fbpx

How to Manage Stress as a Spousal Caregiver

When we marry our spouse, we promise to love and care for them “in sickness and in health.” However, as we age and start to require more care than when we were younger, oftentimes one spouse or the other will find themselves stepping into a caregiver role. It seems like the natural thing to do, but for many spousal caregivers, this can actually cause serious issues for themselves and the person they’re caring for.

“All caregivers are at risk of burning out, but that risk increases when you’re caring for a spouse,” says Cindy Wirth, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury, a memory care assisted living community in Sudbury, MA. That’s because, she says, spousal caregivers often hold themselves to heightened standards and don’t take care of themselves – much more than other familial caregivers. “Many spousal caregivers feel as if they must go above and beyond what’s expected, and will put themselves in a situation where they don’t get a break. After all, they live in the same house as the person they’re caring for, and there’s really no opportunity for them to ‘get out’ and unwind.”

According to a survey done in collaboration with the United Hospital fund and the AARP Public Policy Institute and the United Hospital Fund, one in five family caregivers is a spouse. Unsurprisingly, spousal caregivers tend to take on more than other familial caregivers, are older and in poorer health and are often less financially stable than younger caregivers.

Not only that, says Cindy, but spousal caregivers are more prone to social isolation, stress and depression because they don’t feel like they have anyone they can turn to. “For so many years, your spouse has been your partner and the one you can turn to when you need support, advice or even just a hug,” she says.

“When you’re caring for a spouse, you may not want to burden them with your stress and concern because you don’t want them to feel guilty about the situation you’re in. You also don’t feel like you can talk to other family members because, again, you may feel like this is what you’re required to do and you don’t want people to think ill of you.”

Unique Issues Affecting Spousal Caregivers

Caregiving is a tough job – we all can agree on that. Caregivers who are caring for spouses face some unique challenges that other types of caregivers may not face. While they are very similar to the issues faced by other familial caregivers, these challenges often affect spouses much more:

  • Changing role dynamics. When you step into the role of a caregiver, this can change the dynamic between you and your spouse. You go from sharing a life and making decisions together to a monotonous, never-ending slew of tasks and care. The passion and friendship that you’ve established over the years of marriage may start to disappear. You may even become resentful or angry at your spouse, or feel like you’re more like a parent rather than a partner.
  • A sense of invisibility. When an adult child or other family member steps into the caregiving role, they can be treated as selfless heroes. On the other hand, spousal caregivers can often be taken for granted by other family members. It all goes back to the “in sickness and in health” idea, and the caregiving spouse may feel as if they’re all alone in their burden.
  • Criticism. All caregivers deal with some form of criticism in some way, but for spouses, it can cut deep. For example, if your husband can no longer drive and you have to shuttle him back and forth, he may become very critical of your driving because “it’s not how he would do it.” This can be hard to not take personally. You can also face criticism from other family members (especially adult children) who may want to take control of the situation or treat you as if you “can’t handle it,” particularly if you have health issues of your own.

Helpful Tips for Managing Stress as a Spousal Caregiver

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: it is essential for you, as a spousal caregiver, to take the time to care for yourself and your health. Ignoring your needs will lead to exhaustion, depression and health issues of your own – all of which will have negative effects on your relationship and the care you can provide your spouse. Fortunately, there are ways to reduce stress and find the help you need. Here are some starting points.

  • Set boundaries to protect your relationship. Find ways to separate your dual roles of caregiver and spouse. The biggest mistake many spousal caregivers make is lumping the two together, which leads to role confusion and unhappiness for all parties. Look for opportunities to simply be a couple, like taking a walk in the park or doing an activity you both enjoy. Even though your spouse’s condition is a daily part of life, your conversations and activities don’t have to all revolve around it. Every day, you should spend some time being spouses first, and then go back to the caregiving role.
  • Ask for help. You simply can’t do everything on your own, and you shouldn’t have to. In fact, there are family members and friends who are probably wishing you would ask for assistance! By having someone take work off your plate, you’ll gain the time you need to do things for yourself and simply take a break. After all, professional caregivers get time off – you should, too!
  • Ask your spouse for things you need. Just because your spouse needs assistance doesn’t mean that he or she can’t do things for you. If there are things they can do to help you out, ask! Your spouse is probably feeling helpless and wishing he or she could help you out in any way possible. It can be as simple as asking your spouse to be appreciative of your efforts, or simply finding tasks or chores that are within their abilities.
  • Look for community resources. Communities like Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury understand the unique challenges facing spousal caregivers. If you need assistance managing your stress and finding ways to cope, please reach out to us. We understand that caring for a spouse can be difficult, and we are here to help you throughout this journey.

For more information about Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury, or to learn more about how we can provide advice and support to spousal caregivers, please contact us on our website.

Engaging Lifestyle.

Now open! Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury provides exceptional memory care in a comfortable, upbeat and engaging environment. Designed specifically to support people with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, Bridges® by EPOCH creates a wellness-focused lifestyle that respects individual preferences. Our teams receive ongoing, specialized training so they may help residents to safely exercise their independence and individuality in a secure, calm environment.

Dedicated Memory Care

We provide complete peace of mind for families and residents experiencing early-, mid- or late-stage memory loss. Our expert dementia care, Personalized Services and personalized programs are tailored to meet the physical, cognitive and emotional needs of each resident wherever they are on their journey, allowing them to age in place safely, comfortably and with respect.

Welcoming, Purpose-Built Design

Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury is more than a safe, beautiful place to live; it’s truly a home, where compassionate, dementia-educated caregivers help people with memory loss live more joyful lives and where families enjoy spending time together again. Our research-based design features soft lighting and colors, non-glare flooring, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life-enrichment stations that empower residents to comfortably move about their homes with confidence.

Contact us today to learn more.

Learn More About Bridges®

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Loading...