As a caregiver to a loved one with dementia, do any of these statements sound familiar?
- I’m often overwhelmed, frustrated and exhausted by caregiving, but I don’t want my loved one to know that – it’s not his fault he has dementia.
- I feel selfish when I worry about myself; I should be strong enough to put my loved one’s needs first.
- Nobody understands how hard it is to care for my loved one; I don’t have anyone I can talk to who understands what I’m going through.
If any of those statements hit close to home, don’t worry – you’re not alone. Most, if not all, caregivers experience difficulty coping with the hardships that come from caring for a loved one with dementia. And there are many. Externally, you’re dealing with everything from your loved one’s changing realities to financial struggles to the exhaustion of coordinating care. Internally, you have to face the emotional and mental task of caring for someone who will never get “better” while balancing everything in your life as well.
“Caregiving is a uniquely rewarding experience, but it’s also one of the most physically, mentally and emotionally demanding jobs you’ll ever face,” says Nat Grim, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee. “Many caregivers are family members and haven’t been officially trained for the realities that come with caregiving. Without the right support, it can take a huge toll on every aspect of your life, leading to stress, depression and burnout.”
Even if you are dealing relatively well as a caregiver, says Nat, resources like counseling can be incredibly beneficial to both you and your loved one. “There’s a stigma that surrounds counseling that doesn’t exist in other forms of the medical profession,” she says. “There isn’t any shame associated with going to a doctor if your body hurts or you have a cold, and there shouldn’t be shame with going to a counselor to help improve your quality of life.” She suggests thinking of counseling more as a “care resource” like a nutritionist or physical therapist. “Not only will a counselor give you an opportunity to share and talk through your emotions with a non-judgmental party, but you can also gain tools and advice for helping you be a better caregiver to your loved one.”
Caregiver Stress and Burnout
It’s normal to go through periods of frustration, sadness and even resentment when you’re a caregiver. Having these feelings doesn’t mean you’re a bad person – it means you’re a normal person who’s dealing with a very difficult situation. However, the issue arises when these feelings become a part of everyday life and evolve into constant stress and, eventually, burnout. Not only does this cause guilt, anxiety and a feeling of hopelessness and stress, but burnout can cause very real physical issues, such as:
- Depression. Unsurprisingly, caregivers report higher levels of depression than the general population. This causes emotional and mental issues, as well as raises the risk for other health issues like heart disease and strokes.
- Weakened immune system. Stress can cause our immune systems to weaken, making us more susceptible to illnesses like the cold and flu. It also makes vaccines less effective and increases recovery time for all health ailments.
- Obesity. And it’s not simply from stress-eating. Stress can actually cause weight gain due to the increase in various chemicals produced by your brain and body. To add insult to injury, obesity raises the risk for other health issues like diabetes, stroke and heart disease.
- Problems with attention and short-term memory. Caregivers to individuals with dementia report higher-than-normal issues with short-term memory and focusing.
That’s why caregiver stress is so dangerous, says Nat. “It doesn’t affect just one single aspect of your life. It actually affects all parts of your life, which is what can make it so hard to escape. Being proactive and learning ways to handle your emotions and stress in a healthy way is essential for being a successful caregiver.”
The Benefits of Counseling
Counseling can have numerous benefits, both direct and indirect, for dementia caregivers. Here’s a short list of just some of the benefits you may find:
- It can help normalize the complicated feelings that arise from being a caregiver
- It provides you tools for redirecting feelings of defeat, resentment and guilt into more constructive and helpful emotions
- It allows you to work through and process your grief about how your relationship is shifting and the changes you’re seeing in your loved one
- It helps improve communication and strengthen the relationship between you and your senior loved one
- It assists in establishing expectations, strategies and agreements that provide avenues to share responsibilities with others
- It teaches you how to set boundaries to protect yourself and become a better caregiver
Where to Find Counseling
We’re using “counseling” as a blanket term. You don’t necessarily have to receive counseling from a psychologist or other professional therapist. You can also receive the emotional support you need from support groups, a trusted friend or even a religious leader. Consider checking with your health insurance company to see what options may be available to you if you choose to go the “professional” route. You can also contact your local Area Agency on Aging to discover resources that are specifically tailored to your situation.
Another option, says Nat, is to connect with a community that is designed for memory care such as Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee. “We understand and respect the burdens and challenges that family caregivers shoulder, and as professionals in the memory care industry, we know that it takes a village to provide the very best support for you and your loved one. That’s why we at Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee are proud to offer monthly support groups as well as support and services to families and at-home caregivers – all at no cost. These offerings can provide valuable support, advice, information plus the chance to socialize and interact with other caregivers who are experiencing the same things you are.” The community also offers free lectures and educational classes that run the gamut from research and treatment updates, caregiving tips and much more.
Best of all, says Nat, you don’t have to worry about finding someone to watch your loved one with dementia while you’re attending a session. “Our community is designed specifically for the unique needs of individuals with dementia, and during our family and caregiving sessions, our life enrichment team holds activities so you can enjoy your time, knowing that your loved one is being given high-quality attention with professionally trained staff.”
For more information about our complimentary, open-to-the-public caregiving resources, or to learn more about our memory care community, please contact us for more information.
Peace of Mind for Cape Cod Seniors and Their Families
Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Age in Place
While many memory care assisted living communities are unable to care for those whose memory loss has progressed, Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee can continue to provide a home and care no matter the stage. Our age in place philosophy helps residents avoid the stress often associated with moving to another community and offers peace of mind to their families. Perhaps the best benefit, your loved one remains in the care of those they’ve grown to know and trust.
Supportive, Engaging Services
At Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee, we offer a program of care and services that celebrates life and supports individual strengths. Our compassionate and engaging approach adapts to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident. No matter what stage of memory loss a resident may be experiencing, families can be sure their loved one will receive a full array of services and a high level of personalized attention.
Contact us today to learn more.