It’s never too early to begin thinking about the holidays, especially if you’re a caregiver to someone with dementia. But the reason for that may be different than you expect.
“The biggest thing on your to-do list this year is to find ways to manage and reduce holiday stress,” says Trish McKay, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Trumbull, a memory care assisted living community in Trumbull, CT. The holidays, she says, are some of the most stressful times of the year for caregivers, who are already living in a high-stress situation caring for their loved one and balancing their own responsibilities. By being proactive and taking steps to help yourself, though, the holidays don’t have to be something you dread. In fact, says Trish, this can be a downright enjoyable time for you and your family.
“In today’s society, we’ve put a lot of expectations on ourselves and others when it comes to having a great holiday,” she says. “This year, why not take a step back and focus instead on giving yourself a gift instead of worrying about everyone else having a picture-perfect time? If you can start thinking now about ways to reduce your stress when the season is upon us, you’ll be better able to manage expectations and find opportunities to truly enjoy everything the holidays bring.”
No matter what this season has in store, here are tips for helping manage expectations, minimize stress and allow you and your loved one to focus on what’s important this holiday season.
Give yourself permission to say no.
There are a lot of expectations on us at the holiday season. Some of them are external, but the majority of them are things we put on ourselves. Just because you’ve always done things a certain way doesn’t mean that it has to be that way going forward. One of the easiest (in a sense) ways to modify expectations and reduce your stress level is to say “no” a lot more often. Don’t feel obligated to go to every holiday party or volunteer to bake cookies or whatever else is causing you grief. You may have to tell family members that you won’t be able to host the family meal/bring that one certain dish/whatever this year. And you know what? That’s totally okay. Remember what’s really important about the holidays: spending time with the people we love and care about. To coin a phrase from a beloved holiday classic, what makes the holidays special “isn’t found in a store.” Allow yourself to do the things you want to do and can do – and don’t feel guilty about turning things down if you don’t have the time or energy to handle them.
Adapt traditions to better suit your current “now.”
Traditions are fun, and are the glue that holds our families together, especially at the holidays. But they can be time consuming and a source of stress if you’re worried about them being done “perfectly.” Instead of fussing over every single detail, think instead about the real heart of the tradition and adapt as necessary. For example, you don’t have to decorate with every single piece of decor that’s been handed down – maybe one or two pieces will do the job just fine. And you don’t have to slave away over the stove making traditional meals from scratch – you can always have another family member make them, or you can cater in or purchase pre-made items. Feel free to use paper plates instead of the good china. Don’t worry about sending holiday cards to your entire list. Think about the things that bring you, your family and your loved one joy and focus on those – and let go of the rest.
Ask for help.
“Asking for help” comes up in nearly every article you read about being a caregiver for someone with dementia. That’s because it’s so incredibly important. In order to be the best caregiver possible, you can’t try to do everything (because you simply can’t, and that’s okay). The holidays are actually a great time to ask for help, since family members may be more available. If you’re going to a family event, ask one or two other attendees if they’d be willing to sit with your loved one for a portion of the time so you can enjoy yourself, chat with others or simply get away to take a nap.
Another thing you can do is make plans for holiday caregiving help. Look into hiring a caregiver for a few days, or consider connecting with respite services in your area, such as short-term stays at a memory care community. Adult day care is another great option for when you need to run errands, clean the house or do anything else that can be difficult to with your loved one.
Understand you’re not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.
Many of us have a picture in our head of how the holidays should be. Isn’t it supposed to be a happy time with everyone spreading peace on earth and goodwill towards men? However, the truth of the matter is that holidays are busy and stressful and not everybody loves them.
Although you want to do everything possible to make this time of the year happy for your loved one with dementia, it’s possible that he or she won’t understand what’s going on, will be having some sort of episode or simply won’t have fun at all. If your older adult doesn’t enjoy everything you’ve done to get them in a holly jolly mood, know that it’s not your fault. You can’t control how someone is going to feel or act, so don’t feel guilty. (At the same time, don’t feel guilty if the other people in your life aren’t being appropriately appreciative.)
Practice gratitude.
Focusing on the good things that have you have at the holidays can help you refocus and open yourself to the joy of the season. By appreciating the things that make you happy, such as a beautifully decorated tree, your children being home from college or a freshly fallen coat of snow, you’ll be able to better open yourself up to joy instead of being sad for things that you no longer have.
“It can be easy to dwell on sadness because of the way your loved one may have changed over the years, or things that you miss about the past,” says Trish. “Instead, try and be thankful for the time that you have now and the opportunities you have to make memories that will carry you through this holiday season and beyond.”
Personalized Lifestyle
Bridges® by EPOCH at Trumbull’s highly specialized, resident-centered Bridges® program is a positive, uplifting approach to memory care and wellness that focuses on a resident’s current skills and abilities, not on those that have been lost to dementia.
Each programming plan is as unique as the resident it serves, requiring all Bridges® team members to take an active interest in getting to know each resident on a personal level. Then, accounting for a particular resident’s preferences, interests, needs and abilities, we customize the most efficient blend of expert-recommended care, exercises, activities and communication techniques in order to connect with the individual, encourage their involvement in daily life and create happy, meaningful moments.
Intimate Environment
Bridges® by EPOCH at Trumbull features four distinct households, each with its own spacious common areas, along with 14 private and two companion suites. Suites feature private bathrooms and walk-in showers.
Each household has a home-like look and feel, creating an atmosphere of warmth, security and comfort for our residents and their families. While furnishings are provided, we encourage families to furnish their loved ones’ suites with favorite possessions from home to help them feel at home.
Featuring stunning residential design that complements the surrounding community, every inch of the interior is designed to benefit those with Alzheimer’s disease and memory loss. Attributes such as soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel comfortable and safe.
Contact us today to learn more.