Traditions are woven throughout our holiday celebrations. Whether it’s singing carols around the piano, playing games in front of the fireplace, lighting the menorah together or hanging decorations on the Christmas tree, everything we do at this time of year carries the weight of celebrations past. As much as we want to cling to and experience these traditions every year, this becomes difficult when you have a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or other form of memory loss.
“It’s normal to mourn the loss of what once was when you have to begin adapting your holiday traditions to accommodate the needs of your loved one with dementia,” says Barbara Harrison, Executive Director of Bridges® at Pembroke, a memory care assisted living community in Pembroke, MA. “However, different doesn’t mean bad. It’s still possible to have a meaningful holiday together even as your traditions get tweaked. The key to making the transition successful is by educating yourself on what to expect and taking steps to balance your old traditions with the new normal.”
Here are seven ways to help adapt your holiday traditions – and even create new ones – as you celebrate this year with your senior loved one.
1. Manage expectations.
Understanding that things are changing and not dwelling on the past will help set you up for success. This doesn’t mean you have to completely shut out your memories from earlier times – in fact, it’s good to share stories about times you’ve spent together. However, many people get so wrapped up on the trappings of the season – the meal, holiday decor, activities – that the actual “spending time together with your loved ones” aspect gets pushed to the side. By refocusing on what’s important (your relationships) and adjusting the technicalities (holiday activities and such), your celebrations will fall into place much more smoothly.
2. Be sensitive to your loved one’s needs.
The biggest way to set you and your loved one up for success is by understanding their triggers and difficulties, and adjusting your traditions to help make your loved one as comfortable and happy as possible. For example, if your family celebrations have started at noon and gone until midnight, consider doing a shorter celebration so your loved one isn’t overwhelmed (scheduling an “after party” somewhere else if wanted).
3. Keep gatherings intimate.
Large crowds can easily overwhelm people with dementia, and while it’s fun to have the entire extended family around the dinner table, it may prove to be too much for your loved one. Consider changing things up so your loved one can also enjoy gathering with the people they care about. Instead of one large celebration, host a few get-togethers over the holiday season and have an immediate-family-only holiday meal on the actual day. If you’re traveling to the annual holiday celebration, make sure there’s a room or space available for your loved one to retire to in order to regroup or get away from all the hoopla.
4. Plan activities they’ll enjoy.
Help your loved one feel included by planning activities they already enjoy. For example, if you have a baker in your family, organize a cookie-baking or decorating session. If football is more their thing, plan a watching party complete with tailgate food instead of heading to the stadium. Dance parties, caroling sing-alongs and playing holiday music are other great ways to involve older loved ones and get the memories (and laughter) flowing.
5. Adapt recipes for favorite foods.
Your loved one may have dietary issues, but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy favorite holiday treats and meals. Thanks to the Internet, there are countless recipes for sugar-free, low-sodium, gluten-free, nut-free, anything-free holiday favorites. Make sure there are delicacies for your loved one to enjoy since mealtimes play such an important role in all our traditions.
7. Meet your loved one where she or he is right now.
As mentioned earlier, the most important part of the holidays is spending time with the people you love. For family members who may not be around much or who are seeing your senior loved one for the first time since the dementia diagnosis, they may feel uncomfortable or be reluctant to interact. This is actually very normal – and if you’re a caregiver, the best way to make everyone feel comfortable is by helping family members and friends have a basic understanding of your loved one’s abilities and how he or she will react. By understanding where your loved one is and having everyone meet him or her as they are right now, you’ll be able to have meaningful interactions that will build happy memories for the future.
If your loved one is in the early stages of dementia:
- Let people (especially children) know that they don’t have to be afraid because of the diagnosis. Grandma or Grandpa is still the same person they were before the disease. Tell people to be themselves and treat the senior like they always have.
- Make it a point to include your loved one in conversations, since he or she might not feel comfortable joining in on their own.
- Asking yes or no questions will be simpler for your loved one to process and answer.
- Forgetfulness and having difficulty finding words are touchstones of dementia. When you’re having a conversation with your loved one and they’re searching for a word or phrase, be patient. Let them have the space they need to continue their thoughts. If they’re very obviously lost, it’s completely okay to offer a suggestion – just do it in a kind manner.
If your family member is in the moderate stages of dementia:
- Eventually, your loved one may forget names or mistake family members for other people. When starting conversations, be sure to introduce yourself somehow (“Hi, Mom! It’s your middle daughter, Jenny. I’m so glad to see you!).
- Individuals with dementia can be startled easily because they’re often anxious or on edge in group situations. Always approach your loved one from the front, not from behind, and don’t touch them or initiate physical contact until they know you’re there.
- As the disease progresses, focus on one-on-one conversations in quiet areas to make your family member feel as comfortable as possible.
- If your loved one is telling the same story over and over again or asking the same question repeatedly, remind yourself that this is okay and it’s not hurting you (even if it’s annoying). Be patient and respond as if it’s the first time. If it gets too repetitive, however, you can deflect the conversation and redirect attention to something else.
If your loved one is in the late stages of dementia:
- When the disease has progressed this far, your loved one may not be able to interact or carry on a conversation. While this is hard, understand that your simple presence is enough to bring joy to him or her. Sit next to your loved one, show physical affection through a hug or holding hands and be present in the moment.
- Music stimulates different areas of our brains that have not been affected by dementia. Many people have reported that their loved ones – long after their memory has passed – can sing, clap their hands and sometimes converse when listening to music. Play holiday songs and encourage your loved one to sing along or interact with the music, and enjoy in the emotions and actions that come from it.
If you would like to learn more about creating holiday traditions for a loved one with dementia, or if you’d like more resources for caregivers, please contact us at 781.754.4500.
Compassionate Care for All Stages of Memory Loss
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Dedicated Memory Care
The team of compassionate dementia-care experts at Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke delivers 24-hour assistance and inspiring programs that exercise physical and cognitive abilities – all in a supportive, purposefully designed environment. For added peace of mind, we offer simple, all-inclusive pricing options that help make the process a little easier for families.
Community Amenities
Characterized by a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with memory loss need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a peaceful and secure environment where residents feel at home.
Call us today at 781.754.4500 to learn more about Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke or to schedule a personal tour.