Moving your loved one to a memory care community can be a hard decision, but for many, it is a relief. You know that your loved one will be receiving the care he or she requires, and will be as safe as possible in a home that’s been designed for their unique needs. Another benefit to moving your loved one to memory care is that you will now be able to step back from the caregiving role and focus instead on your relationship.
“Caregivers especially have had to juggle different roles while caring for their loved ones, and now they have the opportunity to become a daughter, son or spouse again,” says Devon Sicard, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke, a memory care assisted living community in Pembroke, MA. “Now that the stressors you experienced prior to your loved one’s move have shifted, you can reconnect and rebuild that relationship that may have been neglected.”
Some family members may worry that rebuilding a relationship isn’t possible, due to their loved one’s deteriorating state, says Devon. “However, we’ve seen firsthand so many people have meaningful and fulfilling relationships with their loved ones, experience enjoyable moments and build memories together, even as the dementia progresses.”
If you have been a caregiver for some time, it may feel challenging to maintain a relationship now that your loved one is no longer living in the same place as you. Obviously, it’s not possible for you to visit every hour of the day, and (as you know) too much togetherness can be stressful and taxing. Instead, here are some suggestions for how to take steps to nurture, grow and rebuild your relationship with your loved one now that they are living in a memory care community.
1. Visit regularly. This is especially important at the beginning of your loved one’s residency at the community, particularly if you were a caregiver who they saw every day. Check with the staff to see if they have any policies you’ll need to follow (for example, sometimes they ask family members to limit visits at the beginning of the stay in order to let your loved one acclimate to the situation). Eventually, you will learn the rhythm of the community, as well as “good times” for you to visit based on your loved one’s moods and habits. Not only is visiting regularly good for your relationship with your loved one; it also can be good for your relationship with the staff and leadership of the community. Care team members know that the best possible care comes from the inclusion of friends, family and loved ones.
2. Participate in a meaningful activity together. Sitting and having a conversation with your loved one may not be easy or even possible, depending on where in the dementia journey they are. Doing an activity together, however, can be enjoyable, build memories and be meaningful for both you and your loved one. Memory care communities often have robust, dementia-appropriate activities, so check out the events calendar and schedule your visit during a time when you can go to an art class or work in the community garden. Of course, you can always schedule your own activities that you know your loved one will appreciate. Some examples of meaningful activities are reading a book together, singing or listening to favorite songs or watching a favorite movie. If your loved one is able to leave the community, you could take a walk at a nearby park or visit another favorite place.
3. Bring familiar or favorite objects. Having a familiar object can help prompt discussion or help your loved one feel calm and connected. Scrapbooks of old family photos, favorite CDs, stuffed animals or even a pet can make your loved one feel more at home. Old photos and other items from your loved one’s past can offer you a chance to reminisce, relive old memories and share some laughs. Even if it’s just you talking about your memories of an occasion, your loved one will appreciate the conversation.
4. Even doing nothing together is doing something together. It can feel awkward to us as humans to sit together without saying or doing anything. However, that may be just what your loved one needs. Be okay with silence. Remember the importance of a kind touch on a hand or a kiss on the cheek.
5. Keep visiting even as the disease progresses. It can be difficult, emotionally, to visit your loved one as the disease progresses. But remember that even as the disease progresses, and your loved one loses the ability to recognize you, know that emotional memory is something that is retained throughout life. Although your loved one may not know who you are, or even be able to recognize that you’re there, they can recognize the emotion in your voice, tone and touch.
Expert, Life-Enriching Memory Care
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community promotes a wellness-focused lifestyle that emphasizes dignity and individual preferences. Our memory care professionals receive specialized, ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment – making a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents.
Inspiring Programs for All Stages
Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke’s services are designed to recognize and adapt to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident, while ensuring comfort and safety. We believe in a full-service approach to care and provide personalized attention and programming for residents in every stage of memory loss.
Purposefully Designed Community
Within a beautiful residential design, Bridges® by EPOCH at Pembroke provides everything residents with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia need to enjoy comfort, familiarity and security. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations create a soothing and secure environment where residents feel at home.
Contact us today to learn more.