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Behind the Wheel: When Is It Time to Take the Keys Away?

As our parents age, we’re faced with a lot of difficult decisions. What’s going to happen if they need more care than you can provide? Who will have power of attorney, and what will happen with their finances? While all these can be difficult topics to broach, the most difficult conversation may be the one that seems like it should be fairly easy: deciding when it’s time for Mom or Dad to stop driving.

“Being able to drive is such a symbol of independence that, when you have to stop, it’s a blow that hits harder than a lot of the other realities of aging,” says Jennifer Trout, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham.

It’s certainly a conversation that a lot of people are having these days, since there were more than 49 million seniors age 65 and older living in the United States in 2016. Of that number, 6,150 were killed in car crashes, while 240,000 were injured. Of those seniors who were killed behind the wheel, the rate of fatality rose drastically after the age of 70.

Since we’re living longer and longer than previous generations, it’s almost expected that at some point, we’ll have to have the conversation about hanging up our keys. Jennifer cautions adult children, though, to do their homework before having “the talk.” “Not all seniors need to stop driving – just the ones who are a danger to themselves or others,” she says. “There are some red flags to watch for that could signal the time is coming. By catching the situation early on and having those tough discussions, you can help your loved one keep their dignity and avoid any catastrophes.”

Warning Signs

There are a number of tells and signs that will let you know whether or not Mom or Dad should still be on the road. One of the easiest ways to observe their driving skill is by riding with them as they drive somewhere. Here are some things to look for:

  • Does your loved one’s vehicle sport an alarming number of dents and dings, some that appear to be fairly recent?
  • Is there damage around the area where their car is parked, as if Mom or Dad ran into the wall accidentally?
  • How is your loved one’s reaction time when driving? Are they able to fully turn and check when changing lanes? How quickly can they react when making a sudden stop?
  • Do they follow the rules of the road? Are they using their turn signals, driving too slowly or having an issue staying in their lane?
  • Is your loved one growing increasingly frustrated or confused when driving, perhaps complaining about how fast everyone goes and how angry everyone is?

Tips for Having “The Talk”

Much like other discussions that have to take place as your parents age, it’s best to have the driving conversation with your parents before things get to the critical point. Here are some steps you can take to make the discussion easier:

  • Have options in place. One of the first concerns your parent will have is “How will I get around?” After all, they’ll still need to run errands, visit friends and go out. It’s good to have a list of alternatives on hand, like Uber, public transportation, taxis or carpool services.
  • Discuss, don’t tell. No one likes to be told what to do. Instead of giving an ultimatum, have an actual discussion with your loved one. The decision to give up the keys should be just that – a decision, not a demand. Use “I” phrases (like, “I’m worried about the number of accidents you’ve been having”) and prompt conversation with open-ended questions (“What do you think we should do in order to help you be safe but still get around?”)
  • Be understanding. Let your loved one know that you still want them to get out and about and have a fun, full life – you just want them to be safe.

If your discussion goes well, great! However, if it gets rocky, there are options available from outside sources. You can bring a neutral third party into the discussion, like a family doctor or therapist who can be the “bad guy” and also have the weight of authority backing them up. You can also connect with a program called Keeping Us Safe that evaluates senior drivers and gives recommendations as to their safety on the road.

Sometimes, though, it can be almost impossible to get your loved one to give up the keys, particularly if he or she has dementia. In that case, experts say it’s okay to be a little sneaky, like hiding the car keys or getting rid of the vehicle in some way. You can also, as a last resort, get the law involved and see if you can get your loved one’s driver’s license revoked.

Helpful Tips for Safer Senior Drivers

If your aging loved one is still safe to drive, here are some things you can suggest that will help them stay safe.

  • Be sure they’re getting eye exams every year. Our eyesight deteriorates naturally as we age, but there are many other illnesses like glaucoma that can cause issues. Some of these can be corrected with surgery or eyeglasses.
  • Encourage them to stay healthy. As with all things age-related, living a healthy lifestyle can help keep your loved one fit and mobile.
  • Make sure they’re driving an appropriate vehicle. Your loved one may grumble at all the “bells and whistles” on new cars today, but things like blind spot monitoring, automatic braking, parking assist and others can be really helpful for an aging driver. If they can afford it, you might want to ask them to consider getting a newer model vehicle.
  • Know what road situations to avoid. If your loved one can’t drive safely at night or in bright sunlight, see what they can do to avoid driving during those times. Bad weather and highways may be best avoided, too.
  • Have a discussion with their doctor. Your loved one’s physician can give a rundown on driving abilities and can also check medications to make sure there are no unwanted side effects like dizziness or drowsiness.

“The decision to stop driving is difficult, but with empathy and careful planning, you can help make the transition as painless as possible for your loved one,” says Jennifer. She says that one option seniors can consider is moving into a senior living community like Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham. “One of the many services we provide residents is transportation – we can shuttle you back and forth to doctor’s appointments, errands and others whenever needed. We also have scheduled outings to fun events, so you never have to worry about driving during less-than-optimal situations – you can just sit back and be chauffeured!”

Exceptional Care. Fulfilling Lifestyle.

Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham provides assisted living and memory care that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia or memory impairment, we’ve created a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.

Dedicated Memory Care

No matter what level of care or service is needed, residents and families can rest assured that our programs address the various stages of memory decline, allowing residents the opportunity to age in place.

Personalized Services

At Bridges® by EPOCH at Hingham, our services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide a high level of personalized attention for every resident through all stages of memory loss.

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