It happens slowly. Or sometimes quickly. You find yourself annoyed all the time, even at the littlest things. You’re so exhausted you can hardly drag yourself out of bed in the morning. You avoid going out because it’s just too much work. Maybe you’ve noticed you’re clenching your jaw more than usual.
If you’re caring for a loved one who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, dementia or another memory impairment, these symptoms aren’t just a bad mood. They’re signs of caregiver stress.
“Caregiver stress is a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that occurs when you’re taking care of the day-to-day needs of another,” says Jean Norte, Executive Director of Bridges® at Westwood, a memory care and assisted living community in Westwood, MA. “We differentiate it from ‘normal’ depression or anxiety, because unlike those disorders that are often caused by chemical changes in the brain, caregiver stress is caused by external forces that you may not be able to change.”
When you’re caring for someone else, it’s easy to forget about your own needs. Although this is something that’s sustainable for a short time, over the long term it leads to one very miserable caregiver.
More than 60 percent of caregivers state that they’re clinically depressed. Part of this is due to the fact that much of the caregiving being done in the United States is being provided by people who haven’t been trained as professional caregivers.
“Sometimes a family member who’s caring for a loved one won’t identify as a caregiver, because they don’t see themselves in that official role,” says Norte. “Because they see it as a duty that they must perform as a spouse or child, they can easily ignore their own personal and emotional well-being. Recognizing their role and everything that comes with it can help individuals receive the support they very much need to be the best caregivers possible.”
What Causes Caregiver Stress?
The obvious answer is caregiving – right? But it’s usually a little more complicated than that. Yes, caregiving as a whole is what causes the stress, but there are different “roots” of caregiving that affect each person differently, and most of the time it’s not the result of a single event, but instead a combination of circumstances, experiences and responses. Some of these are:
- Unreasonable burdens caregivers place upon themselves (such as making caring for their loved one their exclusive responsibility)
- Role confusion (especially difficult for adult children and spouses)
- Unrealistic expectations, such as wanting their care to be a positive thing for their loved one
- Loss of control
- Frustration from all the things that need to be done and the lack of resources available
Who is At Risk for Caregiver Stress?
Not all caregivers, even informal ones, develop this particular type of stress at a heightened level. Individuals who are most at risk of developing caregiver stress are:
- Usually female
- Have fewer years of formal education
- Live with the person they’re caring for
- Socially isolated
- Have depression
- Have financial difficulties
- Spend a high number of hours caregiving
- Have difficulty solving problems and a lack of coping skills
- Did not have a choice in becoming or continuing to be a caregiver
The Most Common Signs of Caregiver Stress
- Being constantly exhausted, even after just waking up
- Having difficulty sleeping
- Becoming anxious, depressed and irritable
- Overreacting to minor things
- Developing new health issues or your current health issues are getting worse
- Unable to relax, even when help is available, because you can’t stop thinking about what needs to happen
- Avoiding friends and cutting back on favorite activities
- Feeling resentful and angry towards the person you’re caring for
- Eating, smoking or drinking more than usual
- Neglecting your own needs
- Feeling helpless at all times
Tips on Dealing With and Avoiding Caregiver Stress
It’s easy to put your own needs to the side when you’re caring for someone else. But taking care of your well-being is a necessity, not a luxury. If you continue to experience caregiver stress, it can have negative effects on your state of mind, your health, your relationships and even your ability to care for your loved one. While there will always be some stress related with caregiving, here are some tips to help you find more balance in your life, lighten your load and help you avoid burning out.
- Recognize the warning signs and deal with them as early as possible. The best way to avoid caregiver stress is by not waiting until you’re completely overwhelmed. Take even the small signs of emotional distress seriously so you can avoid a much bigger problem down the road.
- Make time for yourself every day. Even if you can only get away for 30 minutes, time to yourself gives you a chance to decompress, focus on yourself and do something nice for you. Grab coffee with a friend, take a walk around the block or find a favorite place where you can sit and just be.
- Set realistic goals for yourself. Understand what you can and can’t do, and list priorities from top to bottom. Break big tasks into step-by-step tasks, and ultimately be realistic about what you can accomplish. If you can’t get to everything, that’s okay – you’re not a superhero.
- Attend to your own healthcare needs. Your general physical well-being affects your outlook, ability to cope and ability to be a good caregiver. Eat proper meals, exercise and be sure to see your own physician on a regular basis or if you notice any new symptoms developing. You can also speak to your doctor about anti-depression medications that might be able to help during this time.
- Become an educated caregiver. Learn as much as you can about your loved one’s disease so you know what to expect as it progresses. This will give you the tools you need to manage the present and plan for the future.
- Ask for – and accept – help. The people who care about you are ready, willing and waiting for you to ask for their help. Make a list of tasks someone else could help you with, such as going to the grocery store or staying with your loved one for a few hours while you get a haircut. If someone asks you what they can do, you can refer to the list so you can respond promptly with an actual task.
- Talk with someone about your feelings. Don’t keep your emotions inside. Develop a support system with your close friends and loved ones, and don’t be afraid to lean on them for emotional support. You may also want to consider going to a therapist if you’d like an impartial third party’s help.
- Learn to communicate effectively with your loved one’s physicians. Since you are the primary caregiver, you’ll be the one who notices any changes in behaviors or difficulties that arise from medications. Make a list of the most important concerns and problems and take them to doctor’s visits. Keep a log to assist yourself as well as the physician, since it’s hard to remember everything when you’re actually in the office.
- Consider joining a caregiver support group. Meeting and talking with people who are going through the same things you are can help you regain your inner strength. It can also help you find local resources to help you out, such as respite care or senior centers.
If you would like more information about how to recognize and deal with caregiver stress, contact us at 781.251.6630.
Personalized Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Westwood provides assisted living memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.
Personalized Services
Our care and services are designed to recognize and adapt to the individual challenges and personalities of our residents, while making sure they are comfortable and safe. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide a high level of personalized attention for every resident through all stages of memory loss.
Our Amenities
Bridges® by EPOCH at Westwood features a distinct design, providing residents with everything they need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Our community is built specifically to benefit those with Alzheimer’s disease and memory loss … so we use soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations to create a soothing, safe environment where residents feel at ease.
Call us today at 781.251.6630 to learn more about Bridges® by EPOCH at Westwood or to schedule a personal tour.