The holidays are a time filled with merriment, family, friends and joy. They hold a special place in our hearts and are something we look forward to year after year. The holidays are also a wonderful opportunity to create special moments – and if you’re caring for a loved one with dementia, it’s a chance to surround them with loved ones and treasured traditions.
“The holiday season and family celebrations are priceless gifts to your loved one with dementia,” says Beth Vellante, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Andover, a memory care assisted living community in Andover, MA. “Many of our most beloved traditions have been a part of our families for years, and it’s very possible that the familiarity will trigger happiness and positive feelings for your senior. The holidays also bring family and friends together, and even if the individual with dementia doesn’t always remember who they are, they can feel the love and compassion being directed their way.”
Plus, says Beth, the holidays can be a gift to you, the caregiver, as well. “Family gatherings mean that there are extra helpers who are available to watch your loved one so you can enjoy your time as well,” she says. “Being with people you love can also provide you with some much-needed comfort, compassion and social interaction.”
The holidays do require coordination and planning on your part in order to keep your loved one from becoming confused, anxious or agitated. After all, the holidays cause interruptions in regular schedules, put seniors in the middle of a lot of hustle and bustle and can cause a lot of extra hassle for you as well. However, says Beth, planning ahead and making thoughtful choices can help you successfully balance caregiving and celebrating. The trick, she says, is to prepare yourself on what to expect and take steps to balance your loved one’s needs alongside the demands of the season.
Here are six tips to help make your holiday season merry and bright for you and your senior loved one with dementia.
1. Manage expectations and know your limits.
Let’s face it – the holidays are a lot of work. There are meals to prepare, halls to deck, gifts to buy and travel to arrange. It’s easy to get wrapped up and stressed out about all these details, which can add even more work to your already-busy schedule. Instead of getting worked up, take a step back and take a breath. Remember that you don’t have to go to every holiday party you’re invited to, and you don’t have to decorate every single room in your house. Pick and choose the traditions that are the most important and vital to you and your loved one. By saying “yes” to only the most important things (and the things you actually want to do), you’ll find that the season becomes a lot less stressful – and a lot more enjoyable.
2. Ask for help.
This is a common refrain that’s sung to caregivers throughout the year, and there’s no better time than the holidays to actually take that good advice. You don’t have to shoulder the burden of doing everything – in fact, there aren’t enough hours in the day to make that happen. Reach out to neighbors, friends and family members to get a little extra assistance when needed. Ask your sister to stay with your mom for a few hours while you go holiday shopping or attend your kid’s holiday concert. If you’re holding a holiday meal, ask family members to contribute – or even have the meal catered in. During gatherings, have a few people who are willing to keep an eye on your loved one so you have a chance to relax and enjoy yourself.
3. Keep a routine as much as possible.
Routine is very important for those with dementia, and completely upending their routine is frustrating and overwhelming. Whenever possible, try to schedule events and gatherings at times when they don’t disrupt your routine and when your loved one is at their best. Maintaining a normal bedtime and regular mealtimes is critical. Disruptions sometimes can’t be helped, so be sure to keep an eye on your loved one and have a plan for if things go awry.
4. Keep gatherings and outings intimate.
Large groups of people can be scary and confusing for seniors with dementia. Although big, loud family gatherings are joyful, they can also be too much for your loved one. Consider adapting traditions so that there are small, intimate gatherings where your loved one can enjoy the company of close family and friends. If you do end up attending a large celebration, plan ahead and make sure there’s a quiet room available for your loved one so they can retire and relax if they start becoming agitated, anxious or overwhelmed.
5. Adapt beloved traditions.
There are many fun activities that take place during the holidays, from baking cookies to decorating the home to attending holiday concerts. These are great opportunities to involve your loved one and help them feel the joy of the season. Think about the traditions that are most important to you and your loved one, and adapt them if necessary to help better meet the needs of the senior with dementia. Here are a few suggestions:
- Bake and decorate cookies. Your loved one can help decorate pre-cut cookies or assist with measuring out ingredients. This is a great activity to do with family members of all ages.
- Play holiday music. Hold a caroling party in your living room (along with opportunities for dancing). If kids in the family are musically inclined, have them put on a short concert. Or you can simply put on a favorite album and sing along or listen quietly.
- Look at the holiday lights. We all know that one house in the neighborhood that puts on a spectacular holiday light extravaganza every year. Load everyone into the car and drive around the area to take in all the lights and displays.
- Reminisce about holidays past. Pull out some old photo albums and flip through photos of holidays long, long ago. Reminiscing is a great way to connect with your loved one and potentially trigger memories from their past.
6. Enjoy the moments.
It’s easy to get ahead of ourselves and not live “in the moment” since there are always so many things to do during the holidays. And it’s possible – and expected – that things won’t always go according to plan. It’s important to remember that the best part of the season (to quote Dr. Seuss) “doesn’t come in a store.” Understand that a picture-perfect holiday isn’t about the stuff, but instead the moments with people you care about. Focus on and celebrate the happy moments that happen whenever and wherever you find them. Be present and be flexible. By enjoying “the moment,” your holiday will be extra meaningful and provide you with memories that you can remember fondly as the year progresses.
Celebrating the holidays with your loved one with dementia will bring both you and them happiness and joy. By enjoying the present while remembering the past, your season will be filled with wonder, happiness and joy.
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