Thanksgiving is a special time of year for us to gather with the people we love to give thanks, spend time together and, of course, enjoy a delicious meal. Many of us have Thanksgiving traditions we look forward to every year. But when a family member has Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia, Thanksgiving can be a source of discomfort and stress.
“Many family get-togethers are joyful, busy – and loud,” says Alicia Seaver, Vice President of Memory Care Operations of Bridges® by EPOCH memory care assisted living communities. “The chaos of so many people, so many conversations and all sorts of hubbub can cause someone with dementia to experience extreme anxiety and confusion. This in turn causes stress for family caregivers, and can cause awkwardness and discomfort for family members who may not know how to react.”
However, with a few modifications, Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be an agonizing experience. With a little planning and preparation, your Thanksgiving gathering can be set up in a way that provides your loved one with dementia the stability and assistance they need, while still being able to get everyone together for a celebration.
“Seeing family members and loved ones is incredibly beneficial to someone with dementia, even if they don’t always remember everyone or know fully what’s going on,” says Alicia. “Plus, there are opportunities to play games, watch favorite movies and even reminisce – all good things to help engage your loved one and let them feel included in all the fun.”
Here are 8 tips for helping make Turkey Day a joyful occasion.
Make a plan of attack. Are you hosting Thanksgiving, or will you be traveling to someone’s house? If you’re going to someone else’s house, talk with the host about your loved one’s needs and how to best make sure he or she is happy and comfortable. If you’ll be hosting the big meal, ask family members for help – resist the urge to do it all yourself. Consider a potluck-style thanksgiving, or even have the meal catered in. Remember, the most important thing about the holiday is spending time together – not necessarily what’s on the table.
Ask for help. Besides asking for help on the hosting or food front, coordinate with a few of your close family members to help you with your loved one. Ask your sister if she can keep an eye on your Mom, too, so that you don’t have to spend your entire time watching her. Having others help monitor your loved one won’t just help ease your burden. It will also give your loved one a chance to interact with someone new who they may have not seen for a while. Even if Mom or Dad doesn’t remember Cousin Mike, they’ll feel the warmth and affection that comes from someone who cares about them.
Designate a quiet room. Thanksgiving gatherings can get pretty loud. Even if you have a small gathering, the multitude of conversations can become overwhelming to someone with dementia. Put together a “quiet room” for your loved one where they can go if they become overwhelmed or if they simply need a chance to rest. If possible, set up a room away from the main area so that they can relax in peace. Play some quiet music, and consider using aromatherapy to create a tranquil environment. You can even set up a small table so Mom and a few family members can eat there instead of the main room (if they wish). Be sure to have some activities (like looking over photo albums) available so that someone can join your loved one in the quiet room and spend some quality time together.
Prepare your family members. For your family who hasn’t seen Mom or Dad in some time, they may be shocked to see his or her state. It’s important to let them know the situation before they arrive at Thanksgiving, and also know how best to interact with him or her. You may also want to have a list of questions available so that visitors have prompts they can use to talk to Mom or Dad. Think of questions that will bring up positive memories, like:
- What’s your favorite Thanksgiving memory?
- How did you celebrate Thanksgiving when you were a kid?
- What’s your favorite Thanksgiving food?
Give your loved one a job. Everyone likes to feel useful, and integrating your loved one into Thanksgiving preparations will help him or her feel connected to everything that’s going on. Have some simple tasks your loved one can do, such as setting the table, fixing a vegetable tray or setting out different dishes. There’s always plenty to do, so don’t be afraid to have him or her help.
Set your loved one up for mealtime success. People with dementia can have difficulty distinguishing between similar colors, or have a hard time with delicate silverware. Use contrasting colors, such as a dark tablecloth and light plates. Minimize the number of things on the table to lessen confusion. Make sure your loved one’s utensils are familiar and easy for them to use.
Encourage family members to share stories about the past. Bring out some old photo albums and place them around the room to encourage conversation. You can also put together some activities that involve sharing favorite Thanksgiving memories. This is a great way for all family members to have special moments with your loved one.
Be flexible. If you’re hosting Thanksgiving, schedule the meal at a time of day that works best for your loved one. If you’re attending the event, remember that your loved one doesn’t have to stay the whole time. If he or she can only handle a few hours, that’s fine. As long as your loved one has the things needed to enjoy the day, and gets a chance to interact with people who care about them, it will be a happy Thanksgiving, indeed.
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Bridges® by EPOCH provides memory care in an assisted living environment that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Built solely to care for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, Bridges® by EPOCH creates a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and respects individual preferences. Our memory care teams receive specialized training that helps them safely support residents’ independence and elevate their self-esteem.
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