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Your Guide to Caregiver Self-Care While Grieving a Dementia Diagnosis

Monday, January 25, 2021

When your loved one is diagnosed with dementia, it is life-changing. Many loved ones find themselves thrust into the role of caregiver without having the chance to process – and grieve – what’s happened. But grieving is a natural part of this process, says Chrissy Ross, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee.

“Dementia represents a loss like nothing else,” she says. “It’s a slow decline, so loved ones often find themselves grieving over and over again at every physical or mental loss that takes place. As a caregiver, your grief can wage war with your immediate needs, which can lead to heightened stress, anxiety and, eventually, burnout.”

Practicing self-care is essential through all parts of your caregiving journey, but it’s especially important at the beginning, when you’re coming to grips with a dementia diagnosis and determining how to move forward.

“The biggest thing I want caregivers to realize is that it’s okay to grieve and it’s okay to take care of yourself,” Chrissy says. “By caring for yourself, you’ll be able to be a better caregiver to your loved one and provide a higher quality of life for the both of you.”

If you find yourself overwhelmed and grieving following the dementia diagnosis of a loved one, here are some steps you can take.

Care for yourself first.

When you’re grieving, it’s very common to push aside your physical needs. You may not want to eat or don’t have the energy you did prior to the diagnosis. However, although your mental and emotional health is of utmost importance, so is your physical health. Be sure to eat balanced meals, get a daily dose of exercise and take time to relax and decompress. When your physical needs are met and you feel physically well, it can be a lot easier to work through your mental and emotional struggles.

Get enough sleep (but not too much).

When grieving, some people don’t get enough sleep – and some get too much. Shock can do that, especially directly following a diagnosis. But it’s important to get yourself back into a regular sleep schedule as quickly as possible. Sleep is like our body’s reset button – it helps us stay physically healthy, reduces stress and improves our mental health. Ever notice how situations can seem better after a good nights’ sleep?

Practice good sleep hygiene by staying hydrated, avoiding caffeine and alcohol in the evenings and having a sleep routine that tells your body “it’s time for bed.” Make sure your bedroom is dark enough, cool enough and distraction-free enough so that you’re able to get your steady seven to eight hours a night.

Allow yourself the opportunity to grieve.

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. That doesn’t mean it’s a linear flow. You may find yourself swinging back and forth between the different stages, even if you think you’ve reached acceptance of the situation. Whatever you may be feeling at any time, give yourself permission to feel your feelings and work through your emotions. You may need to take a long time to process and comprehend what has happened in your life, and that’s okay. There is no timeline for grief and there is no paint-by-numbers process for grieving a diagnosis. Treat yourself as you would a grieving friend.

Ask others for help.

Our best sources of support can be found around us in our friends and family members. When you become overwhelmed or simply need a break for whatever reason, reach out to them and ask for help. Caregiving can be exhausting, and grieving even more so. Consider it a gift to yourself to reach out and ask for help. It’s good to think of some concrete ways that others can help you, such as running errands, going grocery shopping or helping pick up the kids from school.

Stay socially connected.

It’s easy to withdraw when grieving and not want to be around others. However, humans are social beings, and connecting with others reduces stress and anxiety, improves spirits and allows us to process our emotions. It’s good to know that others care, so seek out a close friend or family members who you can lean on. At the same time, you may wish to look for a trusted advisor, such as a counselor or spiritual leader, who you can share your feelings with.

Another good idea is to connect with support groups both in-person and online. These groups are filled with people who are going through the same things as you or who have gone through them. This is a wonderful resource for caregivers who may not feel like there’s anyone who understands their unique issues and challenges. Support groups can give you the chance to share your emotions, ask for advice and vent without feeling judged.

Take each day at a time.

How do you eat an elephant? Why, one bite at a time. It’s easy for all of us to “get ahead of ourselves” and worry about what may happen tomorrow, next week, next year … This, unsurprisingly, causes a lot of stress and anxiety and can become overwhelming for a grieving caregiver. Instead of looking too far ahead, take a step back and be present in the moment. Think about what you can do that moment, that hour, that day. We all can only take one step at a time. Focus on that, and you’ll find yourself much better able to move through your caregiver journey with grace, caring and acceptance.

Peace of Mind for Cape Cod Seniors and Their Families

Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee provides memory care assisted living that is comfortable, positive, safe and engaging. Exclusively dedicated to caring for those with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, our community creates a wellness-focused lifestyle that promotes dignity, respects individual preferences and makes a truly positive impact on the lives of our residents each and every day.

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Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee offers compassionate dementia care and unique programs that are tailored to meet the physical, cognitive and emotional needs of each resident – throughout every stage of disease progression. Residents can age in place comfortably and with dignity, while families gain peace of mind.

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At Bridges® by EPOCH at Mashpee, we offer a program of care and services that celebrates life and supports individual strengths. Our compassionate and engaging approach adapts to the unique challenges and individuality of each resident. Our memory care professionals receive specialized and ongoing training designed to help residents maximize their independence in a secure, calm environment.

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