Welcome to Alicia’s monthly advice column where she’ll provide tips on caring for a loved one with dementia. Alicia Seaver is the Director of Memory Care at Bridges® by EPOCH and is a certified memory impairment specialist. This month’s topic is improving communication.
Communicating with a loved one who has dementia can become increasingly difficult as the disease progresses, yet social interaction is an essential part of daily life for anyone. If you feel like your interactions could use improvement, try these five tips for better communication.
Keep it simple and let mistakes go. The reality is that you may not be able to have the same conversations that you used to, and you may need to use shorter, more direct sentences than before. Try to breakdown complicated sentences into separate parts so your loved one doesn’t get confused. If they are feeling confused, try asking yes or no questions instead of open-ended questions, and always remember to speak clearly (perhaps even a bit more slowly than you normally would if you tend to speak quickly) and make eye contact. It’s also okay to not correct mistakes that they have said, whether they’ve misremembered an event or a person.
Stay calm and offer encouragement. This advice is easier said than done, particularly when you are stressed or your loved one is becoming agitated, but staying calm and offering positive encouragement is often the foundation for successful communication. By speaking in a steady, measured tone, you can help to counteract any distress or confusion your loved one feels instead of feeding into to it with your own agitation. If you’re feeling frustrated, take a moment to breathe in and out in another room if you have the chance. You can also try to encourage a calm interaction through a calm environment with details like soft music or warm tea.
Have a specific topic in mind. Instead of hoping to have an open-ended conversation, think about a topic or two to discuss with your loved one. Maybe you just watched a TV show together that you could ask about or you could discuss a magazine in your home. You can also try to engage a past memory from their younger days through an old photo or memento, but don’t try to push the matter if they don’t recognize the object, as that could lead to agitation. Another approach to finding a topic of conversation is to engage in an activity together like painting, drawing or cooking.
Punctuate what you say with non-verbal cues. Not all communication is verbal, and a smile can go a long way. By maintaining eye contact, positioning your body towards theirs when they speak and respecting their personal space, you can reiterate with your body language that you are interested in what they are saying and that you are listening. If you feel it is appropriate you can also show you care through holding their hand while you talk.
Don’t speak to them like they are a child. Sometimes advice to speak slowly and in short sentences can be translated into speaking too slowly and in such a way that it’s as if you are speaking to a child. Try to avoid this behavior, even if well-intentioned, by remembering you are still speaking to someone with a vast amount of life experience.
As dementia progresses, having successful interactions with your loved one might take some extra work, but it will be appreciated.
If there is a topic you would like Alicia to discuss, please send suggestions to [email protected].