Alicia Seaver is the Vice President of Memory Care Operations for EPOCH Senior Living and a Certified Memory Impairment Specialist. Every month, she addresses a specific issue related to memory and memory care. If you’re interested in hearing about a particular topic, please send a note to [email protected].
Q: I’ve recently become a caregiver for my mother who has dementia. What are some tips and tactics to help me adjust to this new role?
A: Caring for a loved one with dementia is a big responsibility. Obviously, you’ve taken on this role with the best of intentions and out of love for your family member. But the honest truth is that this will dramatically alter your life. Whether the caregiving role came on suddenly, or if it’s been a slow and gradual progression, it’s incredibly important to understand the situation and how your life – and the life of your loved one – will be affected moving forward.
Adjusting to the new normal will take time, and happens on a variety of levels. Let’s start with the tactical shifts first. You’ll need to establish a good relationship with your loved one’s primary care physician if you haven’t done so already. This will enable you to provide ongoing support and continued care. You’ll also want to make sure your home is safety-proofed for the benefit of your loved one. Finally, research, research, research: addressing financial and legal matters and learning behavior management techniques are important and vital steps to making you a more informed and confident caregiver.
These are all changes you may have already thought about – perhaps you’re already addressing them. However, one aspect of dementia care that I see caregivers neglecting far too often is the emotional and psychological effects a caregiver can have on the individual and the family.
One of the first hurdles you’ll have to deal with is accepting the role reversal of your relationship with the individual with dementia. For your entire life, your parent was your parent, and you were the child. Now, the roles are switching, which can cause a lot of angst, resentment, stress and even anger. These feelings are completely natural and you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling them. In a sense, you’re mourning the loss of the relationship you had, so give yourself the space and time to grieve your own way.
Next, you’ll need to address the reality of caregiver stress and burnout. Studies have shown that caring for someone with dementia is more stressful than caring for a loved one with physical issues. More than half of caregivers have reported experiencing stress and burnout, although I believe the actual number is far higher than that. Caregivers will often ignore or push aside their needs in order to care for their loved ones, either because they feel like they don’t have time, or they think it’s selfish or a variety of other reasons. However, taking care of your own needs isn’t an indulgence. It’s a mandatory part of caregiving, because you must first take care of yourself. Spend time with friends, keep up with favorite hobbies and, as much as possible, live your life. Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for or seek out support. There are a variety of community resources available to you, including meal delivery, respite services or even adult day care services.
Every caregiver’s situation is unique, and adjusting to the role will take time. Please know that we at Bridges® by EPOCH are here for you to be a resource, guide and support group as you move through this journey. We admire and support caregivers in our community and have many free resources available to help you.
Enhancing Quality of Life
Bridges® by EPOCH communities have been developed from the ground up to anticipate, meet and exceed the needs of our residents and their families. Our team of remarkable people, the exceptional care and services we offer and the purposeful design of our buildings all combine to create the most rewarding, secure and nurturing lifestyle possible for our residents.
We understand the concern families feel about ensuring quality of life for loved ones. That’s why, at Bridges® by EPOCH, we offer a wellness-centered lifestyle that focuses on reinforcing individual strength so residents enjoy heightened confidence and self-esteem. Ultimately, we provide everything residents need to thrive and rediscover a life with purpose.
Inspiration for Success
At our Bridges® by EPOCH communities, we work closely with families to gain necessary insight and deeper understanding into the lives of our residents upon admission. With this initial information, along with what our exceptional team members learn about our residents each and every day, we are best prepared to provide highly individualized programming for our residents.