The holidays are almost here, and that means festive gatherings, feasts and fun. Many of us think of the holidays as a time to relax and enjoy a little well-deserved relaxation. However, if you’re a caregiver to a senior loved one with dementia, the holidays can bring significant challenges and stress.
“There are a lot of expectations that come with this time of year, and even if we logically know we don’t have to live up to each and every one of them, our emotions aren’t always on the same page,” says Jennifer Trout, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham. “Caregivers of seniors with dementia can be feeling guilt, responsibility, sadness and a slew of other emotions this time of year. You may think you have to go above and beyond to make the holidays as “normal” as possible. Or you may be silently resentful as you try to hurry around making sure that the rest of your family isn’t ‘put out’ or upset because things are changing. Or you may be despairing as to what you can do to make sure your loved one enjoys the season.”
However you may be feeling, Trout says, it’s important to remember that your loved one is still able to enjoy the holiday spirit, no matter if the dementia diagnosis is recent or if they’re in the late stages of the disease. “There are so many wonderful traditions this time of year that involve being around friends and family, and individuals with dementia can certainly be involved in them, even if a little adjustment is necessary. The simple act of being around people who love and care about them can provide endless benefits to people with dementia – as well as to their caregivers.”
In order to have a successful holiday season, it’s important to do some planning and adjust your expectations. By taking the time to think things through and recognize potential triggers (and benefits) for your loved one, you can create a season that will be holly-jolly for all involved.
Familiarize friends and family with the new normal.
Whether you’re hosting a gathering or if you’re visiting family members, it’s important to talk with the involved parties and let them know what to expect with your loved one. If the senior has just been diagnosed or is in the early stages of dementia, it’s possible that there won’t be many, if any, changes, save for a little difficulty following conversation or the tendency to repeat phrases. But if there has been a significant decline since the last time others have seen your loved one, you may need to prepare visitors. These significant changes can be hard to accept, and it’s difficult to see someone you love not remember who you are or act in a completely different way. It’s important to make sure your friends and family know that your loved one is still the same person, and any changes are due to the disease.
Adjust expectations.
A big family gathering may not be possible this year. Or, it may be possible, but your loved one will only be able to stay for a little bit or not attend at all. Be sure that everyone understands the reality of the situation, and make sure you are honest with yourself about what you can and can’t do as a caregiver. It can be emotionally tough to have to change long-standing traditions, but you need to give yourself permission to only do what you can manage. If you’ve always cooked a big meal, consider going potluck or have someone else host the gathering. Or arrange several small gatherings over the season instead of one big blowout.
Plan around your loved one’s needs.
If evenings cause agitation or confusion for your loved one, consider changing your traditional holiday dinner into a brunch or a lunch to make sure your senior is at his or her best. If you end up attending an event in the evening, make sure there is plenty of light to avoid frightening your loved one, and make sure there is a quiet and peaceful place where he or she can go for a “timeout” if things become too overwhelming. Be sure to let several family members or friends understand the unique situation and can help you when needed.
Make sure your decorations are dementia-friendly.
While holiday decor is one of the prettiest parts of the season, they can also be confusing and even terrifying to seniors with dementia. Avoid using twinkle lights, which can cause disorientation. Make sure corridors are clear and free of any tripping hazards (like decor or extension cords). Animatronics can be frightening to seniors, so consider leaving the singing Santa in storage this year.
Build on past memories and traditions.
Celebrating long-standing traditions can be meaningful to your loved one, and may even help spark reminiscing. Singing favorite holiday songs are a great way to connect and spend time together, and repetitive tasks are fun and easy for individuals with cognitive issues to master. Here are a few activities to enjoy with family members:
- Stringing garlands of popcorn, paper chains or cranberries
- Baking cookies
- Making wreaths
- Sending greeting cards
- Listening to holiday music
- Looking over old photo albums
- Watching old holiday specials
- Hanging ornaments on the tree
Involve the entire family.
Togetherness is the key for a meaningful and fun holiday season. Be sure you include friends and family in holiday activities so your loved one with dementia has the chance to interact with everyone present. Spend an afternoon doing holiday baking, going on a walk or putting together memory books. Play music to inspire singing or dancing. Simple crafts, like making paper snowflakes, are fun for younger family members to do with your loved one.
Each individual with dementia is different and has different needs. As their caregiver, you know better than anyone else what activities and events will be most meaningful. Resist the urge to do too much or try to meet other people’s expectations, and plan activities ahead of time that will allow everyone to enjoy time together. By making your holidays as dementia-friendly as possible, the season will be rewarding for you, your friends and family and your loved one.
If you would like more information about planning a dementia-friendly holiday, contact us at 781.749.7114.
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