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Speak Your Loved One’s “New Language” After a Dementia Diagnosis

No matter how old or young we are, human beings are driven to connect to each other, to create, nurture and keep relationships strong. One of the strongest ways we connect to one another is through communication. By sharing our thoughts, feelings, emotions and ideas, we create stories with each other that help us understand, empathize and grow with one another. This desire is something that never goes away, even when we or a loved one develop a cognitive disease like dementia.

“Staying connected to our loved ones is incredibly important, and it becomes even more important when our loved ones are diagnosed with dementia,” says Erica Labb, Executive Director of Bridges® by EPOCH at Westford. “Because dementias such as Alzheimer’s disease attack the brain and affect the ability to communicate, the onus is on us as caregivers to find new ways to connect and communicate with our loved ones. Understanding how dementia affects the brain and what we can do to change the way we communicate to help our loved ones express themselves can be instrumental in helping to maintain a meaningful quality of life.”

How Dementia Affects Communication

Dementia affects communication in two distinct ways. First, it affects the way the individual receives and interprets information and communication. Second, it affects how the individual delivers and expresses communication and other information.

“Alongside memory issues, speech difficulties are one of the first symptoms we notice in someone with dementia,” says Erica. “Things like forgetting a word, or substitution of words, or problems with carrying on a conversation are all hallmarks of early-stage dementia. If the official diagnosis of dementia hasn’t been handed down, these difficulties can be brushed aside as senior moments or as signs of normal aging. However, if dementia is causing those difficulties, language problems eventually become greater and more noticeable until communication can become quite challenging for all parties.”

As dementia progresses, it becomes harder and harder for seniors with the disease to remember common phrases, expressions or sayings. They also confuse words and their meanings more frequently, and will jump from topic to topic in a conversation without completing a coherent thought. It also becomes harder for the senior to understand what other people are saying, due to their inability to filter external stimuli and other issues.

In the later stages of dementia, the individual will repeat words and phrases more frequently, eventually devolving into a “babble” where the person can no longer express themselves through words. This gradual process and loss of communicative ability is an incredibly difficult challenge for friends and family members, who still desire to connect with their loved one but simply don’t know the right way to do so.

Eventually, communication loss progresses to the point where the individual with dementia can no longer communicate at all. However, there are still opportunities for connection. Even when the ability to communicate through words and actions is no longer possible, the physical presence of someone who cares can be very meaningful. Simply being with your loved one, showing affection through touch and tone of voice can be incredibly beneficial.

Communicating with a Loved One Who Has Dementia

Erica says that it may be beneficial to think of communicating with your loved one as learning a new language as they (and you) progress through their dementia journey. “Understanding that you need to adapt your strategies to a changing reality can help position the limitations as something you work with, not against,” she says. “Remembering that the changes are disease-related and not something your loved one is doing on purpose helps put you in the right frame of mind to find the best ways to work through the difficulties and have meaningful moments together.

Here are some suggestions for helping create an atmosphere for successful communication with your loved one.

  • Keep it simple. Try to avoid long and complex sentences and questions, since these can cause confusion easily. Use basic language and try not to use too much slang or idioms. Be sure to give your loved one time to respond to questions, as he or she may require additional time to process what you’re saying.
  • Be clear. That means speaking clearly as well as being clear about specifics. Identify yourself and who you’re speaking about when necessary (for example, don’t say “he” or “she”; always be clear by saying “your oldest daughter, Jane” or “your brother, Michael”). Always approach from the front. Approaching someone with dementia unexpectedly can elicit aggression or distress.
  • Be positive. Even if your loved one doesn’t always understand what you’re saying, they can pick up on your body language and nonverbal communication very quickly. Use positive body language and keep your tone of voice positive and calm. When needed, use non-verbal cues like gestures to reinforce your point (such as offering different choices for mealtime).
  • Remain patient and give your loved one opportunity to react. Your loved one may require more time than usual to respond to your questions or to get his or her point across. Avoid the temptation to interrupt or offer suggestions for what they may be trying to say. Remember that it’s okay to repeat questions. Most of all, don’t get frustrated – this can lead to your loved one getting agitated, too.
  • Use creativity. If you or your loved one aren’t getting a point across, don’t get so focused on what’s actually being said. Instead, focus on the emotion and the overall message. Read body language and nonverbals and interpret what’s going on from that. Try different approaches if what you’re doing isn’t quite working!
  • Remember that it’s not your loved one’s fault. It’s easy to get upset or frustrated when we’re not being understood, but remember that your loved one isn’t doing this on purpose – it’s because of the disease. By remaining reassuring and supportive, your loved one will feel more confident about being able to carry on a conversation, and will result in better communication overall.
  • Don’t argue or use logic. Instead, pick your battles. It’s generally pointless to argue with someone who has dementia, so “go with it” whenever possible. You can also change the subject if you feel yourself getting frustrated with what’s going on.

“Being able to communicate with the people we care about helps draw us closer to one another, because we’re able to share our experiences as well as make sure the other person is feeling safe and comfortable,” says Erica. “Effectively communicating with your loved one through their dementia journey will help improve their quality of life as well as strengthen the bond between you. Not only will this help you create meaningful memories, but it will also help you be a better caregiver and ensure happiness for you and your loved one.”

Comprehensive Services

At Bridges® by EPOCH at Westford, we know no two residents are alike. That’s why we’ve designed our services to address the distinct challenges each resident faces. With comfort, safety and happiness as our top priorities, residents receive unmatched personalized attention, no matter the stage of memory loss.

Community Amenities

Bridges® by EPOCH at Westford features a beautiful residential design. Every inch has been thoughtfully designed to enhance the lives of those with memory loss. Soft colors, directional cues, aromatherapy and interactive life stations are placed throughout the community to create a peaceful and secure environment so residents may enjoy great comfort, familiarity and security.

Contact us today to learn more. 

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