Communication is a necessary tool in the caregiver’s toolbox. More often than not, you find yourself communicating on behalf of your loved one with dementia. Family, friends, medical professionals, financial advisors, insurance companies … eventually, you’re communicating with everyone responsible for providing a high quality of life for your loved one. Clear, concise and effective communication is essential, and you’ll quickly find yourself becoming an expert. But as you’re communicating and championing for your loved one, don’t forget about communicating on behalf of another very important person: yourself.
“We often think about communication in terms of communicating with your loved one to understand them, or communicating to other members in your circle of caregiving,” says Addie Ricci, Executive Director at Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk, located in Norwalk, CT. “While this is an essential part of caregiving, another essential part is making sure your needs, feelings and concerns are met as well.”
Having your needs heard, says Addie, is critical in order to prevent caregiver burnout. “Caregivers tend to suppress negative feelings because they feel like it makes them a bad person,” she says. “Bottling up our emotions doesn’t make them go away, and in fact, can make them worse. “Being able to understand why you’re feeling this way and how you can work through it will give you the arsenal you need to solve the problem.”
General Communication Tips for Caregivers
There are a handful of techniques you can use in any situation to ensure you’re communicating as effectively as possible. Here are the major ones:
- Practice assertiveness. This doesn’t mean “being combative;” rather, it means being honest and stating exactly what you want, need or feel. If you need a break, call your sister and ask her to watch Mom for the weekend. If your loved one says something hurtful, tell them exactly that.
- Use “I” messages. Phrases that use the word “I” instead of “you” allow you to express your feelings without blaming others. By saying “I feel hurt” instead of “You hurt me,” the other person is less likely to become defensive and more likely to hear what you’re trying to express.
- Be respectful and kind. Be honest, but don’t be intentionally hurtful to the other person. Remember that he or she also has the right to express their feelings and needs, so give them the opportunity to do so.
- Be specific and clear. One of the scary things about directly saying how you feel or what you need is that the other person may turn you down or disagree. However, being open in this way shows that you respect the opinion of the other person. When both parties are clear and honest about needs and feelings, you have a better chance of reaching understanding.
- Don’t be afraid to try again. You may not get the response or reaction you’re looking for the first time. In that case, try again later – the timing just might be off to have this conversation.
Tips for Speaking with Family Members
Dealing with family members can sometimes be the most difficult aspect of communication. You’re dealing with not just the facts of the situation, but also the emotions and relationships that come with it. Take a deep breath, center yourself and use these tips to help make your conversations with family more productive:
- Listen as well as speak. Ironically, communicating your needs effectively starts with not talking, but listening. Listen to what the other party is really saying – everyone wants to feel heard and validated.
- Speak openly about your worries, fears and needs. Being vulnerable may encourage other family members to share, resulting in frank and constructive discussions.
- Don’t shy away from the hard topics. Discussing insurance, advance directives, wills and even funerals can be difficult and fraught with emotion. However, preparing for the future can bring peace of mind and relieve stress.
Tips for Speaking with Medical Professionals
If you are your loved one’s proxy or have power of attorney, you may be the point of contact for communicating with doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals. Communicating effectively with this audience is just as important as communicating with family members. While you may not automatically think of communicating your feelings and needs with this group, but doing so can help you make strong partnerships with the people who are caring for your loved one (and, by extension, you).
- Explain your situation and be assertive with your needs. This allows you and the professionals to suggest practical solutions. For example, if meeting in the morning is not optimal for your situation, let the doctor know so a workaround can be scheduled.
- Speak up if you have questions, concerns or need clarification. It’s easy to get confused by the medical speak and directions, and you may feel like you can’t “take up the doctor’s time.” Don’t be afraid to ask questions and get clarification on anything you don’t understand or don’t feel good about.
- Be appreciative. Being kind and letting professionals know they’re doing a good job can go a long way – and can result in better care.
- Get second opinions or change providers. If a doctor doesn’t feel like a good fit for whatever reason, don’t be afraid to go somewhere else or ask for a second opinion. Healthcare providers are people, too. Sometimes someone just doesn’t mesh with what you need, and that’s okay.
“Effective communication allows for better care for your loved one, a higher quality of well-being for you and better, stronger relationships for everyone in your circle,” says Addie. “By being assertive, listening to yourself and to others and giving yourself permission to share your needs, feelings and desires, your caregiving experience will be much richer and more rewarding.”
If you would like more information about effectively communicating as a caregiver, or for more information about our unique assisted living memory care community, please contact us on our website.
Compassionate Care for All Stages of Memory Loss
Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
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Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide a high level of personalized attention for every stage of memory loss. At Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk, our residents have it all for one simple monthly fee.
Community Amenities
Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Norwalk provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a peaceful and secure environment where residents feel at home.
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