Helping children understand Alzheimer’s

Alzheimer’s can have an impact on every member of the family, including children. While children are often resilient and immune to “older people” problems, when a loved one has dementia, their changing mood and actions can sometimes confuse and upset children. But there are a number of things you can do to help a child better understand and accept what is happening with a loved one with dementia.

1. Teach your child about the disease. The Alzheimer’s Association is a wonderful resource to answer questions and provide suggestions for how your family can work through changes brought on by the disease. Their website even features a special section with information geared specifically toward kids and teenagers (www.alz.org/kids).
2. Maintain good communication. Always keep the lines of communication open as this is the best way for children—and the whole family—to deal with the changes that are happening. If a loved one with dementia starts acting differently or doing something that makes people around them uncomfortable or ask questions, don’t be afraid to talk about it.
3. Answer questions honestly. Many children will have questions about their loved one: Why is grandpa acting differently? What is Alzheimer’s? Will I get Alzheimer’s if I spend time with grandpa? Will grandpa forget me? Be honest with your answer and don’t try to sugar coat the message. Children are excellent observers and often aware if an answer doesn’t sound right.
4. Let your child know that their feelings are normal. As a loved one’s dementia progresses, children can react to the changes with different feelings. Common reactions are frustration by having to repeat words or phrases to their loved one, confusion about why their loved one is acting differently or doesn’t recognize him or her, fear of the different ways a loved one may act and uncertainty how to act around a loved one. Ensure your child that all of these feelings are okay by showing them comfort and support.
5. Create memories. Your child has special memories about favorite times shared with a loved one with dementia. Encourage your child to create and decorate a “memory box” filled with reminders of those special times, such as photos and mementos. This could also be an activity that your child could do with a loved one with dementia.