on a happy face and staying chipper can sometimes feel natural and easy, there are times when the rigors of caregiving, plus the everyday stresses of life, can become overwhelming.
“During a difficult time, like the death of a family member, a job loss or a worldwide pandemic, it’s easy to get scared, frustrated, angry or worried,” says Lori Luzzo, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke, a memory care assisted living community in Pembroke, MA. “It’s important to feel those emotions and recognize them for what they are, but dwelling on them can wreak havoc on your health and the health of your loved ones.”
The foundation of maintaining a positive attitude, says Lori, comes from being realistic about what you can and can’t control. “We often quote the Serenity Prayer as a philosophy for how caregivers – and everyone else – can find inner peace, accept their shortcomings and move forward in a positive light,” she says. “By accepting the fact that you are only human, you give yourself grace and permission to tackle the things that you can control, and let go of the other impossibilities.”
Here’s just a short list of things you can’t control as a caregiver: the economy, global situations, your loved one’s health, the course of your loved one’s disease, what may happen in the future and so on.
But here’s what you can control: your response to the situations, your attitude, the way you deal with others, what you do each day, what you can shoulder and what you cannot … the list of what you can control can actually become quite long, when you think about it.
“Remaining positive doesn’t mean being a Pollyanna and pretending that everything is okay,” says Lori. “Rather, it’s accepting the entirety of the situation, warts and all, and moving forward with understanding and a realistic view.”
Accept your imperfection.
Caregivers, especially, seem to put an impossible burden on their shoulders. Many caregivers struggle with feelings of guilt and the idea that “I’m not doing enough.” These emotions can weigh you down and have serious impacts on your mental and physical health. Instead, accept that you are only human and can only do so much. Remind yourself of the things you do well each and every day. “One trick is to ask yourself; how would I feel if someone said these things about someone I love?” says Lori. “This may be enough to help you stop those abusive thoughts in their tracks and allow you to reframe the way you think.”
Own your feelings and emotions.
It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling: anger, sorrow, fear, resentment. Instead of pushing those thoughts down, allow yourself to feel them and work through them in a healthy way. You may wish to seek the ear of a good friend or counselor if you feel like you can’t work through the emotions on your own.
Make time for yourself.
You are more than just a caregiver. You are a spouse, a child, a friend and an individual, and you need to care for all facets of yourself. In fact, you simply need to care for yourself! Running yourself ragged or putting your needs to the side can lead to frustration and caregiver burnout. Listen to your body, and when it’s telling you that it needs exercise or food or medical attention or rest or anything else, take the time to do that. Do something nice for yourself every day, whether that’s reading a few chapters of a book in the evening, making time to call your best friend over lunch, enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning, or taking a relaxing bath … give yourself permission to relax for a minute, and you will feel your stress and anxiousness melt away.
Stay connected (without becoming overwhelmed).
These days, staying connected to the outside world can be stressful, given the nature of social media. But it’s important to stay somewhat linked to the outside world, so simply narrow your focus and remain connected with your close friends and family members. Reach out one-on-one instead of staying glued to Facebook or Instagram. Text, call or video chat with people on a regular basis. Have a standing lunch date with your sister. Anything that gets you out of the house and out of your regular routine – and connecting with the people you care about – is a good thing.
Focus on the now.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed and despondent if we focus on “what if” and “what needs to happen next.” Instead, when you feel your mind spinning out into the future, take a breath and refocus your thoughts on the here and now. Think about only what you have to do in the next moment. Or, best of all, don’t think at all. Mindful thinking and the practice of “being present” have shown to help reduce stress and improve mood practically instantly. You may wish to consider taking five minutes a day to meditate, clear your mind and focus solely on the present, giving your mind a break from the hamster wheel of negative thoughts that you may currently be running.
Ask for help.
If you find yourself becoming too overwhelmed or unable to break yourself from negative thoughts, ask for help. On a very tactical level, ask friends and family to help you with specific tasks, like running errands or watching your loved one for an hour while you take a nap or get some exercise. On a higher level, you may wish to look into respite care for your loved one to give you a longer break to recharge and reset.
“At Bridges by EPOCH at Pembroke, we respect and honor the role of the family caregiver,” says Lori. “We are here to provide assistance, advice and support whether or not your loved ones are residents of our community. We provide resources to help you gain peace of mind so you can care for yourself and maintain a positive attitude, no matter how difficult times can get.”
Expert, Life-Enriching Memory Care
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community promotes a wellness-focused lifestyle that emphasizes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized, ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents.
Inspiring Programs for All Stages
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide personalized attention and programming for residents in every stage of memory loss.
Purposefully Designed Community
Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel at home.
Contact us today to learn more.