You know that visiting your loved one in a memory care community is important for your relationship and their happiness. But while it can be joyful and rewarding, it can also be frustrating, angering or saddening. Maybe your loved one will be having a good day – or maybe you’ll be there at the worst possible time. What do you say to him or her? How do you interact? What should you do or not do to make the visit a positive one?
It’s very common to not know exactly how to act when visiting your loved one in memory care. And while you know on a logical level that the way they’re acting is due to the disease, it can be hurtful if they don’t recognize you or act in a way you’re not used to. Many people may think it’s easier to not visit at all, but visiting your loved one is one of the best gifts you can give them. Remember, you are a link to their past, even if they don’t remember it, and they still feel an emotional and social connection to you, even if they’re unable to articulate that.
The trick is to adjust your expectations of what a visit will entail. Be flexible and remain in the moment. Let your loved one’s abilities, emotions and reactions be your guide during a visit. While there are some things you can do to prepare for your visit, the very best thing you can do is be present, be attentive and show your loved one how much you care for them.
Tips for Visiting a Loved One in Memory Care
1. Start by identifying yourself.
When you begin your visit, call your loved one by name and introduce yourself and your relationship to them. (“Hi, Mom. It’s your oldest daughter, Danielle.”) This can help reduce confusion and disorientation, especially if your loved one is having difficulty recognizing people. Approach the person from the front so they can see you coming, and keep direct eye contact. If possible, introduce yourself at their level.
2. Bring an object they love or that will evoke memories.
Since the “here and now” can be difficult for your loved one to talk about, bring something that is meaningful from their past. This could be a blanket, a photo, a favorite album, a special souvenir from their honeymoon and so on. This can be a good ice breaker because it can spark memories and cause your loved one to speak about the past. It will also give the person a sense of “home” even while they’re in a new environment.
3. Divert and distract instead of arguing or using logic.
If your loved one misremembers something, is having hallucinations or is otherwise in their own “reality,” don’t attempt to correct them. It’s better to go along with what they’re expressing and tell little white lies if the situation calls for it. For example, if your mom is asking where her husband is, but he’s been dead for twenty years, say that he’s running errands and will be back later instead of trying to remind her that he’s passed away. Ask yourself if the truth will hurt more than help. If your loved one is becoming argumentative, confrontational or agitated, however, soothe them, let them know they’re safe and try to divert their attention to another activity.
4. Think about activities you can do together.
Check with your loved one’s memory care community to see what activities are taking place, and consider visiting during a time when you can participate in something fun together. These days, memory care communities have a wide variety of programming, from exercise classes to gardening to art classes and poetry readings and just about everything in between. If a community event doesn’t work out for your timing, consider bringing something you can do together. Choose a book you can read out loud, queue up some favorite movies or TV shows or have a dance party to your loved one’s favorite songs.
5. Take an outing, if possible.
Changing the scenery can be great for your loved one if they’re in a good mood that day. If you’re planning on going outside the community, think of simple things you can do that won’t be overstimulating. You could take a drive into the countryside, for example, or have a picnic lunch in a nearby park. If you’d prefer to stay at the community, you could move out into the courtyard or take a walk around the grounds. Being in a different place, especially if there’s fresh air and things to stimulate the senses, can perk up your loved one and give them a burst of interest and energy.
6. Know that quiet is okay, too.
Sometimes you may not have a lot to talk about, or your loved one isn’t being communicative. That’s okay. Your presence can be enough to let your loved one know they are cared for and loved. Remember that communication comes in all forms. Gentle touches, holding hands, placing a hand on the back – these are all little gestures that speak volumes.
7. Time your visit appropriately.
Ask staff at the memory care community if there is a “best time” to visit your senior loved one. Since the staff is around them on a regular basis, they can give you insight as to when would be a good time to visit and when wouldn’t be. Once you know when to visit, consider how long to visit. Quality time doesn’t have to mean long visits. In fact, shorter visits are probably better to avoid overstimulating or exhausting your senior. Gauge their energy level and react accordingly.
8. Keep visiting throughout the journey.
It’s hard to watch the person you know slip away and disappear as dementia progresses. It’s even harder when they become unable to recognize you or even communicate. But studies have shown that emotional memory remains, even when all other senses fade away. Even if your loved one doesn’t know who you are, they can still recognize their emotions, and will remember those emotions even if they don’t remember what caused it. You can play a huge part in creating happy and comforting emotions for your loved one. Sit with them, visit them, talk to them and reassure them how much they’re loved.
Compassionate Care for All Stages of Memory Loss
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Dedicated Memory Care
The team of compassionate dementia-care experts at Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke delivers 24-hour assistance and inspiring programs that exercise physical and cognitive abilities – all in a supportive, purposefully designed environment. For added peace of mind, we offer simple, all-inclusive pricing options that help make the process a little easier for families.
Community Amenities
Characterized by a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with memory loss need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a peaceful and secure environment where residents feel at home.
Contact us today to learn more.