If you’re a caregiver to someone with dementia, what does your life look like now compared to before? Have you had to give up activities you enjoyed, like spending time with friends, volunteering at your kids’ schools, having lunch with girlfriends or hosting dinners at your house? If you’re like most family caregivers, you may have started to become more isolated than you realized – or would like.
“Isolation often goes hand-in-hand with being a dementia caregiver,” says Devon Sicard, Executive Director of Bridges® at Pembroke, a memory care assisted living community in Pembroke, MA. “It can often feel like no one understands what you’re going through, and because caregiving a full-time job that takes practically all your energy and efforts, it seems more exhausting to get out and talk with others than it is to just stay put.”
It’s estimated that 40–70 percent of family caregivers experience symptoms of depression, which often stem from feelings of loneliness and isolation. This makes sense, since many caregivers are forced to withdraw from activities and enjoyable events in order to care for their loved one.
Even if you have a good support system, says Devon, you may not want to tell them everything because you want to protect them from the harder realities, or because you’re worried about what they may think of you. But this can lead to stress, more feelings of isolation and loneliness and ultimately lead to caregiver burnout. Not only that, but caregivers can eventually start avoiding social events or being in public at all – it can just be too much work.
“Professionals are aware of this dichotomy among caregivers – they need and crave connection with others, but the less they have, the less likely they are able to seek it out,” says Devon. “It’s a vicious cycle that, if left untreated, can result in the caregiver becoming isolated, stressed out and potentially on their way to caregiver burnout.”
One of the best ways for caregivers to avoid isolation, loneliness and burnout is to carve out time in their day to care for themselves. This may at first sound like an impossible or laughable task – after all, how can you expect to have time to care for yourself when all your time is spent caring for your loved one? However, caregivers should think of this as a “put on your mask before helping others” situation.
“Think of the instructions they give you when you’re on an airplane – you should take care of yourself before helping someone else out,” says Devon. “It may seem selfish at first, but it actually will help you be a better caregiver to your loved one. By caring for your needs and taking the time to do things that fulfill and recharge you, you’ll be better able to fully focus on caregiving when you do it. Being a stressed-out, sick or burned-out caregiver will result in substandard care for your loved one … but when you care for yourself, you’ll find you’re a more considerate, caring, effective and happier caregiver.”
Here are some tips for helping accomplish that.
Connect with others.
There’s no doubt about it: everyone needs caring people in their life to support them through difficult times. They say it takes a whole village to raise a child, and it takes a strong, supportive network of friends and family to care for a senior adult. Although it may seem like extra effort on your part, actively reach out to friends and family and seek out opportunities to be together. Being with people you care about helps reduce stress, boost your mood and definitely prevent isolation. Another way to connect with people who understand what you’re going through is to look for caregiver support groups in your area. These groups will put you in contact with other caregivers who can understand your experience, provide tips and advice and be support for you when times are tough.
Find someone you can be honest with.
Casual friendships are great, but it’s the deeper relationships that help us avoid feelings of loneliness and make us feel connected. Is there someone in your life with whom you can be honest and share your feelings – good and bad? This could be a spouse, a best friend, a sibling or even a professional therapist. No matter who this is, you need to find someone in whom you can confide and trust they will be supportive.
Ask for help.
You can’t do this all on your own – and you shouldn’t have to. Remember, even professional caregivers get a break – so you should be able to have one, too. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family members and ask for things you need. It’s perfectly fine to say: “I need to leave the house and do something else on Thursday. Would you be able to watch Dad for the afternoon?” Better yet, create a schedule or a list of tasks that you would accept help with, so that you can easily ask people or tell them what you need if they reach out. By setting up a regular schedule of assistance, you’ll be more refreshed, have something to look forward to and have a regular opportunity to care for yourself.
Look into respite care.
If friends and family aren’t able to or won’t assist with caregiving, it’s okay to look into professional solutions. Respite care can allow a caregiver to focus on themselves without constantly worrying about the safety of their senior. Respite care is available in a variety of different ways. You could consider hiring a caregiver for a few hours a day, or at several points during the week. You may also wish to look into adult day care or senior centers – this could allow you to drop your loved one off and know they will have professional care, entertaining activities and social interaction with others.
Maintain your sense of self.
What activities fill you up? Make you feel renewed? Use the time that you do carve out for yourself to do those things, whether it’s reading a book, taking a hike, practicing yoga or even volunteering for a worthy cause. Staying involved in your own interests will help you feel connected to your sense of self.
Expert, Life-Enriching Memory Care
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community promotes a wellness-focused lifestyle that emphasizes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized, ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents.
Inspiring Programs for All Stages
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide personalized attention and programming for residents in every stage of memory loss.
Purposefully Designed Community
Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel at home.
Contact us today to learn more.