Welcome to Alicia’s monthly advice column where she’ll provide tips on caring for a loved one with dementia. Alicia Seaver is the Director of Memory Care at Bridges® by EPOCH and is a certified memory impairment specialist. This month’s topic is self-care.
We’ve all heard the flight attendant instructing passengers to put the oxygen mask on themselves before helping another. This principle applies equally to dementia caregiving, another intense situation where it’s easy to lose sight of oneself.
To use another metaphor, caring for a loved one with dementia is both a sprint and a marathon: often a 24/7 obligation that lasts for years and can become increasingly difficult over time.
Facing these burdens, it’s no wonder many caregivers feel alone. While every situation is unique, common themes emerge as caregivers describe their experiences:
- “I’m not the person I used to be.”
- “I’ve lost touch with my circle of friends.”
- “I’m becoming more impatient with my spouse.”
- “My performance at work is suffering.”
Because dementia-caregiving is a marathon of unknown duration, it’s worth noting that successful marathon runners take care of themselves through, for instance, proper training, education, coaching, solid nutrition, hydration and stretching.
As a caregiver, the impact of ongoing stress varies based on the caregiver’s health, resilience, age, support system and other factors. While some factors, such as finance or age, may be out of our control, one thing we can control is our level of self-care.
With 2016 just beginning, I encourage you to use this new year as a time to resolve to keep your own needs top of mind. Toward this goal, here are some things to consider:
- Remember that your first responsibility is to yourself. This awareness is the foundation for all self-care and it doesn’t cost anything. This includes challenging beliefs inherited from family and community, e.g. the role of women as natural caretakers. Remember you are here for the long haul. Of course you want to make your loved one as comfortable as possible, but at what cost? If you are pushing past your limits, if you are hurting yourself, is that what your loved one would want?
- Create time and space for yourself. If you have a mindfulness practice such as yoga, meditation or prayer, be sure to do it. It’s tempting to think you don’t have time, but even 10 or 20 minutes a day can yield tremendous dividends. Journaling is another great practice. The “morning pages” are three daily, handwritten, stream-of-consciousness pages. If you’d rather use your computer or phone, get a free account with Week Plan. E-journaling is one of their many features.
- Find support. The Alzheimer’s Association offers online and in-person support groups, a 24-hour hotline, classes, and other resources. Peer support and professional help, including individual counseling, can be a lifeline. Senior centers and senior living communities are other places to look.
- Play music. Available nearly everywhere – computer, tablet, phone, car – music replenishes. Try rock or disco for energy, classical and new age for relaxing. Pandora.com is free customizable “radio” for computer and phone. It’s healing for you (and it’s also great for people with memory loss).
- Respite. Whether it’s a vacation or a “staycation,” time out is critical for preventing burnout. The Alzheimer’s Association and local senior services can offer caregiver referrals. Most memory-care residences also offer respite stays. There are lots of options for ensuring your loved one is well cared for.
While self-care won’t completely eliminate or prevent stress due to caregiving, it will help you to ground yourself against the challenges and better prepare you to continue caring for your loved one.
If you recognize yourself as a caregiver who too often neglects their own needs, try to use the new year as a time to find ways to put yourself first.
If there is a topic you would like Alicia to discuss, please send suggestions to [email protected].