The holidays are stressful for just about everyone. For caregivers of seniors, who are already juggling their many responsibilities, the holidays are the perfect storm of stress, obligation and expectations to cause burnout.
“The holidays are a time of excess, which means that we end up doing things that, while they’re enjoyable in the minute, are unhealthy for us,” says Erica Labb, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Westford. “Eating too much, drinking too much, not exercising – this leads to not feeling well and piling on the stress. It’s important to understand healthy coping techniques that will allow you to enjoy the season while staying as healthy, happy and strong as possible.”
If you’re a caregiver for a senior loved one, here are tips to help you avoid caregiver burnout and stress throughout this holiday season.
1. Know what stress looks like for you.
Everybody reacts to stress differently. Maybe it causes you to be “on your last nerve”, or it manifests in extreme exhaustion. If you ignore the signals your body is sending you, or if you don’t know what it looks like for yourself, you’ll eventually reach a breaking point. Instead of getting to that breaking point, learn how stress manifests itself and take steps to cope with it when you recognize it happening to you. That way, you manage it before it spins out of control.
2. Recognize and acknowledge your emotions.
There’s an incredible pressure to keep holidays “as they were” for family members and friends. If you’re a caregiver for your senior loved one, you also have to shoulder the burden of staying positive and cheery while you’re feeling frustrated, sad, fearful or a variety of other negative emotions that caregiving can carry. Swallowing these emotions and pushing them to the side causes resentment to build up and can backlash in burnout. By recognizing what you’re feeling and accepting them as part of the caregiving process, you’re able to process them and keep them from taking over your life. This allows you to clear your thoughts for more useful things like cookie recipes and taking advantage of little moments of happiness.
3. Make yourself a priority.
Caregivers very often feel like they don’t have any spare moments to give. That doubles during the busy holiday season. However, it’s essential that you take time for yourself. This isn’t selfish – by giving yourself the gift of self-care, it allows you to be a better caregiver to your loved one. Take a half-hour to meditate, do yoga or take a walk around the block. Relax in a hot bath at the end of the day or make yourself a soothing cup of tea. Remember, those chores you have to complete don’t need to be finished right this moment. They’ll be there after you’ve done what you need to do to boost your energy levels and give yourself a little R&R.
4. Give yourself permission to say “no” and do less.
It’s easy to get caught up in the trappings of the holidays – the decorations, the huge family meals, the presents piled under the tree. Instead of becoming overwhelmed, take a cue from the Whos down in Whoville and remember that what’s important about the holidays isn’t found in a store. The holidays are important because we spend time with the people we care about most. So it’s perfectly fine if you don’t have time to send out your holiday cards this year. Or if you don’t want to set up that 9-foot tree. Or if you can’t handle a big multigenerational meal and instead want to do something simple with just your siblings and your senior loved one. This year, choose what’s best for YOU, and you’ll be amazed at how much all those other things don’t really matter.
5. Ask for help.
When friends or family ask what they can do to help, they really mean it. The best gift they can give to you this holiday season is by helping out with whatever you need. Whether that’s shouldering some caregiving activities or taking over some holiday preparations, be sure to reach out if you start feeling overwhelmed. More than likely, your family has been wanting to help but has been waiting for you to reach out. Give others the opportunity to take care of you for once so you can take some time and enjoy the family celebrations.
6. Understand you’re not responsible for your loved one’s reactions.
For caregivers, one of the biggest stressors is trying to make sure their senior loved one is enjoying the holiday. However, you must remember that you can only do so much. Your loved one may not understand what’s happening or may just be grumpy no matter what you do. Remember, it’s not your fault if your loved one is acting more like Scrooge than Santa. It’s not that you didn’t try hard enough or didn’t do this or that. Recognize that you’ve done what you can, and don’t feel guilty over the things you can’t control.
7. Arrange for respite care.
You need a break just as much as anyone else. Coordinate with friends and family to see how they can help you take a day off here and there. You can also look into senior centers or communities that may have day programs, which will allow your senior to spend time with others and enjoy community while you take a much-needed rest. If you’re traveling and your senior can’t go with you, look into short-term stays at a senior living community like Bridges® by EPOCH at Westford.
8. Practice grounding techniques.
These techniques are used to get you out of your head and focus you in the present. Doing this allows you to calm your thoughts and refocus on what’s in front of you. Here are a few examples of grounding techniques:
- Guided meditation
- Playing memory games, like saying the alphabet backwards
- Describing an object in as much detail as possible
- Repeating a mantra
- Circular breathing
Even if you’re a caregiver for a senior loved one, it is still possible to have a happy, enjoyable holiday season. The key is to be realistic, understand what you can and can’t control and give yourself a break here and there. Who cares if your holidays aren’t Norman Rockwell perfect this year? What’s most important is comfort and joy for all – even you.
If you would like more information about managing caregiver stress or our innovative dementia care programming, please contact us at 978.692.9541.
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Call us today at 978.692.9541 to learn more about Bridges® by EPOCH at Westford or to schedule a personal tour.