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Advice by Alicia: Coordinating a Caregiving Team

Friday, January 06, 2017

Welcome to Alicia’s monthly advice column where she’ll provide tips on caring for a loved one with dementia. Alicia Seaver is the Director of Memory Care at Bridges® by EPOCH and is a certified memory impairment specialist. This month’s topic is coordinating a caregiving team.

When it comes to caring for loved ones, we should look to African cultures for inspiration. You’ve heard the old adage “it takes a village to raise a child”—a proverb that reflects the emphasis many African cultures place on family and community. This saying extends beyond parenting and suggests that caregivers often depend on the support and counsel of family members, friends and community partners to care for their loved ones.

In contrast, our culture values and often overemphasizes independence, leading us to believe that we should struggle to care for ourselves and loved ones without assistance—if we don’t, we fear we’ll be labeled incompetent. But asking for help with caregiving is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign that you care about your loved one’s wellbeing, as well as your own. So, in the spirit of the new year and making resolutions, let’s resolve to do one thing in 2017: learn to ask for help.

I understand this is often easier said than done. Some may experience guilt asking for help, worry that others won’t be able to care for a loved one as they do, or feel that it’s actually more of a hassle to delegate caregiving tasks. But remember: even if you’re the most qualified and experienced caregiver in your family, you will burn out very quickly if you don’t take care of yourself. Studies show that informal caregivers are prone to depression, stress and anxiety, and are also more vulnerable to high blood pressure and poorer immune function. Allowing yourself to become overwhelmed with caregiving responsibilities negatively affects both you and your loved one.

To avoid caregiver burnout, assemble a village to help you! If someone asks if there’s anything they can do, learn to say yes. Most people who offer are actually willing and able to help out. Your caregiving team will likely include family members and close friends, but also consider other resources and support opportunities available besides immediate family:

  • Community Organizations
    Check with your area Council on Aging, as well as local churches, senior centers and government agencies to inquire about opportunities for assistance. If you’re unsure of where to inquire, the ElderCare Locator is an excellent resource to consult.
  • Hired Help
    Touch base with geriatric care managers in your area who can help you orchestrate your loved one’s care; there are also many home care services that provide assistance with things like housekeeping, transportation and even immediate caregiving activities.
  • Respite Care Providers
    Contact your Area Agency on Aging to find respite care services in your area. Additionally, Bridges by EPOCH communities offer complimentary respite care during all of their support groups and educational events, providing caregivers with the opportunity for a much-needed break while they connect with others on the same journey and learn new caregiving techniques. This is also a great opportunity for your loved one to spend time with other individuals living with dementia, as well life enrichment professionals who work exclusively with memory care residents.

If you have reservations about asking others to help you with your caregiving responsibilities, ask them to do other things that will make your life easier. Keep a list of tasks you can delegate that will free up some precious “me time,” or make life a little simpler. For example, ask a friend, family member or neighbor to:

  • Watch your kids while you take your loved one to a medical appointment
  • Help with errands like grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, driving your kids to and from activities, etc.
  • Drop off lunch or dinner while you’re caring for your loved one

The most important step in learning how to accept help is making sure you find the right people to support you. Once you identify your caregiving A-Team, remember to give clear instructions, be appreciative and accept that your helpers may do things a little differently than you do (and that’s okay!) When you learn how to ask for help, you’ll stop thinking “It’s easier if I do it myself.” Because, let’s face it—it takes a village!

If there is a topic you would like Alicia to discuss, please send suggestions to [email protected].

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