Visiting a friend or a loved one with dementia, Alzheimer’s disease or another form of memory loss is hard for many people. On one hand, you’re dealing with your own emotions about the changes taking place in the person you care about. On the other hand, you’re trying to figure out how to be a good friend or family member and make the individual feel cared for and loved. It’s a delicate balancing act and it’s easier for some than others.
“Memory loss changes the person you love, which can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for family members,” says Cindy Wirth, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury. “It’s normal to have these feelings, and it’s understandable to be worried, nervous or fearful about visiting your friend or loved one. It’s hard to know what to say or do, especially if you haven’t experienced this on a personal level before.”
However, she says, it’s best to focus on the well-being of the individual suffering from dementia, Alzheimer’s or another form of memory loss. “Personal interaction and engagement play such an important role in the quality of life for an individual with memory loss,” says Wirth. “Even if the individual doesn’t recognize you, having positive connections can improve their well-being, reduce their agitation and anger and improve their mood. In fact, some experts say that visiting your friend or loved one is the very best gift you can give.”
At Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury, we are often asked about the best way to approach visits with the residents in our care. Here are a few of our top tips for making your visit a happy, successful one for both parties.
1. Plan ahead and adjust your expectations.
Plan your visit at a time that’s comfortable for you, and don’t worry about making it a lengthy visit. Even a 15 or 20 minute visit can be fulfilling. Realize that you may end up carrying most of the conversation because oftentimes individuals with dementia aren’t always able to follow conversation cues. They may have difficulty following the communication thread or they may just not feel like speaking. Even if the conversation lulls, don’t be put off by long silences. Sometimes just sitting quietly together can be meaningful.
2. Provide cues throughout the conversation to encourage interaction and reduce confusion. Introduce yourself by announcing your name and your relationship. ”Hi, Mom, it’s your middle daughter, Dianne,” for example. Don’t worry about carrying on a deep conversation. You can make observational statements (“I really like that sweater you have on today”) or tell them about your day if the conversation lags. Keep eye contact and maintain a pleasant expression on your face. People with dementia rely on nonverbal cues to help them know how to react to a situation, and will often end up mirroring what you do.
3. Show your love and care and treat them like adults. A gentle hug or a warm pat on the back can speak volumes. Expressing your care through kind words and touches can help focus the person with memory loss and also serves to make them feel loved, safe and calm. Resist the temptation to speak down to the person or use baby-talk (also known as elderspeak), as it can come across as demeaning and depersonalizing.
4. Keep it simple. Speak slowly and clearly, and focus on one topic at a time. Complex subjects and multiple topics of conversation can quickly become confusing for your loved one; so take a deep breath, slow down and allow your loved one the time to process what you’re saying and give them time to react. Don’t rush in to help them if they’re stumbling over their words – let them formulate a response on their own time. If you’re asking him or her to make a decision, offer an either/or choice instead of an open-ended question. (“Do you want to take a walk or watch the birds?” instead of “what would you like to do today?”)
5. Avoid arguments and redirect conversations when they become challenging. It’s hard not to correct your loved one when they’re misremembering something or they believe something that’s not true. It can be even harder to remain patient when your loved one asks you multiple times about the same thing, such as when their doctor’s appointment is. If you find yourself spinning in conversation or if your loved one is becoming agitated for one reason or another, redirect the conversation by focusing on something pleasant. You can also suggest that the individual do something with you, such as a craft or a walk around the room.
6. Find opportunities to reminisce. Visiting your loved one is the perfect time to take a trip down memory lane. Bring a favorite book, a photo album, some music from their childhood or objects that spark memories, such as gardening gloves or a cap he wore to golf. Although the individual may not always remember exactly what happened or the stories you’re telling, you may be able to spark a memory from their past, which can create conversation and bring back fond memories.
7. Don’t draw out your goodbyes. When it’s time for you to leave, make your parting short and sweet. A simple “I love you,” or “I’ll see you again soon” or a quick hug or kiss will do. It’s best not to draw attention to the fact that you’re leaving, so don’t say goodbye. Thank him or her for the nice visit and do your best to leave on a positive note.
It can be difficult to relate to individuals with memory loss, but know that simply being there can bring happiness to your friend or loved one. Even as memory loss progresses, it’s important to stay in touch and provide what comfort you can. This time you have with them is precious, and finding ways to make the most of it will create memories that will last a lifetime.
If you would like more information about visiting a loved one with memory loss, contact us at 978.261.7007
Engaging Lifestyle.
Now open! Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury provides exceptional memory care in a comfortable, upbeat and engaging environment. Designed specifically to support people with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, Bridges® by EPOCH creates a wellness-focused lifestyle that respects individual preferences. Our teams receive ongoing, specialized training so they may help residents to safely exercise their independence and individuality in a secure, calm environment.
Dedicated Memory Care
We provide complete peace of mind for families and residents experiencing early-, mid- or late-stage memory loss. Our expert dementia care, Personalized Services and personalized programs are tailored to meet the physical, cognitive and emotional needs of each resident wherever they are on their journey, allowing them to age in place safely, comfortably and with respect.
Welcoming, Purpose-Built Design
Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury is more than a safe, beautiful place to live; it’s truly a home, where compassionate, dementia-educated caregivers help people with memory loss live more joyful lives and where families enjoy spending time together again. Our research-based design features soft lighting and colors, non-glare flooring, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life-enrichment stations that empower residents to comfortably move about their homes with confidence.
Call us today at 978.261.7007 to learn more about Bridges® by EPOCH at Sudbury or to schedule a personal tour.