Being diagnosed with dementia is a life-changing event. You may feel a variety of emotions from anger to denial to guilt and, sometimes, relief in knowing what’s “wrong” with you. You may immediately begin asking questions and raising concerns such as, what does this mean for my future? What happens when I can no longer care for myself? How much longer do I have? And once you’ve gotten over your initial feelings, you may be wondering: how do I tell my family and friends?
“Many people are hesitant to share their diagnosis with friends and loved ones, because facing that reality is scary, just as it is with any other life-changing disease,” says Amanda Jillson, Executive Director at Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua, a memory care assisted living community in Nashua, NH. “However, opening up and sharing this news with others is an important first step in integrating this into your life and making the future that much easier. The sooner you share the news, the quicker you’ll be able to receive the support, caring and planning assistance you’ll need to maintain a high quality of life.”
“There are many medications and treatments that are used to help assist with the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease, dementia and other memory impairments, but they’re usually most effective when started as soon as possible,” adds Jillson. “It also helps your loved ones to know what’s going on, because if they’re kept in the dark, they can become frustrated, angry and unsure of how to react. By knowing what lies ahead, they can educate themselves about your disease and support you through the challenges.”
It’s important to remember that talking about dementia and other memory impairments is not the forbidden subject it once was. In fact, research has shown that sharing news about your condition with those closest to you has an overall positive effect on relationships and makes the memory loss journey much easier for you and your family.
Choosing Whom to Tell
It’s not necessary for you to tell everyone you know about your diagnosis – unless that’s what you want. Some people choose to tell just their immediate family and close friends, while others share the news freely with everyone in their lives. The important thing is to remember that it’s your news, and you only have to share it with the people you are comfortable with knowing. You also don’t have to tell everyone right away. It may make you feel more comfortable and supported by choosing to tell a small group first before sharing the news with others.
As you’re determining who to tell, think about the people in your life and ask yourself these questions:
- Who do I want to know about this? Who do I feel closest to?
- Who do I know that I can rely on to support me throughout this journey?
- Who needs to know about this right away (your spouse, your children, your closest friends)?
Sharing Your Diagnosis
How you share your news will depend on who you decide to tell. Many people prefer to tell others face-to-face, sometimes in a “family meeting” situation with their children, and sometimes one-on-one, such as with a spouse or best friend. You can choose to share your diagnosis as soon as you receive it, or you can take time to come to terms with your own emotions before sharing.
Before having the conversation, give some thought to what you’d like to say. You can even write down talking points on a piece of paper to keep your thoughts in order. You may want to take the opportunity to tell others a little about your particular dementia or talk about future plans. Consider asking yourself these questions and tailoring your discussion based on your answers:
- How do I expect this person to react, and how can I prepare for their reaction?
- What do I want and need from this person right now? How do I want them to treat me?
- What do they need from me right now, and how can I help?
Dealing With Reactions
Just as you may have dealt with different emotions after you first heard your diagnosis, your friends and loved ones will more than likely have similar reactions and feelings. Your announcement may be met with anger or fear, or you may hear “but you seem fine” or “that can’t be right.” All of these emotions are very common, and your loved ones may need time to process their thoughts on the matter. They may need to be educated to overcome misconceptions or stigma. Allow them to process your news in their own way and on their own time.
Continuing the Conversation
Having “the talk” with friends and family will be just the beginning of the conversations you’ll have along your dementia journey. There will be adjustments that have to be made and all of you will deal with different behavioral, emotional and physical changes that will come about. Although some times will be more trying than others, remember to keep communication flowing. Letting your friends and family know what you’re still able to do (and how you feel) will help them support you in the best possible way. It’s also important to stay connected to the people we care about, because that social and emotional interaction provides great comfort and benefit – and the people who care about you will want to hear from you, know how you’re doing and what they can do to help.
This is a difficult time for you, but having the support of the people you care about will allow you all to face the future together. Your life is still your own, and you are still the same person you were before your diagnosis, which means there are still opportunities for you to nurture your relationships and create meaningful memories with the ones you love.
If you would like more information about sharing your dementia diagnosis with loved ones, contact us at 603.594.0581
A Fulfilling Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Many Services, One Monthly Fee
Our dedicated memory care and services celebrate life and support each resident’s individual strengths. No matter what stage of memory loss a resident may be experiencing, their family can be sure that with us, their loved one is safe, secure and happy.
Stunning, Purpose-Built Design
Featuring a stunning design and luxuries only a new community can offer, Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua is so much more than a beautiful place to live … It’s a community with a singular focus: enrich the lives of our residents and help their families enjoy meaningful relationships with them. Our evidence-based design features attributes that make life easier for those with memory loss: soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations.
Call us today at 603.594.0581 to learn more about Bridges® by EPOCH at Nashua or to schedule a personal tour.